Best one so far?

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by KeneishaD23, Nov 11, 2010.

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  1. KeneishaD23

    KeneishaD23 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2010
    Messages:
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    My version of Lil secret- Kept the hook(chorus) as bow wow. Just a fun beat to do..

    Chorus...

    Verse one:
    Keep us a secret and we fine,
    Already know you hearts mine,
    Other dude make it rain, I make it shine
    Im goin insane, I can't read what's on your mind
    I gotta clue though, think about it, we got time?
    We can make it rated R or we can wine and dine
    Just lemme tell you ma you lookin hellah fine
    One question gorgeous can we intertwine?
    You kind, neighbors her yo sound effects
    A beautiful girl, swagg to the max
    Perhaps you'd like to be my queen, leave joker jack
    Boy she ain't been seen in a minute, You whack
    Start takin notes; kickback
    Welcome to my world
    I ain't lil twist but I can make her toes curl
    Ahha

    Chorus...

    Verse two:
    Just make sure you keep it on the down low
    I can be your Santa you can be my ho ho
    Got you; so swift, guess it's just my mojo
    I'm your armor girl, you know,
    I'm here to defend, I'll hold your hand,
    I'm with you till the end, You my best friend,
    My babygirl,
    Load her up; diamonds and pearls
    I used to be cursed, till she walked by,
    No doubt I conversed and now you in my rhyme
    Only one thing, you seek, you gotta hide
    Boytoy number one don't know i'm by her side
    Damn, you tasty; Sweet as pie
    I eat you like pastry, got you screamin Oh my
    I know he hasty, a dick,
    So just keep up the lies

    Chorus

    Verse three:
    Take you as you are, love all your flaws
    Best couple award, can we get an applause?
    Girl what your man don't know won't hurt em
    Here take a squirt gun and jus squirt em
    I'm an artist, paint a perfect picture, like Van gough,
    Artful; In my painting, your eyes sparkle
    Like the stars, thus far
    You're the one, I know it,
    Can feel it like the sun, just let me show it
    It's my turn, you and me, somethin' we earn
    Look I instantly gotta sunburn
    Girls needa learn
    I ain't gonna smash,
    Only wanna see only one fine hourglass
    I'm done, Imma pass,
    You the one I prefer
    It's safe to say, I love her ahhhhhh
    test
  2. KeneishaD23

    KeneishaD23 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2010
    Messages:
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    test
  3. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,243
    you have alot of potential. I really like the fact that youre using song formats to write to. a little elementary as far as rhyming ability but I feel that will progress over time. good peice right here.
    test
  4. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    76,203
    ey man. this wasnt bad. one thing is you should work on stepping up your rhyme schemes. not bad though. keep working and keep elevating homey.
    test
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