at the moment

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by *NativeTongue*, Mar 15, 2009.

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  1. *NativeTongue*

    *NativeTongue* New Member

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    when your life becomes a series of dreams torn asunder
    and all your left with is the ability to wonder
    about from where it came, the heart ache and pain
    all for the pursuit of some ill gotten gains
    its a damn shame, my PO wanna see a pay stub from me
    but i paid all my court fees with some dirty ass money
    might consider me a dummy, n ill tell u I do it for the bread
    not the fact that I can't get it outta my head..
    That behind all the dollars n cents
    I lost my pops when I was 18 n aint been the same since
    call it a coincidence but for some reason
    6 months earlier my grandfather stopped breathin
    ...n all I can do is look u in the eye n say I'm eatin
    n that's no excuse for my actions, to be real
    often find myself askin, how my mom feel
    cause if she can deal then why can't I
    so I deal, I'm on the grind...
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    test
  2. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    Sounds like you head to become a man befor your time. This was very strong I can feel your pain and can relate to very well this.
    test
  3. mr madness

    mr madness Silly Bitch Say Whaaaaaat

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    Thats some real shit right there

    keep writin cuzin
    test
  4. *NativeTongue*

    *NativeTongue* New Member

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    good lookin yall
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  5. heybojangles

    heybojangles poet

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    very effective use of therapy through writing

    heartfelt as can be...it's easy to tell the thoughts are still fresh in your mind


    keep your practice up
    test
  6. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    no doubt it was pretty damn good from a cell phone i noticed like you just thought of it on the spot....
    yea working isnt all just easy money to present...have to catch up on late bills,and the taxes really hit so its like what im making an hour isnt what im taking home at all
    so a lot of people now are out of work and more and more every day i begin to see that...
    i really liked the subject matter of this
    though weve heard alot of it before in hip-hop
    you kept it humble though
    as long as people write with their true life experiences though its always felt...
    test
  7. Killa Kaspa

    Killa Kaspa Last Of a Dyin' Breed

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    i enjoyed this,short and sweet,str8 to the point
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  8. *NativeTongue*

    *NativeTongue* New Member

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    yea I had that first couplet on my phone n just wrote the rest while I was burnin 1. thx for the feedback
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  9. Retulen Reactus

    Retulen Reactus Text Legend.

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    damn this was real
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  10. *NativeTongue*

    *NativeTongue* New Member

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    zaaach.. find me on facebook my dude
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  11. Papermate

    Papermate Registered Writer

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  12. BLACK ATTICUS

    BLACK ATTICUS An Actual Show Rocka!!

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    honest words. i feel this piece is more so and ALL about a question you need to keep asking yourself; 'if she can deal, then why can't you?' -- i only come to that conclusion cause as i said before..this piece is SIMPLE. yet RAW.
    test
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