Being discrete

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by bagglad, May 23, 2013.

  1. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    748
    Being discrete

    My plan unique but can’t stand the heat have to leave the kitchen
    But please I’m itching for fish in a good robe by wood stove twitching
    In the lawn out and about and beyond a doubt should go fast and
    mow the grass then it need weed and feed try take care of my land
    wear bling a lot spill mess so bring the mop carry a slang shot
    for birds and pack a jar of words so can speak to my crops
    bring smoking to an end it’s choking the wind right out
    of me, a cigar don’t make me a big star health is what’s its about
    feast in bold fashion cease to control the passion for cornflakes
    adorn the great Tony the Tiger, use my teeth for beef torn steaks
    write random quotes but abandon the hopes on becoming the greats
    plan got smash so I stand abash in hands cash gonna buy cans
    of corn beef hash, wear bling around cats try bring me down fans
    cling to my nouns had to sing for my crown now on a reality show
    this fatality flow go on microphones only lonely the lonely yall know
    try escape the fakes and hide these cats abate my pride but it glow
    best but nowadays it glow less, deal with queens in the club yo
    and feel extreme love, a dame shrink my brain and now I think
    lame, girls hard to kiss and trust, regard them with disgust ink
    on my paper, a thug that’s clever will write a love letter she sinks
    her tongue in his mouth,

    One day the fun sway as this boy was checking out this girl
    He wanted to twist her world, kiss and hurl love talk words swirl
    In his head, she had a curfew he’s doing a mad pursue to seize
    Lace so he can squeeze her waist and overtake her cake with ease
    Hug with intent to kiss went to reminisce have fun with a dame
    And run game get wet tons of fame from having sex, so he came
    To get a girl, spoke in a dismension and must devote attention to her
    Fine body which is designed for a party in hopes to attract and stir
    Her emotion, cums to love talk can’t afford to flow it whack must
    Be like a heroic act, yet lyrical but have to get physical and dust
    Off his love talk her body well stocked can tell she’s hot breasts
    And hips the dress grips her shape, a kiss exist on her red lips rest
    Lip gloss he wanna kiss off, she no doubt bless he without success
    Must say the right words coupled with tight verbs he must impress
    Her, this boy will take risks for cake and kiss make a girl jest twist
    In a brisk way, wanna chance for success romance and duck a list
    Of stress just one kiss sugguest sex, kick it mad convinced restricted
    In a bad sense, befriended a stranger now attended by danger wicked
    wanna pull up her dress and put her breasts through a test lick it
    cums to sex liking frequent a striking event biking on bent roads to get
    some, wanna somehow win every now and then but more often wet
    than not are the kisses on the spot got a strong plot I think but yet
    to fill her heart would thrill a part of him, he strive to stay in sink but
    its gonna drive him to drink because her body is fine when she strut
    he’s amazed can’t think not good to raise a stink should stay on page
    like ink, her perfume scent soar terrific even more specific the age
    of beauty nests in here red lips, incredible hips in her panties powers
    in juice as flowers are produced in the name of love this dame a club
    queen the romace books he read are nice so heed the advice one hug
    could cause a chain reaction if the dame a fatal Attraction can get mug
    love ferocious like a lion’s desire got irons in the fire he hope she allow
    her door to remain open this dame is smoking like fireworks he desire
    under her skirt but gonna require an alert plan looks into hert eyes admire
    then he started to think

    HE’S THINKING
    Strange brains had to change trains to get on the right track tonight
    The facts remain on his mind then came the wine her dress so tight
    Fantastic attraction her boyfriend done fantastic action game is bright
    He probably live as a bolder thug give over his love in exchange for a wet
    Kiss let her reminisce while hugging her waist and loving the taste
    Of her red hot lipstick, no remedy for romance the enemy advance
    Emotions explode oceans overflowed on sheets as she get a chance
    To kiss her boyfriend I bet he buy her roses galore goes in the room
    Close the door and he jest go crazy between her thighs and really soon
    To cum get the wet cream pies, he raps divine adapt to the time want
    Her to sit in his lap drink wine while he jest rub and play bet he don’t
    Get it twisted yet ballistic when he kiss It, a butter biscuit blind no doubt wanna find out how sex works complex skirts lead to the next alert she jest let him get some tongue oh her boyfriend must thirst they discuss first their outlook no doubt shook about to cook up some sex, her body bold and hot her boyfriend wanna control her stock a chip off the old block his goal is to kiss her lips a lot, wanna make his love equal, cake and a hug feeble this justify his action must be fly for satisfaction stuff he see is exciting so he don’t be frighten, her boyfriend kisses her lips in the living room giving bloom to some sex
    That will flower and thrill with power that will spill into the shower I bet she jest gives him so much tongue he get some and her panties become sticky fast quickly the task was fulfilled now he awaken from the dream this girl be making him scream oh shoots! I wanna be her boyfriend

    HE SAID:
    Look boo I maybe a whack thug but in contact with love but I lack hugs how about I give you one we could live have fun in the bed room your butter on display we can’t put this off another day gee others say we make a perfect couple, hard to leave you must cleave to
    You boo, deserve you my dear and I must persevere my thirst a mere can of kisses and my plan reminisces and grabs beds, wanna lie next to you try sex you, exist and live with a kiss to give things brisk at the crib like LISA LISA AND THE CULT JAM let me take you home, early laws had worldly flaws need a girly claws to keep me attached, can’t cater to haters, boo you got a wet thing so you get a bang out of that no doubt you bat homeruns and strong ones wanna be safe on base getting lace at your place with phat
    Taste in my mouth, adapt novels rap to models get on my bike slap throttles keep a sick plan using my kick stand need to hold a chick’s hand, as a dame you could be my baby mama this pertain to crazy drama, got a sick past much conflict and contrast neeed a chick fast my world spin because I don’t have a girlfriend, so boo you a creative queen could easily be a native cuisine jest phat food for my attitude, hope stats and romance
    Give me a fat chance to land a date, face severe cold and my sincere goal is to have sex
    Got renowned lace and a round face plus sweet cheeks girl keep me in mind then I’m rapping when it happen end up napping in bed ready to begin trapping your red lips
    Chew bubblegum awhile and like a troublesome child play with things and stay with bling So boo can I cling to your waist not a brat you jest hot like that, girl your body hot by the pound I’m on the canvas after the knockdown you butter cup butt threw and uppercut until the count of ten boo you win, your stats extreme to see like a flat screen TV your show on display so hey I need a date feed me some cake not later but now
    So boo here we go loop-dee-loo plus a whoop-bee-doo and like Scooby-doo I thought
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  2. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

    Joined:
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    Wtf @ the closer. So you're passionate for cornflakes & wear bling eating cornbeef. That's all I really got out of this.

    At least you've finally started to structure your verse in a legible way, just a shame 95% of it doesn't make sense.

    Sent from my C6603 using Tapatalk 2
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  3. bagglad

    bagglad Member

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    MrFlux001 thanks for the comment got to keepk on doing this here
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  4. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    one giant wall of text for Bagkind, one small headache for coup
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  5. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

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    29,663
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  6. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

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    Best post in this forum since I joined here.

    Sent from my C6603 using Tapatalk 4 Beta
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  7. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    bag gets a lot of flack, but he is one of my fave RM tetxcee...
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  8. bagglad

    bagglad Member

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    thanks coup for e props yeah I catch flack but not many can compete
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  9. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
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    stay real with it man...we all trying to up our game, but in the end it don't matta...just write and you'll know whos real or not
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  10. bagglad

    bagglad Member

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    yeah you right coup
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  11. Freikauf Nature

    Freikauf Nature New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2008
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    That's a fucking essay so congratulations on just writing that much. The first block where you talked about corn beef hash and Tony the Tiger had no real relevance to the rest of it. It seemed like a freestyle the way you were rambling. The rest of it followed a consistent theme. You know how to rhyme and you know how to tell a story it's just combining those things in an interesting fashion that sets apart the greats from the rest. Avoid the non-sequiturs I think that will help a lot. It doesn't matter how good your rhyme or scheme is if I'm left thinking wtf after every line. Bubblegum, butter biscuits, cornflakes... I mean were you hungry when you wrote this or something?
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  12. bagglad

    bagglad Member

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    yeah thanks for all the props and critique on this piece even with the critiques it really got read so thanks
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  13. bagglad

    bagglad Member

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    all right upping one more time
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