Cant Really Find A Title For It

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by EL FEROS, Jun 18, 2003.

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  1. EL FEROS

    EL FEROS New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2003
    Messages:
    8
    We See No Smiles In Our Nation,
    Theres Always Pain Everyday,
    We'll Fuck You Pussies Any Day,
    Aint No Smiles In Our Nation...
    We Got Each Others Back
    Dont Expect Us To Fall Apart.
    We'll Beat Yous Up To Were Yous Come From
    If Its Possible To Your Mothers Wound.
    There Aint No Pussies Messin With Us
    All The People We Need To Know
    Are Within Our Hood.
    We Need Nothin,exceptourselves
    We Got Our Pride,heads High.
    Til The End Of Time
    We'll Keep On Watchin The Light
    Our Light
    Our Desire To Keep On Livin
    Will Keep On Growin
    And Yours Will Keep On Fadin.
    test
  2. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    umm decent piece, kinda got lost somewhere in the lines. But keep it up, welcome to the realm
    test
  3. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    hmm i think i get what you're saying but i'm not exactly feeling it...keep elevatin tho
    test
  4. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    feelin it until the third line......just not my kind of thing but do your thing man.....
    welcome to the realm :)
    test
  5. Infonation

    Infonation Info for the Nation

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    1,016
    I guess, I can say it was good, because it came from what you were feeling at the time, but your thoughts seem to be scrambeled, and i can't find the point, you were trying to make in this piece. i'll still keep peeping your stuff though, keep postin. ^One
    test
  6. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    I wasn't really diggin' it, I agree with Soul.. I got lost somewhere within what you were saying, a bit redundant, but it wasn't a good repeatitive approach. I thought the meaning and anger was there, yet what you wanted to say came up in complete nonsense at times, or just didn't register with my head at this time at night, it's whatever. Overall, OKAY piece, could've been much better from the potential of how you were writing it and the emotion, voice you showed in it, as well. My blessings..
    test
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