CHAMPIONSHIP: 1. Sacrifice 21-2 vs. 2. Dreamcaster 11-2

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Baron Mynd, Feb 21, 2007.

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  1. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

    Joined:
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    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Sunday12:00am PST/3:00am EST (this means Sunday, early early, start of the morning)
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Tuesday: 12:00am EST PACIFIC 3:00am (also meaning early early morning Tuesday for people in the US)
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can’t vote in any matches. .

    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics are HERE!:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1034848
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  2. Dreamcaster

    Dreamcaster Welcome to My Mind

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2006
    Messages:
    83
    Goodluck Sac, I think I'm gonna use one of the pictures this week... they look pretty interesting
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  3. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,955
    G'luck to you too...

    I haven't even looked at the topics yet..heh.... however, I'll give it my all as I always do :)
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  4. Dreamcaster

    Dreamcaster Welcome to My Mind

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2006
    Messages:
    83

    The Meth Mix Man

    ~ Picture The Moments ~
    ~ With Some Different Flowing Components ~


    [​IMG]


    Chemicals clash on an integral path within the lab
    Precision is mapped, straining every ingredient, focused
    Misty smoke drifts consistently as crystals contract
    Until the exposed heat makes its residuals potent
    Sulfuric acid put in glasses for reactions with bleach
    Adding Adderall to the beaker, let the magic proceed
    The new crack on the street, but much cheaper to make
    So all the kids can call and get some peace within rage
    Their reason to play and act like adults that don't have an impulse
    Or rationale mode so I doubt they’ll be sleeping today

    Denise is my favorite patron as she relaxes and smokes
    While laughing she chokes,
    but then her vision seems trapped in a ghost
    And I see colorful images pass through her throat
    Fumes consume the entire room and burns passion in volts
    Composure's regained as she closes her eyes and opens her brain
    Exposing some game through prolific poems spoken with flames
    That flowed within rain as the curls of her hair soaks in the waves
    Showing displays of oranges and greys her aura fillets
    Forcing a phase of glorified praise, I respond with applause
    An orchestra played from her vocal chords, I’m more than amazed
    With organs that blazed in reminisce of Ponce Del Leon
    A picturesque vision blessed with the most gorgeous of frames
    Our codependency holds a kick it spree of Heaven on Earth
    She’s my medicine so I’m filling her prescriptions up first
    The gift and the curse as Denise takes another hit to rehearse
    A mission to search for exuberance mixed in the words
    Our business adjourns, but she continues to sit with the verse
    And I'm lost in the abyss of this sensual serge
    Attention returns to the scientific margins I scale
    As all my concoctions of toxins has hardened for sale
    Denise takes a break from her work to aid me with mine
    We escape in our thirsts and sample my shady design
    Raising my high, but the taste makes my face wanna cry
    Then it hits me and I can feel my kidneys baking inside
    Looking towards my angel of mercy, her safety concerns me
    Denise says that it's fine right before she takes sips of wine
    Something about the shade of her eyes seems like hate in disguise
    But I'm sure it's just a side effect of brains being fried

    [​IMG]




    The day fades into night and I'm ready for fun
    Still, I wait patient for buys as well as debts from some punks
    Then doors are kicked open and fools point at my head with their guns
    DAMN, a scheme by resident fucks to embezzle my drugs
    Denise screams and one of these fiends pistol whips her
    This of course pinches my nerve beyond feeling bitter
    I'm ready to kill some N. words although I see that they're white
    They'll be black and red plus dead as half the heads lean to one side
    They peep my supplies with their beady eyes and stuff their pockets
    Idiots didn't even get some bags to snuff my profits
    I pick Denise off of the ground and run to the car quick
    And I knew soon as they shoot, they're fucked up regardless
    But to make sure, I throw a butane torch as we exit
    So soon hell is where they'll find the source of their next fix
    Mourning my pay checks, but I watch as flames tortures the peasants
    But this is what happens when you're feeding off the poor and pathetic
    Luckily, the lovely Denise was made to my wife
    For saving her life, which made this the best day of my life
    Explosions blowing up my house like the fourth of July
    Then she kisses me, that’s the remedy I absorbed to get high

    [​IMG]


    Sidenote ~ No, I've never done or made Crystal Meth, but wanted to try a new topic


    .
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  5. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,955

    [​IMG]

    Last Request

    "My Ballerina Girl"

    They said she didn't have a chance, her
    life as an average dancer.
    She said I couldn't have the answer,
    but I told her the reason for believing in herself
    to win, in life, not quitting, to melt within.
    A savage cancer, threw her body in directions,
    misconceptions about death, and missed connections.
    We'd sit reflecting on our lives together,
    despite the life she treasured, we dined and never
    spoke about the melanoma found in her eye,
    instead, I insisted that she try to get it.
    The part she'd been dying to get,
    Don Giovanni Milan; she stressed.
    Thinking if only she could survive the test.
    My ballerina girl, so divine and blessed.
    Around to see the world, bound to be the finest dressed.
    Proud to be beside her. Strength in my pride,
    and I confess that I would trade my best of lives,
    to watch her become a success, alive.
    Amazing, the way she could rest her eyes,
    despite the heaviest pain, she never complained.
    She sustained, an effortless weight floating,
    controlling her feet... tapping and spinning away
    hoping and dreaming, motion as seamless
    as the ocean deceiving those who believed
    that she couldn't succeed because of her disease.

    Audition day, she awoke in my arms,
    I was wide awake all ready to throw the alarm.
    A kiss on the cheek, she rose with the stars,
    her eyes, with the melanoma still glowing in harm-ony,
    Down the street the short road to the pharmacy,
    last prescription before we are to pay the larger fee.
    Popping pills, that same image of her,
    swallowing those capsules, something missing from her.
    But today was different, a burst of infinite purpose.
    The car ride to the theater, a limitless surge
    of wisdom and earnest rhythm concerned with winning,
    a certain feeling in me, it burns, my Lily deserves this.
    A complete silence, a deep vibrantly sweet
    island and beach she sleeps, waiting for her time to compete.
    We finally reach that time, in my seat, trying to breathe.
    She's soon to be finally free from a dying disease.
    The lighting had ceased, curtains hesitating release.
    My memory outlining her routine, so many nights,
    struggling to get it right, practicing until blue feet.

    The music faded in, amazing hearing the grace extend,
    Wait till ten, seconds, she'll come,
    She'll come with the greatest determination,
    the greatest variation and then... glissade till the end.
    I couldn't even feel my heart beating,
    sweat from my palm meeting, the floor...
    all evening, beautiful music, so calm, breathing...

    stops...

    The curtains open, the spot light fixated,
    something's not right... mistaken...
    A body, cock-eyed, misshapen... lays in,
    the middle of the stage, it's...
    such a gorgeous figure...

    The doctor greeted me half way, the surgery failed...
    choking I fell to my knees broken.
    I plead, hoping she could defy the imminent truth...
    The doctor handed me an envelop, what's in it?
    confused... I opened and read..., "I did it for you...

    Your Ballerina Girl..."

    test
  6. Insinerhate

    Insinerhate ... above blaze ...

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    19
    vote - Sacrifice

    I'm gonna be honest, a tear came to my eye when i read Sac's verse, the perfect metaphor, Dream, wow, you did with your post what many people would try and would totally fail and i appreciate that with respect, everything about your verse(s) was perfect and leaves me no room for negative critique, but Sac, the emotion, the pure rise to the pinnacle then tragedy was described here like I've never seen done, well done guys, well done, both of you wrote 2 of the best verses I've seen in a very long time, this is championship round tournament ish right here, I applaud you both
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  7. Harvest

    Harvest medication

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2007
    Messages:
    39
    Vote : Sacrifice

    Dreamcaster: Your first five lines where real dope. Tight with a shit load of description I just wished you held that format. Besides that I felt it was a pretty good story that progressed rather well.

    Sacrifice: You had a smooth, non-offence rhyme scheme it kept developing with out being a strain to read. I liked the overall metaphor n the delicate nature of the female character.

    I read dreams before sac dropped n was like dreams got this easy but then sac dropped fire so damn, Good read from both of you guys thank you
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  8. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    4,546
    up over no shows
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  9. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,955
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  10. Camarac

    Camarac A Beautiful Flow

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2002
    Messages:
    290
    I cant say this wasnt expected to an extent. Dic had one hell of a week this week, and I figured if he was to lose one, this would be it. He still put up a pretty good fight here, and didnt go down easy. I love the idea of that with the rhyming bars switching up the pattern. I'm unsure of the correct poetry term, but that takes skill. No question. I've actually seen a few heads do just that recently, Oneric being one and Endiwidual being another. Lol. Maybe that took away the shock factor of seeing it pulled off for me, but yeah - Definatly a way to raise your game and keep it fresh. Madd props on doing that. I felt the pictures used were maybe not entirely needed here, especially the final one, it just seemed like you went for a way of linking them and you didnt really need to. Aside from that, and its something people kept jibeing at me for, you should probably lgihten up on the scheme once in a while and just WRITE! Let yourself go. The scheme makes the piece too restrictive at times, the wording becomes off in places, and the multies slightly off too. It becomes a bit forced when reading it, losing the natrural flow, and becoming more mechanical. Like I said, I did nthe same thing, so I'm not really the one to criticse you for it, just letting you know so you can adapt like I've had to.

    Sacrizzle - Man, this was something fresh from you also! I know a lot of the league have got on to you to try storytelling more, so i was glad to see you break from the normal schedule and throw something out there. Tight narration, it had a real 'free verse' flow to it, reading VERY easily as it transcended, smooth transitions and flow throughout, couple that with the metaphor and you have something that isnt a million miles away with a Baron Mynd idea. Lol. DiC did well, i think the strain of the tourney final and the title match just weighed down too heavy on him this week. He must of wrote his gut out, but I've got Sacrifice taking this one too.

    Goodluck next week my man!

    Peace!
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  11. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    4,546
    Aight man...Good battle for sure...Still gotta' go one way on this one...

    Vote - SacriFICE

    DIC, I thought this started off pretty strong. There isn't much that is more important than a good opening. I agree with Baron in regard to your rhyming. At this point in your development, lots of multis is definitely your style, but I get the sense that you've sort of fallen into a formula of sorts. Your rhymes are pretty good, but they are also a bit predictable in terms of when they are going to happen. That's one reason why I was happy to see you switch that up a little in the beginning and here and there throughout. But yeah, at this point, you've sort of reached a ceiling in terms of how far this particular style can take you. It's gotten you pretty damn far to this point, but if you want to break beyond that, I think you really need to start reaching beyond your comfort level and start switching up the schemes and flow of your pieces. Write to slower beats, faster beats, anything to get a little fresh air in. Your story itself was pretty interesting for the first two stanzas. I can't say I really loved where you took it in the end though. It sort of seemed a little out of nowhere. I figured you'd do more development into the mind of the girl but you sort of told a completely separate story from what you had started with. It's funny because, as I'm writing this, I had the thought that sometimes, your stories would make much better movies than a written stories. Anyways, I liked this, but...

    SacriFICE, this is probably the best thing I've seen you write since you've been signed in here. I've been trying to tell you that if you started telling stories with the kind of rhyming and flow that you have, you'd be damn near impossible to beat, and you've started doing that. I don't really know what all needs to be said about this. The flow was lovely, the rhymes were pretty much incredible and not forced. That's the thing about your writing; it's so fluid. Very easy to read and get through. The story, plot development, etc, were pretty cool, although it's the way you related the ending that really got me. I pretty much figured out what would end up happening, but you still managed to make it touching. Tough match next week, but if you drop like this, you might not lose again any time soon lol.

    That's about it..One good piece against and excellent piece..The excellent piece won..Pretty simple..
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  12. MrMister

    MrMister Urizen

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2003
    Messages:
    6,238
    vote - Sac

    Dic - I dont know what it was about this piece but I just didnt like it
    I mean the flow was ok not the usuall sickness I get from you
    the story itself was not detailed enough in certain areas in my opinion
    like how could he get up and leave as if there were no guns pointed at him
    I dont know I just didnt like the story but the rest was nice tho
    your words were as usual on point

    Sac - This was something I havent seen from you an ACTUAL ACTUAL story
    and you pulled it off real nice you made this work and it read away mad easy
    the story itself was nicely done too. I cant really say anything bad about this here

    This was a nice champ match but in the end I felt like Sac took it
    Felt like he put more effort into it and he just gave me a
    piece which compelled me more
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  13. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2005
    Messages:
    884
    DIC - Another strong verse this week. I was really impressed with the story but the verse drawed out a bit long, I think. The rhymes, and multis kept coming and that always makes for an enjoyable read. I liked the pace, the story development, you kept me engaged most of the time. This verse wasn't on the caliber as your tourney verse, but you still managed to write another great story.

    Chemicals clash on an integral path within the lab
    Precision is mapped, straining every ingredient, focused
    Misty smoke drifts consistently as crystals contract
    Until the exposed heat makes its residuals potent
    Sulfuric acid put in glasses for reactions with bleach
    Adding Adderall to the beaker, let the magic proceed
    The new crack on the street, but much cheaper to make
    So all the kids can call and get some peace within rage
    Their reason to play and act like adults that don't have an impulse
    Or rationale mode so I doubt they’ll be sleeping today
    ^You always start of with a banger, the rhymes, the flow, the story are all in tact.

    Sac - I like your writing style, you're becoming one of my favorite writers to read. The way you switch up the rhymes and still keep the flow is an amazing feat. You've got a unique way with words. I'm more engaged reading your verses than alot of other writers in this league. The story itself was very creative, but the writing I thought made the verse so much better.

    The curtains open, the spot light fixated,
    something's not right... mistaken...
    A body, cock-eyed, misshapen... lays in,
    the middle of the stage, it's...
    such a gorgeous figure...
    ^i loved reading this.


    This was a fun battle to read. Both of you wrote great stories. I enjoyed DIC's story more but I liked Sac's writing more. When it came down to it, I was stuck, I was leaning towards DIC at first when I read the battle yesterday. But today I read the verses again and I was amazed by Sacrifice's writing and his verse was a little more entertaining and engaging.

    vote - Sacrifice
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  14. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    ok...I gave this a thorough read and a lot of thought...

    Dic - your imagery is all over the fucking place...none of those images really strung together well...they actually created a whole scene of confusion, which could actually work with the sudden crash of the people bursting in...but the picture being there and the change of pace just wasn't transitioned properly...it might sound arite /w a breakbeat or something, but being that all I have is the text...shit didn't work...some of your wording was extremely forced and off...like aura fillets...exactly how do you fillet an aura?...when you figure that one out get back to me...this was a classic case of really forcing rhyming and scheme. Also the beginning was just really dull and didn't set a solid mood because of what you're mixing...and adderall goes for at least 5 for a 10 mg...you can in all honesty get rocks cheaper...so yea...not feeling that whole bit of it...the whole ending was just all over the place as well...the imagery ran off on a tangent...the whole ready to kill some n words but i see that their white...that's just filler and garbage...I mean, this piece had a lot of potential to be kind of on some skewed, but clever vibe yet instead it just dragged on with endless amounts of shit just kind of thrown together...although I realize it's hard pressed when you had both this match and the tourney final.

    Sac - ok...so at first read a couple days ago the only thing I really didn't like where were some of your breaks were...but reading through it today I picked up on some things here and there...the melanoma in here eyes har-mony line and the two that followed it kind of felt out of place and forced...whilst I like how you built up towards her demise with the mention of how she doesn't seem the same as she's taking the pills...then at the same time...it almost feels like part of this is written by the girls lover/boyrfriend...but it reads more as if it's her father speaking the whole time...whichever the case...the ready to throw the alarm part was just forced rhyming...it just doesn't fit this picture of a father holding his "ballerina girl" in his arms, yet ready to throw the alarm...then flashforward...as the curtain opens and everything I don't like how you use the words...such a beautiful figure...because if the daughter really meant so much to the father...that would not be what would flash flood through him...it's almost as if the emotion wasn't there, because you took a really great concept and just forced it without having a real emotion hold on it...beyond that...I know people /w melonoma can just drop and all, but cancer doesn't just suddenly up and kill you...and what surgery where they doing if she's done had cancer and they seemingly have been working on either curing her or they were unable to as is? I mean granted it's little things like that...but these are all things I noticed while reading through it and decided to give you some feed that I deemed worthwhile...I think the other thing that makes me enjoy this less is because I remember when Lost Prophet did a father/child cancer piece and that piece actually blew me away.

    Regardless...this was the battle of the week in the league...and my vote shall go to...

    Sacrifice.
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  15. robbarado

    robbarado Its more than just text

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2002
    Messages:
    34
    Damn...

    Now this is a topical battle.

    Dreamcaster, I gave u feedback on this piece. But to summarize, This was real good. I was feeling the imagery and the story was really good. After reading it again, i fell into the rhyme scheme pretty easily. Very creative piece.

    Sacrifice, this is the first that ive ever read from you... and man am i impressed. This story flowed so smooth... and the transitions were so flawless... it was like rhyming didn't even matter. But you did, and did it well, with everything spaced out perfectly. The story was very vivid, and the metaphor added to it. Im just trippin off your wording... that shit was excellent.

    Yo. Great battle both of you guys.

    Vote - Sac his story flowed too smooth, and his supporting rhyme scheme was very ill. Dreams was good... but man. This battle, seriously was on a whole different level from what im used to reading. Dream can probably vouch that.

    Thanks for a great read.
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  16. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,955
    none of my piece was forced rhyming... not one bit of it.

    but thanks for the critique... appreciate it nonetheless.
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  17. callacedkeys

    callacedkeys thinksome

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2007
    Messages:
    23
    iight yo i vote sac...

    dic i was feelin ur verse although i felt u were forcing it at times, i guess u were just really out of ur element, bu u still came with it and i respect the fact that ur stretching ur mind and gettin ur different thoughts out....


    sac i dont mean to repeat wat uve already heard but ur shit was sick. u oppitimized wat this league should be about u had soul, sorrow, and rhythm i was really feeling it except i felt the giovanni line was a stretch and out of the flow pace as i was reaqding.

    nic battle
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