Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by mr.rip, Jan 2, 2008.
Ha Ha I have.
im not sure anymore.
let me preface by saying that i do not like to argue.
in my last relationship we argued a lot...it was excessive. With the guy i've been seeing, we don't argue...like ever. and when we do disagree, the disagreements are brief and resolved very quickly.
everything is just so chill between us all the time...maybe that's indicative as a lack of passion? he's not good at displaying his emotions in any sense for or fashion (surprise surprise), so we just sort of drift along...we get along great, but...blah
eh, maybe i should stop complaining and learn to be satisfied...
I hate drama and arguing. All that yelling and trying to overtalk the other person. Blah. No one is really istening to the other or trying to come to an understading... they're just trying to "win" the argument and/or force their position down the other person's throat, which doesn't work b/c at that point the other person is defensive and too invested in making their own point to concede to the other party.
To me, its a sign of people who do not know how to communicate or otherwise express themselves effectively.
When I'm really pissed, I usually don't say anything right away... cause if I do, I will intentionally say something to hurt/spite the other person just b/c they pissed me off. I have done that many times before, and it always makes things worse rather than helping to alleviate the situation. So now I take some time to calm myself, and have the conversation when I've cleared my head a bit.
I can't remember the last time I had a full-blown, argument with someone. My disagreements are usually very mild, and don't get that "passionate".
But the last disagreement I had... we talked about it calmly, didn't raise our voices or whatever... he said what he had to say... I looked him dead in his eye and said what I had to say... he said he felt me... and it was resolved. I don't stay mad for long, so 5 minutes later we were all over eachother... lol.
So... "mild discussion" sex can be the bomb, too!
lol i remember you telling aaaaaaaaaaaaain't no fussung and fighting then think you going to get the booty lol
Everybody is gonna argue at some point, its inevitable. IMO a relationship that has no arguing whatsoever is just as unhealthy as a relationship where the couple is arguing all the time. What matters is how much you argue, what you argue about, and your fighting style.
ok so not to threadjack, but if there is no flaring of emotions how do you know there's passion?
like the guy im messing with could just be so chill because he doesn't care enough to get angry. i mean he doesn't let me in on how he feels. he makes gestures that would imply that he cares about me (like he leaves me with his credit card and gave me his pin number), but to me, its just sort of like whatever...IMO that's the same kind of thing he would do to his mother, that doesn't mean he's passionate about me.
i dunno, im only 20...i don't necessarily have to find the person that can't live without me yet. blah blah blah.
Just because a person doesn't show their emotions in an intense, enthusiastic way, doesn't mean they are indifferent or don't care. Some folks are just more laid back/reserved, and don't conduct themselves that way.
My dad is like that... I take after him a lot (we're both Virgos! lol). I have rarely ever heard him raise his voice... only recall hearing him curse twice in my entire life. That's just not him. He tends to be very serious and business oriented, most of the time. When he talks to me, he is very matter-of-fact and to the point (I'm talking printed out, bullet-pointed lists and the whole nine)... not a whole lot of emoting and carrying on. He's just a laid back dude. But I have no doubt that he loves his wife and his family fiercly, as evidenced by his continued dedication and support of all of us pain-in-the-asses. He doesn't have to shout it from the rooftops... he SHOWS me he loves me by always being there for me and making sure that I am taken care of. Always there when I need him... providing me with that sense of trust and security that is so vital, particularly for shaping the way young women learn to relate to men. Therefore, I don't need or care for the theatrics... don't need to hear all those words or blow-out arguments to know there is love there... just SHOW me.
Now if your man isn't SHOWING you that he loves and cares for you (and different people show their love/feelings in different ways... you have to ask your man specifically how he tends to show a woman he really cares for and loves her)... then all that "passion" and carrying on is for naught.
I understand what you are saying though... we women to want receive these over-the-top grand sweeping gestures, to know our partner loves and cares about us. At the very least, I say your dude trusts you... and he trusts you with something most men prize and value a whole lot - his money... lol. I remember this dude I used to talk to but we weren't "together" or in a "serious" relationship... I had access to everything he owned - he frequently left me alone in his home when he would go to work (his #1 prized posession in LIFE)... gave me the combination to lockbox where he kept his housekey in his backyard... all of that. But he was very shy/reservedand would hardly ever tell me directly how he felt about he... he would usually just show me by being affectionate and a host of other things.
I don't know how passionate your guy is about you, but there is obviously a bond there. You need to talk to him and express your concerns.
Dang... I said that? lol. I'd have to see that thread to get the context of the conversation.
But, in general, I do no to like to argue. If I get to the point where I'm engaging you in a heated shouting match, it's unlikely that I'm even remotely thinking about f*cking you. I'm madder than a muthafucka at that point and all I'm thinking about is my next retort that is gonna deliver that gut punch to shut this whole damn conversation down.
I don't stay mad for long though. So, once we talk it out after we have cooled down... the f*cking will continue effective immediately... lol.
I don't play those "hold out on sex cause I'm mad at you" games... to me, that's just punishing myself!
That's what I'm thinking. Cause a man ain't gonna trust just any ole yamp with his hard earned money or property... or at least, not a smart one. A sucka ass simp, maybe... but not a smart man.
Yea, so this is mad random, and it has NOTHING to do with this post but I can't start new threads and I don't know why.... so booty damnit.
But umm.... what I was gonna say, and I'm probally really late, but i'm bored and I was browsing youtube, and was watching the SEX video by Lyfe Jennigs and old chick "La La Brown" was killed. =[
Yolanda 'Lala' Brown, 21, best known for singing with Lyfe Jennings on the song, "S.E.X" was found murdered alongside her boyfriend, 22-year-old JeTannue Clayborn aka "Koo Laid", were found dead in their recording studio Friday night. Both had gunshot wounds and had been dead at least a day before being discovered. R.I.P Lala & Koo-Laid
kinda crazy =[
man and i feel the hell out of you. I'm emotional and outgoing and excitable and out there...my heart is on my sleeve. His sleeves are always rolled up...and I blame that partially on myself because I just know how to pick em...
I know that he tries...but if he already isn't verbalizing and showing his emotions, and then he does something...human...or really retarded that upsets me, it makes me wonder where exactly his head is at...oh! and he throws that "i love you" card around a lot, like it's a get out of jail free card. and im like "saying i love you doesn't mean much to me when you don't show it to me" ... but to him, giving me his Pin number and allowing me to have access to his family and his personal space is showing he loves me...maybe im wrong...
AND THEN! we never argue...we never fight...we'll act silly on occasion and chill out, but for the most part, we're just mellow....and im not a mellow person...im hype. so im just like "blah"
ugh i dunno...i guess i'll talk to him...he hates having talks about "us" ugh....ok im done ranting.
my my my look how you've grown lol i wish i could find that thread lol.
Aside from his displays of emotion (or lack thereof), do you two ever talk to one another about how you feel about eachother? Where you see the relationship going, IF you even want it to "go" somewhere in the first place?
As long as the communication is there, I say you are okay. If he doesn't even wanna TALK about that stuff... well, you might need to leave that alone.
A friend of mine used to say - "if you're not growing, you're dying"
Yes.. ya girl DOES grown from time to time... lol.
^^ well Miss Tights, he can talk, but whenever we talk about "us" he becomes visibly drained. He can hold an intelligent conversation, and on occasion we do talk about each other, but I try to limit it because for him it's like getting a root canal...he'd much rather just chill...his philosophy "I like you, you like me...what's to talk about?"
blarb. i guess not too much skin off my nose. who's to say what tomorrow holds?
i dont like to fight though...just cz our attitudes are sooo much alike and were both stubborn as fuck so we both try the best we can n calmy work out serious issues without blowing up at each other cuz when we fight it gets serious lol
little arguments here and there though keep things interesting i guess...
but you and him never came to blows thou right?
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