babble

Discussion in 'Cypher' started by poverty, Jul 31, 2013.

  1. poverty

    poverty KING POVERTY

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2004
    Messages:
    52
    a creature dwells within my bones under my skin
    no place to call home friends ask where i been
    to long I've been gone living against the wind
    fighting with all my powers to repent my sin
    all this anger suppressed in my chest
    cant catch my breathe in this stress
    my muscles stay flexed
    sleepless hours with no rest
    no truth, fed all lies
    slowly my soul dies
    i still cant realize your true side
    reminisce on nightmares disguised
    thought all memories where so bright
    didn't see your deceitful intentions
    my heart bleeds with no reasons to mention
    no need for you to listen
    when you have so much bitchin
    I'll bleed out from the incision
    left without stitches
    the chromosomes hit the sink as i stand in the kitchen
    i should of followed my inter-wishin
    test
  2. Hope.

    Hope. ambition

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2013
    Messages:
    78
    This came off personal.

    It was ok, but at times I just felt you were trying to continue with the rhyme scheme

    And it threw your content off.

    Work on your wording, and structure it so it compliments your message.

    Keep writing.

    1.
    test

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