Balanced Alpha and Omega becomes Nu and Mu

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by breathlesss, Jan 3, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. breathlesss

    breathlesss Registered Sex Offender

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2011
    Messages:
    1,600
    if the end is the beginning
    and the beginning is the end
    then i fell dead before i ever breathed
    and I gotta live this all again

    the mourning stars are easiest to see
    at sunrise on a sadder day
    you should never let yer mind go so far away
    but sometimes it's hard to stay
    if i start to say what's on my mind
    then part way through i'd miss the mark tonight
    if the sparks of light shine bright through to the dark side
    a' the moon, who's the fool once it moves from our view
    if these rumors are true, dude, do me a favor
    humor me later once the gloomier days are
    done, these doom bringin' naysayers keep claimin'
    it's loomin' nearer but no one seems to know when it comes
    so until the moment does, hold it and hug
    don't shrug it off yer shoulders just because it won't budge
    I've been colder than fuck, smolderin' on the inside
    tried soberin' up, but found I only feel normal when I get high
    so I sit by and watch the real world spin
    on its axis of evil as the wheel of misfortune turns
    and lands on every single possible option for scorchin' earth
    the important terms have been searched over, there's nothin' more to learn
    it wasn't your concern to be worried about in the first place
    hurryin' down the worst case scenario is barely holdin'
    a burnin' flame to the miracle of the first day the universe dared
    to show it's face, an' share it's glowing glare through the ether
    so what if we don't get very old, most people won't care to know either
    so, what if someone truly knew, would it even do us any good?
    could the truth come close enough to be of use if understood?
    puttin' one foot in front a' the other shouldn't seem like too much trouble
    but it does once it looks as if each step's become doubled

    ...we're just waitin' for the clock's last tick
    once the final second does come, it's not that quick
    like time stops for instant, god's last ditch effort
    to get it through to our heads that we can't live forever
    test
  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    the mourning stars are easiest to see
    at sunrise on a sadder day


    ^Good word play though-out this written. also I liked the subtle rhyme mechanics that were secondary to the written voice/mood. The rhymes did not pop out but I did not feel they had too.


    I thought the tone was flat through out and maybe could have been inflated more with colorful imagery to really get your point across. This was somber, reflective piece and maybe some contrast to boost interest could have made this great.


    good read though
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)