Championship: 1. Vern Acular (4-0) vs. 2. LokStok (3-0) vs. 3. Got Life (3-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by J o o k, Oct 14, 2007.

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  1. J o o k

    J o o k Guest


    [​IMG]

    The New RSTL Rules and Regulations

    VERSES DUE: Thursday 11:59pm PST. NO RECYCLING.

    Verses posted after the deadline will not count! UNLESS you post your verse before mods close threads (for some odd reason), and your opponent agrees to let your verse stand.

    VOTES DUE: Sunday 8 PM PST. 4 votes per participant, POST LINKS in your match. Each link not posted will result in a 1 vote deduction up to 4 votes obviously.

    *Votes posted after deadline will not count in a tie or a close match, thus possibly resulting in a loss. GET YOUR VOTES IN.
    You are also required to vote on the Championship, and Contendership match which will be included in your 4 votes.

    If you are not in the league you cannot vote, unless you are an ex champion. Ex champions must vote on a minimum of 4 battles for their votes to count.

    *Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.

    *Verses MUST incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.

    *Anyone who does not post at least 4 lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.

    *During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.

    *Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a no-show.

    * EXSTENSTIONS will be granted on a case by case basis.

    *If your opponent no shows you will still be held accountable for posting TWO VOTES.

    *Votes must at least be 2 lines in length for each verse.

    NO SHOWS WILL COUNT AS A LOSS.

    Lastly: Moderators have FINAL say over all situations that arise.

    Amendments

    1. Mods can vote.

    2. You're opponent automatically gets the same extension deadline.

    3. You cannot win a championship by no show. You will become the number #1 seed, but you must win by vote to be a champion. This does not apply for defenses.

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  2. LokStok

    LokStok Fuck that LokStrok cunt

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2006
    Messages:
    2,684
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  3. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    Votes:

    1. http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1064811
    2. http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1064814
    3. http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?p=15000801
    4. http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1064815

    Q your vote in my battles will never stand...if you're confused on the matter, see every single comment you've made since becoming mod that referenced my name. I sent in a formal block to Jook before the match even began, I won't be voting on the contender either though, because unlike you i'm not a homosexual, and don't come back in clogging my thread.

    Thanks cupcake.
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  4. LokStok

    LokStok Fuck that LokStrok cunt

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2006
    Messages:
    2,684
    THE END

    right now

    I wanna tell you about a girl named Jenny
    her eyes captivated the hearts of many
    she stood tall as a vision of beauty
    no man alive didn't want up in her booty
    a slamming body with shoulder length hair
    her slender physique made everyone stare
    ...but she didn't care...

    cos now

    I wanna tell you about a guy named Sam
    who everyone envied cos he was her man
    the only one she looked at with affection
    within her loving eyes he was perfection
    addicted to each other like junkies and crack
    she loved him so much and that's that
    ...and he loved her back...

    and now

    I wanna tell you about a guy named Jake
    a gangsta wannabe, not wanting to be fake
    threw up gang signs with intent in expressions
    a dumbed down intellect from skipping lessons
    repping his set, for his gang he'd spill blood
    all he ever wanted was to be down in the hood
    ...his mind was no good...

    so now

    I'm gonna flip the script, switch this up a bit and tell this tale
    "Jake if you want down with this you gotta do some shit and you best not fail"

    It's 6:30 and Jenny arrives home from the office
    she goes upstairs, undresses, washes and flosses
    unknown to her from the wardrobe Jake watches
    holding his crotch he mutters "you'll cop this I promise"
    she walks, naked body exposed, coming back in the room
    as she powders her nose, humming her favourite tune
    on her legs, arse and breats Jakes eyes did nothing but zoom
    rubbing his cock "oh yeah bitch, you're gonna get it soon"
    his anticipation to action converts, out he burst
    "what the hell? you pervert! get out you jerk!"
    but this command went unheard and just didn't work
    grabbed her hair "lie down bitch this is going to hurt"
    they grappled, she wrestled, they fought and scuffled
    she screamed as with Jake's hand her mouth was muzzled
    the room spun and flickered as the bed sheets were ruffled
    he overpowered her with ease, Jenny knew she was in trouble
    to moisten entry he fingered her pussy and was unrelenting
    "bitch stay still or I'll kill you, I'm not pretending"
    punched her so hard she flopped and stopped defending
    he persisted to rape her, proud to be sex offending
    pulled out and over her bruised body, cum he splashed
    took photos of her face, her body, her swollen gash
    "stay right fucking there bitch, I'll be right back"
    Jake pulled up his pants and out the room he dashed
    Jenny trembled and realised she couldn't just stay static
    she sat up, puked, heard noises and started to panic
    then remembered the magnum they had stashed in the attic
    she ran up the stairs, glass smashed to grab it
    slid herself into a dark corner, ready to shoot
    meanwhile Jake was downstairs rummaging for loot
    this guy's a coldhearted motherfucker of a brute
    he heard a car pull up, "oh snap, time to scoot"
    he made his exit to the rear, to avoid being caught
    "I got the proof that I'm down" was his only thought
    he's an evil dipshit, mind warped, yeah you know the sort
    the front door innocently opened and in Sam walked
    he felt a calm that proceeds a storm, took no notice
    looked up to see the attic hatch open "I thought I closed this?"

    he walked up to see if Jenny was forgetful or up there
    she looked on to see a silhouette through her blooded stare
    her eyes masked by the darkness of her blooded hair
    "you'll pay for what you just did to me, I swear"

    before Sam could question this voice of dread
    Jenny pulled the trigger and aimed for his head
    ...now her true love is dead...

    [​IMG]
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  5. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    5,344
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  6. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    [​IMG]


    The sickening truth


    From the Outside…it was me that was looking in…
    For hours I stood with a shovel staring into a hole 6 foot of sin
    If I knew now what I should’ve then….basically I would’ve been
    In the comfort of my own home, instead here with these crooked men
    Rapist and killers listen…I tried to but I couldn’t blend
    They say guns kill people but it’s people who put the bullets in
    This was the real survivor not a show that you push to win
    But you push to live…see these walls held animals….look at them
    It took a fence to barricade the beast beneath in this prison
    Many tried to escape it seems but these were beat up and missing
    On the eve of a grimace night I fight these squeamish decisions
    To resign from my duties of watching these heathens and menace
    So many creatures have risen with facial features so frigid
    The shock alone is prone to hover in your dreams of detention
    You’ll hear the screams if you listen it’s like a leap to ascension
    Killing these demons with tension it’s sorta freedom for Christians
    Seeing em bleed as they drip it resembles Christ when he died
    A penny for your thoughts…the cost was the price of a lie
    Cause in these walls, there’s flaws….even the mightiest cry
    And get embarrassed when a peeping tom sees your life in his eyes
    It’s a game of surveillance and we’re being watched by society’s spies
    So I can see why…most of the inmates inside of it dies
    Cause they likely devise a plot to put a knife in your spine
    Either way, being afraid may ignite you to try
    To survive and apply hope to escape…you know there’s a way
    But as soon as you find it your blinded by a moment of fate
    Cause you get a glimpse of people like me who sit alone at the gates
    And when you focus you notice that there’s a scope on your face
    You’re just a rodent ok, and we’re the vultures that prey
    We got one thing on out mind and that to roll you away
    After you slowly decay, putting you low in a grave
    That’s when it hits me…I gotta fill another hole up today
    See this isn’t known for the faint of heart….here’s a canvas paint it dark
    Cause the imagery's intense what happens is they can start
    An internal war within the prison staff creates this art
    Unsupervised interactions...they pull the inmates apart
    And what’s turns my stomach is how literal that those last statements are
    I’ve seen men beaten to death with chains…while they were chained to bars
    I’ve seen abrasions on faces, lacerations, from angry guards
    With blades so sharp, they leave a labyrinth on their back with amazin scars
    They they applaud, I watch in awe, and you can see that I’m stressed
    Because it’s me that when they finish that has to clean up the mess
    They treat me like im one of them I feel uneasy at best
    Im in dismay…cause these inmates were just beaten to death
    And now im sitting here on my hands and knees in there flesh
    Trying to cover up what happened to these people im vexed
    This is just evil and yes I basically need to confess
    what we as people do to each other i believe we're obsessed
    So Jesus I guess, you know I’m not proposing a celebration
    It’s more of a set sedation for all of the stress im facing
    What these guards do is murder...they’ve turned it to desecration
    Since when could man judge another I thought there was seperation
    Isn’t it you who decides when we die and if heavens waiting
    Cause nowadays it feels more like it’s the devil who blessed the nation
    I understand eye for an eye but it's vivid through presentation
    Cause today I realized I could die without hesitation
    I witnessed killers become victims…please I need some education
    See good is bad and bad is good...there really is no segragation
    So since we’re all created equal…and if this is a revelation
    well god then i guess i was just calling for reservations




    Sins of man
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  7. Proliferate

    Proliferate New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
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    Edited. This was a freepost promoting wackness.
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  8. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    Stairway to Heaven

    [​IMG]

    Julian sat and watched consumed as death just loomed,
    Over his grandmother, anxious before her breath resumed,
    She was his anchor, the very pillar of strength in his life,
    Holding him at no more then arm's length through the strife,
    As the cancer just mangled and devoured every organ,
    Weakly, she smiled, proud of Julian working for JP Morgan,
    For it was she that raised him after his parents tragic death,
    Courtesy of a drug addict twisted high of crystal meth,
    But he was the product of the upbringing she deamed fit,
    Never allowing him to quit, she seemed to esteemed to hit,
    Yet if you ask Julian, he'll tell you of the belts and switches,
    The welts under britches, the pelts and the niches,
    Instilling in him a military regime, you dress, you clean,
    No mess, keep running, you need to stay impossibly lean,
    Indeed, she created a machine, a collegiate competitor,
    Mr. poster child of overcoming, of "I'm feeling better sir."
    Although now wasn't a scene he could control or alter,
    As he keeps trying to break the bells toll, but seems to falter,
    Grandma's only seventy three pounds now, nothing left,
    How hard he wept, seeing her sulken flesh lay there bereft-
    Of emotions, of color...and that ocean of commotion,
    Soon faded away, faded to grey, he was lost within devotion,
    Broken by the angst and anger of his remaining family gone,
    Angered by her lack of fight, she seemed so withdrawn,
    He broke down and cried that night, got drunk started a fight,
    Dangled a man by his neck, killed him, and felt life respite...

    He felt the blood rush to his face again,
    The swelling of his arms, the fear of men,
    Life made sense and then,
    It all became clear, they need him...

    How many innocent grandmas had died, fallen to cancer,
    It's a rhetorical question so of course there's no answer,
    But in his mind Julian saw a conclusion that put him at ease,
    Euthanasia with a twist of genocide became his disease,
    The way he saw it was if he took a serated blade,
    And played with the handle as it so meticuloulsy flayed-
    A person over 60 or generally someone approaching the end,
    He was not a demon, a killer, he was acting as a friend,
    Seemingly believing that this would mean no suffering,
    So he took the sharpened blade, kissed it, felt the sting,
    Finally going out hunting, letting his new found focus roam,
    Pacing frantically, his mind no longer part of a happy home,
    Until he saw her, she was perfect, practically heaven sent,
    Knees weak, spine slightly bent, a look of torment,
    She had given up, he saw her as content with lament,
    This is something he vowed that he would prevent...

    So he drugged her,
    He drag her,
    He stabbed her to death,
    Ever scream bringing back life, emanting a breath,
    Deeper than any she had had in years,
    It brought him happiness in the form of tears...

    He would later bathe in that tub with her still inside,
    Her boiling blood keeping him warm from the cold world outside,
    And he would drink from that tub, to the memory of her life,
    A memory that glimmered in her eyes as he flashed her the knife,
    It was his turn now to pay hommage and lay her to rest,
    Laying cement and stones down, building a tomb above her chest.

    He lived off these moments until the next one came along,
    And he'd approach them knife in hand, simply singing this song...

    "Your head is humming and it won't go in case you don't know
    The piper's calling you to join him
    Dear lady can't you hear the wind blow and did you know
    Your stairway lies on the whispering wind"



    -----------------------
    The last 4 bars are from Stairway to Heaven by Led Zepplin
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  9. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

    very sick battle - UP
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  10. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2001
    Messages:
    25,850
    i guess i'll break this down verse for verse as i read it, and then draw my conclusion from there

    lokstok, first and foremost --this was a good story, i appreciate the fact that you stuck to specifically telling a story, it seemed like you didnt worry about much else which worked well in your favor seeing as how the flow [however simple it may have been] made for an easy read and kept my attention the entire time, i never had to re-read it in order to see what was going on, on the other hand --i didnt like the flow of the first 3 stanza, i did like the fact that you introduced the characters first and then went into the story and at least i can say that the rhyme scheme for the first 3 stanza's were consistent, therefore it still worked, also the ending could have been stronger, i mean -the actual ending was good as for the plot, but the way you worded it could have been better and made for a stronger impact, even though i knew what was going to happen before it did, i still classify the plot twist as somewhat unpredictable, nevertheless --it was a good drop

    vern acular, standard verse really, not much of a story but more of a prison gaurds conscience, still a good read, the flow was overpowering for the most part and it was mechanically sound, a few mispelled words [like out instead of our] but it never took away from the impact because it was easy to figure out what you meant, all in all --this was a dope topical piece, but a weak story, yet it still made for an enjoyable read

    got life?, hmmm, i had mixed feelings about this verse, the flow and rhyme scheme hurt it more than anything, also some of the lines didnt seem to make sense [like "ever scream bringing back life, emanting a breath" --is emanting even a word? and ever scream? (which i assume you may have meant every, but still...)] it really took away from the impact of the verse, the stairway to heaven and whole grandma killing thing was a good interpretation of the picture, and the overall plot was fairly creative and interesting, but the way you told the story just didnt do it for me, overall i suppose it was still a decent drop



    this battle is tough, of course vern was nearly flawless in his mechanics, but his story or lackthereof took away from the impact of his verse, it just rambled on in a little perfect rhyme scheme going nowhere, on he other hand --lokstok had the best story out of the 3 and did a fairly good job of conveying it, his flow could have been better in parts but nevertheless, his verse was the most interesting in my opinion and held my attention throughout, then you have got life? who also had the potential of having a better story but yet he didnt do a good job of telling it, his flow was simple with absolutely no inner rhyme to any of the bars and for the most part he consistently rhymed only one syllable throughout, plus some things didnt make sense and his ending could have been stronger [because his ending really didnt end anything, i would like to have seen more of a twist or an actual ending]

    with that said, i'll rank them in the way i enjoyed them


    1 - LokStok
    2 - Vern Acular
    3 - Got Life?



    overall, this was a great match up and props to all of the participants for actually showing up and putting on a good show

    EDIT: sorry GL, your flow did start off better than it ended and i didnt note that in the beginning you did have inner rhyme which was the strongest section flow wise, but my vote and reasoning still stands
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  11. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,893
    This battle took a twist and a half.

    LokStok - Story was alright, definitely better than last week. Flow was good, rhyme scheme was pretty basic. Honestly, I saw the ending coming as soon as Jenny grabbed the gun. The thing about this piece that made it interesting to me was the character development and the emotional attachment that you created with them, along with the imagery portrayed while he was raping her. Overall, it was an nice and interesting read and I didn't have any problems getting through it, just happened to know what was coming at the end.

    Vern Acular - I almost chose the same picture and wrote the same story from the guard's perspective and how he watched his fellow guards abuse prisoners, so while I guess it takes alittle more creativity to think of the janitor that cleans it up in the situation, it still didn't seem very creative to me. Mechanics and flow, like Q said were definitely there, and it can make it easy for the reader to get through the verse, but doesn't necessarily make it enjoyable, and this piece didn't really leave any impression on me because of that.

    Got Life? - I don't have any respect for your lack of com.plexity in the rhyming of your words, but you write the most fucked up, twisted, and creative as hell stories which is something I have never been able to do. The flow was good throughout, but the beginning part where you actually used multi-syllable rhyming and inner rhymes (not sure what Q was talking about when he said you never used either) was really good and actually impressed me. I have to admit I really enjoyed this piece as well as your twist on the picture.

    With that said, I don't even know if this vote will count because Lok will probably come in saying I'm a dick rider and that's cool. Honestly, I expected Vern to run away with this, and for me it's the exact opposite. I think Lok and Got Life? are ahead of Vern by quite a bit in this one and it really only comes down to whose story I found more creative and enjoyable.

    1. Got Life?
    2. LokStok
    3. Vern Acular

    EDIT: For some reason it edits out the word com.plexity?
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  12. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    908
    LokStok: first of all, im going to agree. very good story development. you came with a great piece of emotionally charged writing here. by introducing the characters you set up the drama and allow us an early glimpse at these people. its very effective. now you flow was decent, but forced in some places, which also forced some odd phrasing at some points. i feel like this piece, had you given some very close attention to the development of your wording, could have won my vote. though, it was still a very impressive piece.

    Vern: i always enjoy these pieces because of how flawless your delivery is when it comes to mechanics and technique. though, i do kind of feel like its just become monotonous to you maybe. these verses are good and sound, but nothing spectacular. who knows what it really is, but there is definitely not the spark there as when i used to read your verses. anyways, to the present. i feel like the story just kind of meandered along. not much going on, but still getting the point across. good overall, and the mechanics are on point, but i just wasnt into the topic as much as i think youre capable of pulling a reader.

    Got Life?: jesus. this came off really well. i am so excited about the gore and sadistic shit in this. YES! that is what i like to see. i think writers tend to want to be poetic about it, but when it comes to certain things, you just have to give the rawness. that is what made me really notice this. it was raw and emotional. the flow was good, and i didnt feel like you got off point too much with your mechanics. some more multis and inner rhyme and youll have this verse looking fucking cake. really nice this week.

    VOTE:
    [1]Got Life?...because the detail and depth to which this went was very nicely pulled off

    [2]LokStok...because he had a great overall piece.

    [3]Vern...because the technical aspects were there, but i felt the idea was lacking.
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  13. Og Simmson

    Og Simmson New Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    5,659
    vote got life
    why?
    lok was just to simple and to damn predictable...period no if ands or buts...
    vern was nice very complex but just didnt get into it, almost like it dragged...
    got life came smooth and it was a good twist...overall better verse to read kept intrest didnt drag and it had nice emotion...what more do u want from me dammnit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  14. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

    That shit dont count lol. Must have two lines of critique for each verse posted son.
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  15. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    5,344
    good job fellas wasn't really into it this week, i'm signing out for a while, good luck to whoever wins and keep my belt shiny...
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  16. Og Simmson

    Og Simmson New Member

    Joined:
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    jook c'mon man shit is legit and u know it..u bastard.....u know he won...
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  17. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

    [​IMG]
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  18. LokStok

    LokStok Fuck that LokStrok cunt

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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  19. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    14,147
    if got life wins iver Vern and someone else



    I dont know how to finish that sentance

    it will be surprising to say the least
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  20. R3DRUM

    R3DRUM Bloody Mary Jane

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2005
    Messages:
    1,924
    lok- i liked the story n shit...the only thing i didnt really care for was the repetition of the "now i wana tell you"...i enjoyed the ending cuz that shit flipped, i didnt expect that at first for her to shoot her own dude. it was a good story but it really was just simple compaired to the other two verses, but i still liked

    vern- you're shit was awesome indeed, the multis were constant throughout the whole verse, and you had some good vocabulary all in there, i like poetry and that shit was poetry and rap...i like the fact you make the reader look deep to understand what ur meaning, i just kinda didnt like how you kept the same rhyme scheme for so long before you switched up..it kinda dragged and got boring almost..but it was still considered a topnotch piece to me

    life-at first i didnt think much of it, but i got more into it and it was complex, and i even had to look up a couple of the fuckin words u used but ok..it was a crazy ass story, i didnt really expect the guy to go psycho at first lol, twisted ass shit, and i like how you put that led in the end, nice

    my vote is going for life cuz honestly his lines complimented each other more and the twist had a lil edgar allan poe type genious in it, new age lol...GL's verse was just more interesting and was honestly the best story..

    vote- Got life
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