Attention, please read this

Discussion in 'Audio Emcee Hook Ups' started by JACK LINK, Sep 29, 2013.

  1. JACK LINK

    JACK LINK New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2013
    Messages:
    4
    So I not get much play lately. Try meet ladies in bar but no so good. See a piece of whistle bait and Bigfoot make move, me pretty smoove. Go to jukebox, put on Whitesnake nod along to 'here I go again on me own', Check fly, check mouth stink, order two white russians and saunter over. I say: 'hello, this seat take?" Most time lady just run, scream, sometime pepperspray. Worst is when they do silent scream and vomit trickle down chin like hot fudge on sundae. How a guy supposed recover from that? One time girl friendly let Bigfoot sit. I figure things good to go so I mark her with musk so other suitor know "Stay Away, She Bigfoot!" NO GOOD! She allergic to Bigfoot stink and go into anaphalaxis. Now me on to web personals, Bigfoot write clever.
    SEX: ALPHA MALE, JR. SILVERBACK
    ETHNICITY: BIGFOOT/NATIVE AMERICAN
    LOCATION: NEXT TO CRANBERRY BUSH AND STUMP
    EDUCATION: DEVRY
    LOOKING FOR: HOT SHEFOOT
    OCCUPATION: FOREST GENTLEMAN

    HEIGHT: 7'1"
    WEIGHT: LOTS
    EYES: SMALL
    HAIR: MATTED, BROWN, GREEN MARIGOLD
    RELATIONSHIP STATUS: SAD AND LONELY
    WANT CHILDREN: SMALL LITTER

    ACTIVITIES: JAZZERSCIZE, T-BALL, DISEMBOWELING, TAXIDERMY, RUNNING FROM CAMERAS, FILTH HOARDING, CHILLIN', CRYING SELF TO SLEEP

    CELEBRITY I MOST RESEMBLE: GOD DAMN CHEWBACCA, MALCOLM JAMAL WARNER, MESELF, COUSIN IT FROM ADDAMS FAMILY

    IF I COULD BE ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW: DOLLY PARTON'S UTERUS, ON A BEACH IN THAILAND READING SARTRE SO ME CAN BE DIPSHIT STEREOTYPE HIPSTER LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. AT SIX FLAGS EATING FIVE CORN DOGS BY FOUR PORT-A-JOHNS AT THREE IN THE AFTERNOON ON SECOND DAY OF JANUARY.

    MOST HUMBLING MOMENT: ONETIME I WALKING DOWN RED CARPET AT FOREST CREATURE AWARDS AND I STEP IN DOG DOO. IF THAT NOT BAD ENOUGH SOME REPORTER THINK HE FUNNY AND SAY, "YOU REALLY PUT YOUR BIGFOOT IN IT NOW BIGFOOT!" SO I DO WHAT SEEM LIKE RIGHT THING AT TIME AND TEAR HIM HEAD OFF AND USE TO CLEAN FOOT. THEN I REMEMBER I NOMINATED FOR GOOD CITIZEN AWARD FOR ME GOOD WORK WITH KID WHAT WEAR HOCKEY HELMET ALL TIME. WHAT A PICKLE, WHAT A PICKLE.

    WHY YOU SHOULD GET TO KNOW ME: HEY I LIKE EASY GOING GUY, KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME BUT CAN ALSO BE SEXY AS ALL GET OUT. GIVE GOOD BACK RUBS, SOMETIME MIGHT CRACK RIB BUT NOTHING THAT BOTTLE OF CHAMPALE IN BUBBLE BATH NO FIX. I PRETTY CLEAN GUY TOO, FAMILY OF VOLES IN ARMPIT TAKE CARE OF BIGFOOT LICE, EARWIG, SILVERFISH, DUNG BEETLE, NITS, GNATS, EARTHWORM, TAPE WORM, GARTER SNAKE, WASP NESTS, ANT COLONY, TERMITE MOUND, CRABS, SCABS, SCABIES, SHINGLES, FOOT BITS, SHIT BITS, DINGLEBERRIES, PINK EYE, GREEN EYE AND SO ON. I SMELL LIKE COMPOST BUT COMPOST SMELL LIKE FALL AND FALL VERY NICE WITH PRETTY LEAVES AND PUNKIN' PIE SO YOU JUST VISUALIZE THAT AS YOU DRY HEAVE AND EVERYTHING BE OK.
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  2. Jammin' Jobus

    Jammin' Jobus S A D B O Y S

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    5,447
    Lol wtf


    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk 2
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  3. Mike Litoris

    Mike Litoris is large

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2013
    Messages:
    128
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  4. The_K3

    The_K3 ^Secksi^

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2005
    Messages:
    29,265
    idk why i find this so hilarious
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  5. DZK

    DZK DZKonline.net

    Joined:
    May 25, 1999
    Messages:
    30,099
    Me either but I laughed

    Education: Devry got me
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  6. Put it in my Mouth

    Put it in my Mouth member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2013
    Messages:
    2,559

    :funny: This killed me.

    I'm just counting down the minutes till breaking bad
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  7. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2001
    Messages:
    29,663
    This was awesome!!!
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  8. Big Dick Black

    Big Dick Black bout a check

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    Apr 21, 2008
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    25,159
    where the fuck am i
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  9. Ckopper

    Ckopper ....

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    Nov 28, 2009
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    6,695
    Thought this was directions to something on gta 5 at first
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  10. Ckopper

    Ckopper ....

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    Nov 28, 2009
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    Lmao @ malcolm jamal warner
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  11. Orange407County

    Orange407County Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2005
    Messages:
    5,358
    Lmao@ devry

    Some funny shit here

    Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk 2
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  12. JACK LINK

    JACK LINK New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2013
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  13. L u c y

    L u c y (Administrator) SWERVE

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2009
    Messages:
    25,550
    what theeeeeeee hell. When did Porkchop get a fan club?


    "ACTIVITIES: JAZZERSCIZE, T-BALL, DISEMBOWELING, TAXIDERMY, RUNNING FROM CAMERAS, FILTH HOARDING, CHILLIN', CRYING SELF TO SLEEP"

    lmaoo
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  14. Bad Dude

    Bad Dude Are you bad enough?

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2011
    Messages:
    7,785
    another corny alias
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  15. Zero-D

    Zero-D Brilliance Unparalleled

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    7,104
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  16. JACK LINK

    JACK LINK New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2013
    Messages:
    4
    TIRED OF LEAVING LONE FOOTPRINTS IN WOODS? LET'S MEET IN REMOTE FOREST AND LEAVE FOOTPRINTS TOGETHER. NO YETIS OF KONGS.
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  17. Twamp

    Twamp proper weaponry

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2011
    Messages:
    13,856
    another corny gimmick. smh
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  18. Ghost Ninja

    Ghost Ninja Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    2,477
    I was always under the assumption that Bad Dude and Twamp were aliases/gimmicks...

    so wait, you guys are both serious?
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  19. trilliam cakespeare

    trilliam cakespeare Awful Poster, Ok Tag Mak...Awww, Fuck

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  20. DefKnotEmo

    DefKnotEmo G.R.G.

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    Dec 23, 2012
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    6,383
    wat up its papi
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