"Away"

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by next_place, Sep 26, 2004.

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  1. next_place

    next_place New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2004
    Messages:
    5
    "Away"
    Daylight fades away
    But I'm still the same

    I didn't notice the lights not on
    Or that I'm all alone
    I can't feel the cold winds blow
    I learnt not to feel long ago

    Conscious thoughts always tempt me
    But I'm too afraid of the unknown
    So I stay locked away
    Sheltered from all material
    Somehow I feel safe here
    I can trust myself more than them

    I hate predictable oh-oh
    I need unstable oh-oh
    Drift away...
    Drift away...
    Drift away...

    Subconscious dominate oh-oh
    Give me wings to fly oh-oh
    Fly away...
    Fly away...
    Fly away...

    Twilight fades away
    But I'm still the same

    I didn't notice I'm still awake
    test
  2. JBB Sports Man

    JBB Sports Man New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2004
    Messages:
    391
    this was nice...very basic, i thought it could've used more imagery and more creativity...it was a nice drop but could be better...stay up...
    test
  3. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 1999
    Messages:
    2,986
    hmmmm that was interesting...lil short and sweet piece

    the way you put this together was different...I was feeling it...kinda scary at moments

    tight piece....could use a lil work but overall I was still impressed by your own unique originality

    PEACE AND GODBLESS
    test
  4. BrokenSoul8604

    BrokenSoul8604 Apparently Emotionless

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2004
    Messages:
    705
    kinda scary at moments indeed lol....but over all i felt the piece...one..

    God bless
    test
  5. niniane17

    niniane17 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    Messages:
    93
    i'm really feelin this piece, this describes my mood and feelings exactly as of late. it's like, so much shit has happened you just don't notice anything anymore, and when you do notice, you just want to shove it back in a hidden place again. nice drop, loved it.
    test
  6. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    Welcome to the realm. This piece read quite simple. Nothing really just stood out to me though. Will be lookin out for more of your work.


    One luv
    test
  7. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2004
    Messages:
    635
    hahahah .. this is cool because its not like most of the other shit I read. THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I hope I see more of you

    ashes
    test
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