Apocolypse Remix

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by K. Loye, May 5, 2005.

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  1. K. Loye

    K. Loye Po'Ethics

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Apocalypse Remix

    When the elements fell
    descendents of spring
    organized a nuclear winter,
    global warming is hell.
    Bring acid rain and wash away
    your plastic landscapes,
    recycle the night to feed
    a depleting dawn.

    The crescent moon
    will be flourescent soon.
    The neon sun
    will only shine nine to five.
    (advertisement lights
    will still be brighter)

    Humanities darkest day will be in flames...

    The seas will wash over
    the embers of our burning world
    like salt, slowly flowing into
    an earthquakes open wound.
    Oil fields blazing from below,
    sending broken smoke signals
    to a spectating heaven.

    Earth's rebirth has been aborted...

    We'll create a disease
    for every dieing virus.
    See Jesus be reborn
    through hollow test tubes.
    Follow dead roots split into wires.
    Branches wont grow leaves,
    only blank computer screens.
    The decaying tree of knowledge
    will be cut - and pasted,
    seeds replaced with synthetics.
    Organic only known as myth,
    feeling, will cease to exist.

    Humanities hands will be branded by expansion...

    Greed inciting machine riots.
    Dreams running on autopilot,
    showcasing hope on hybrid.
    We'll fuel an empty revolution,
    only engines of our former glory.
    Overshadowed by productivity.

    Mother nature's first born will be cloned...

    Skyscrapers built to
    fill holes in the o-zone.
    The glass sky will crack,
    shattering like ashes
    of a transparent past.


    We'll go home to the future,
    with a present we passed...
    test
  2. K. Loye

    K. Loye Po'Ethics

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    test
  3. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    wooooooord up

    oh man now I see why you were rated as one of the top writers?!?!?!....wow....this had sooo many layers to it....wordplay was amazing......I dont know what to say but to just break this down cause it was so clever and interesting


    First off love the title??!?!

    "When the elements fell
    descendents of spring
    organized a nuclear winter,
    global warming is hell.
    Bring acid rain and wash away
    your plastic landscapes,
    recycle the night to feed
    a depleting dawn."

    ^this intro is scary in that it seems to pick up where me and Ab Zero left at on our collabo "Mother Natures Mood Swings"....you should go back and read it.....anyway this set the stage for what turned out to be a very dark captivating real life believing poem....sprinkled with a touch of mystery....

    The crescent moon
    will be flourescent soon.
    The neon sun
    will only shine nine to five.
    (advertisement lights
    will still be brighter)

    Humanities darkest day will be in flames...

    ^oh snap................the moon and sun line was very tight.....the part about advertising lights still glowing brighter was just sick....lol....great imagery and describition I could almost in vision this............our darkest days wait for flames...aint that the truth....I never thought of it like that

    The seas will wash over
    the embers of our burning world
    like salt, slowly flowing into
    an earthquakes open wound.
    Oil fields blazing from below,
    sending broken smoke signals
    to a spectating heaven.

    Earth's rebirth has been aborted...

    ^ok earthquakes open wound?!?!?!?....get outta here!!!!!!....these metaphors are scary and shocking.....sending smoke signals to heaven!????!?....haahahaha....I normally dont flip out on a poem but this was just tight.....lost of words.............................


    but it doesnt stop there does it....................you keep it going:

    We'll create a disease
    for every dieing virus.
    See Jesus be reborn
    through hollow test tubes.
    Follow dead roots split into wires.
    Branches wont grow leaves,
    only blank computer screens.
    The decaying tree of knowledge
    will be cut - and pasted,
    seeds replaced with synthetics.
    Organic only known as myth,
    feeling, will cease to exist.

    Humanities hands will be branded by expansion...

    ^the birth of a new age and a cybor god....jesus cloned....some futurisitc ish....I love this style....abstract maddness but well organized and planned out.....the describtiion is so on point..................................

    Greed inciting machine riots.
    Dreams running on autopilot,
    showcasing hope on hybrid.
    We'll fuel an empty revolution,
    only engines of our former glory.
    Overshadowed by productivity.

    Mother nature's first born will be cloned...

    ^this poem just gets tighter and tighter as it leads up to the climax..................first born cloned?!??!!?......oh my


    Skyscrapers built to
    fill holes in the o-zone.
    The glass sky will crack,
    shattering like ashes
    of a transparent past.


    We'll go home to the future,
    with a present we passed...

    ^this last part is just amazing....that skyscrapper line killed it for me....best line in this whole piece.....you gave a new look at the world....and the end times.....sick

    and the last 2 lines was deep.....full circle

    wow


    thank you for joining the Realm I'm honored to have you here with us

    Peace and Godbless


    PS: those in the Poetry Slam better watch out if you coming like this?!?!?!

    PSS: Pay it Forward to : Poetickz
    test
  4. K. Loye

    K. Loye Po'Ethics

    Joined:
    May 5, 2005
    Messages:
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    Ay man, thanks for the indepth feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed it... I'll get at poetickz piece a little bit later, got some other pieces to feed on as well... Thanks again man

    -K. Loye
    test
  5. K. Loye

    K. Loye Po'Ethics

    Joined:
    May 5, 2005
    Messages:
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    Bumpiddy bump bump bumpiddy bump bump look at my thread go!
    test
  6. Justin85

    Justin85 True Poetical Emcee

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2004
    Messages:
    243
    hey man i really liked this piece alot.. very good.. i liked the ideas expressed thru this poem.. and it was all very nicely written.. real good job here. If you could please check out my piece.. i'd appreciate it.

    Thanks

    Justin
    test
  7. MisterEThoughts

    MisterEThoughts MysteryOfUntoldTruth

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2003
    Messages:
    1,990
    Wow, I got to admit... That was quite amazing. I thought that really summed all that is happening now...

    Definitely feeling your style....


    Quoting...


    We'll create a disease
    for every dieing virus.
    See Jesus be reborn
    through hollow test tubes.
    Follow dead roots split into wires.
    Branches wont grow leaves,
    only blank computer screens.
    The decaying tree of knowledge
    will be cut - and pasted,
    seeds replaced with synthetics.
    Organic only known as myth,
    feeling, will cease to exist.

    thats really beautiful...

    I could definitely see it in color...


    Nice, Keep it up....
    test
  8. POETICVIBEZ

    POETICVIBEZ New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2005
    Messages:
    9
    This was fire when UFO suggested it I didnt know what to expect but he proved his taste to of the quality type cause this was a quality write
    test
  9. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

    Joined:
    May 3, 2004
    Messages:
    1,173
    "Skyscrapers built to
    fill holes in the o-zone.
    The glass sky will crack,
    shattering like ashes
    of a transparent past.


    We'll go home to the future,
    with a present we passed..."


    I looooved the ending...
    test
  10. K. Loye

    K. Loye Po'Ethics

    Joined:
    May 5, 2005
    Messages:
    51
    Thanks for the feedback everyone, it's appreciated. and I'll be sure to be on the look out for some of your poetry...

    -K. Loye
    test
  11. eM-T

    eM-T Because We Are

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2005
    Messages:
    148
    "When the elements fell
    descendents of spring
    organized a nuclear winter,
    global warming is hell.
    Bring acid rain and wash away
    your plastic landscapes,
    recycle the night to feed
    a depleting dawn.

    The crescent moon
    will be flourescent soon.
    The neon sun
    will only shine nine to five.
    (advertisement lights
    will still be brighter)

    Humanities darkest day will be in flames..."

    love the introduction. touched up on some social and semi political issues. Always love poems that are about today.

    "Bring acid rain and wash away
    your plastic landscapes,"
    ^ these two lines especially have some amazing imagery.

    "Earth's rebirth has been aborted...

    We'll create a disease
    for every dieing virus.
    See Jesus be reborn
    through hollow test tubes.
    Follow dead roots split into wires.
    Branches wont grow leaves,
    only blank computer screens.
    The decaying tree of knowledge
    will be cut - and pasted,
    seeds replaced with synthetics.
    Organic only known as myth,
    feeling, will cease to exist."

    ^ love the concept of this. One might argue we are the gods now? (we can create life, destroy life, manipulate life.... so what is it now that makes god so special?)

    "Mother nature's first born will be cloned...

    Skyscrapers built to
    fill holes in the o-zone.
    The glass sky will crack,
    shattering like ashes
    of a transparent past.


    We'll go home to the future,
    with a present we passed... "

    ^nice closing lines. Once again, some awsome imagery. Flow is outstanding throughout the peice. It seems to be a cool concept where. from what I get, you have incorperated the tails of tradition with the happenings of modern life.

    also thank you for your feed. I have a new policy...
    push me and Ill push back. (and I am all about being honest. I aint here for a pat on the back.)

    upppp

    -eMpTy
    test
  12. K. Loye

    K. Loye Po'Ethics

    Joined:
    May 5, 2005
    Messages:
    51
    Yo man, thanks for the indepth feed, and I agree with you with your new policy definitly something that everyone should do...

    Last up!
    test
  13. da sein

    da sein feel influence

    Joined:
    May 6, 2005
    Messages:
    48
    aight
    The neon sun
    will only shine nine to five.
    (advertisement lights
    will still be brighter)
    ^^william Gibson-esque...
    this made the generalized jargon in the first stanza work toward something worthwhile

    The seas will wash over
    the embers of our burning world
    like salt, slowly flowing into
    an earthquakes open wound.
    Oil fields blazing from below,
    sending broken smoke signals
    to a spectating heaven.
    ^^ i like how you detatch heaven from the detruuction of man....also the salt, earthquake...more apocalyptic imagery to tie it all together

    We'll create a disease
    for every dieing virus.
    See Jesus be reborn
    through hollow test tubes.
    Follow dead roots split into wires.
    Branches wont grow leaves,
    only blank computer screens.
    The decaying tree of knowledge
    will be cut - and pasted,
    seeds replaced with synthetics.
    Organic only known as myth,
    feeling, will cease to exist.
    ^^^best stanza of any poem i have read in a while...
    this is truely amazing in every aspect....

    Dreams running on autopilot,
    ^^this and the temporal skew of the last two lines casts this poem in a reflection of a future not yet to be...its a real nice twist on this theme...

    all in all an extremely successful piece....
    nice length and flow...construction...
    test
  14. screamer

    screamer New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2004
    Messages:
    182
    I have read this one a few days back ( I didnt have time to comment) this poem friggin rocks! This twisted nitemare... could be reality soon... how clearly and concisley you potryaed some huge and scary idead. The imagery, for real... Nice stuff. Hope to read more from you soon.
    test
  15. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    Took me a minute to get into the piece because I'm not really into things like this. But damn when I started to like the poem you just ended it. Think it would have been a hell of a lot better if it was longer IMO. You still did an excellent job with the piece nonetheless.

    One luv
    test
  16. K. Loye

    K. Loye Po'Ethics

    Joined:
    May 5, 2005
    Messages:
    51
    Thanks for all the feedback and love on this piece... Now I shall let it fall into the archives....
    test
  17. OutLoud

    OutLoud New Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2005
    Messages:
    6
    you shall let it fall back into my hands...you pathetic excuse for a poet.
    because i wrote this. this is Mindless in a crew called Po'ethics (you bit that too)
    from a site called rapbattles. i hope to God you're not anyone i know from there...
    i wish you would stop stealing my work and posting it on other sites.

    here is my proof. some mod please ban this kid.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=188218

    as you can see, i posted this up on RB over 2 weeks ago.
    and this was posted here less than a week ago.

    lol, he couldn't even spell Apocalypse right in the thread title, or in his sig...


    what a fuckin shame
    test
  18. Van Ghost

    Van Ghost New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2005
    Messages:
    12
    This kid's finished. Biter
    test
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