"...And I Prayed For Rain"

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Novaman: RaWKiLLa, Aug 1, 2005.

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  1. Novaman: RaWKiLLa

    Novaman: RaWKiLLa New Member

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    ...And I Prayed For Rain

    Only dark clouds to symbolize my sadness
    Only the gray horizon can magnify my madness
    Needing solace from God, my tears sustain
    --But then I thought of you
    --And I prayed for rain

    Many tears have journyed down my face
    For my heart to realize some things can't replace
    That eternal bond, though we try in vain
    --Our flesh cons us again
    --To face nakedness and shame

    In search for contentment for my soul
    A dream to hope for and a beauty to hold
    Wanting the drops to wash my sinful stain
    --Cause I wanted redemption
    --But without the pain

    No mortal coil can restrain this desire
    My thirsty soul panteth for that which is Higher
    I found my healing while being slain
    --Cause I longed for sunshine
    --Yet I prayed for rain

    [chicken]
    test
  2. InFiNiT_EEE

    InFiNiT_EEE dreaming out loud

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    i really liked this.. I been wantin to write a poem about the weather as a metaphore for my emotion/pain... Something i realized lately, whenever im feelin like shit, having a bad day, its reflected in the weather.. its really weird.. the weather does some fucked up things when im emotional as hell.. We had a tornado alert the other day the day after i had this huge fight with my bf... i mean ive never cried so hard in my life.. and i swear i was surrounded by all this downpour until we finally resolved it...

    Now today, im lookin at the clouds, and watchin the trees blow and it looks like its gona rain... The anticipation of it is unbearable sometimes, cuz the downpour is innevitable, its just a matter of when it decides to fall...

    the good thing about it... is after it rains there is sunshine once again.. so atleast theres something to look forward to.
    test
  3. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

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    Hahaaaaaa...yesssss, man that's me!!

    I liked this..it hits home!!

    Great job!
    test
  4. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    first and last stanza's are awsome. great poem. Deserves some more feed.
    test
  5. twinkletoes

    twinkletoes New Member

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    I guess we all face that dichotomy some time...wanting redemption w/o pain - wanting sunshine but praying for rain...I love it

    The only part that was not working for me was the first two lines of the last stanza - the rhyme scheme sounds really forced here...If you're looking for revision suggestions, I'd play with those two lines and change little else, it's a hot drop
    test
  6. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    I found my healing while being slain
    man, true that. Most times that moment of clarity comes unexpected-don't know which way to take it, its like a slap in the face...it hurts, but it will do you some good. I mean, you got slapped for a reason right? haha, I liked this piece. It's mellow.

    Only dark clouds to symbolize my sadness
    Only the gray horizon can magnify my madness
    Needing solace from God, my tears sustain
    --But then I thought of you
    --And I prayed for rain

    ^this part reminds me of one of John Legend's songs, shoots I can't think of the name but its like..."when it's cold outsiiiiide, there's no need to worry cause I'm so warm insiiiide..." love that song. Anyways keep writing!

    -Much Love
    test
  7. Wicked5744

    Wicked5744 Last I awoke, it was morn

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    Nu wassup patna. I was feelin this. Nothing like Nature's extremes and elements to make a poem. The best descriptions are usually the most powerful, know what I mean? Keep the ink flowin. 1.
    test
  8. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

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    ^^ yeah that part misskey quoted was dope ...I feel ya
    test
  9. *Hott Chocolate*

    *Hott Chocolate* current mood: happy

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    oh my goodness.
    ^ luved that! know that feeling exactly, and u put it so perfectly
    test
  10. Novaman: RaWKiLLa

    Novaman: RaWKiLLa New Member

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    I appreciate the fact that you appreciated my writing. I haven't written poetry in a while and there was something I had to get off my chest on to paper. Usually I write poetry when I'm depressed so guess what? But I feel better now. My homegirl went to Korea for missionary work, and we are really tight (like brother and sister). One week I was talking to a some friends of mine, one of them is married, and we was talking about love, marriage, and how they each had prayed to God about a spouse and how he found his wife, and my other homey started talking to his girl.

    And they suggested (since I'm deathly afraid to approach any woman romantically) that I pray to God about what I want. So I did. And the whole time I was praying I just thought about my home girl in Korea. And mutual friends say that we should hook up, but I don't think she sees me like that and really don't want to know me like that. And the night I was thinking about it I got a prostitute. That was the most disgusting experience in my life, and that morning when I woke up I felt really bad, morally and mentally. Looked out side and it was raining and I thought it would be okay to cry cause no one would know. They would just think its rain. And I hoped that it kept on raining so I could wallow in my self-pity for a while.

    So with this poem I'm speaking in double: about my relationship with Jesus and with my Homegirl.
    test
  11. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    ^Be careful fucking with them prostitutes. This aint the 1970's man.

    But it's always good to see you back in the realm man. This piece was very creative. Loved the way you use nature to describe your feelings with both the girl and Jesus. Something I have troubles doing in my writings.

    ONe luv
    test
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