Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by IAmDonoTg, Nov 15, 2012.
great use of pauses and some great vocabulary..
the tone of your voice didn't really fit though and took away from the weight of the piece.. it didn't convey the sadness or heaviness of this kind of topic
I agree with ink, I also think the use of common rhyme schemes take away power from this, shoulda went flat non rhyme showcasing more your delivery...kinda feels like this leans on the rhymes too much as the draw of the writtn...but anyhow you are a pretty good topical writer imo
I feel you.
My writing background is a lot longer and more extensive than my vocalization background so I'm still learning a lot.
Plus these pieces were all written to be read not to be spoken. I'm just trying to adapt my topical pieces into spoken word.
But those are just lame excuses, I appreciate the feedback, I'll try to incoroprate some of this into the next one.
Awesome man, I wish you luck. Don't stop. You will get mad better. Like I said, you are a very good topical writer, that is clear. Study the great spoken word performers and adapt your skills into that platform. I think you can step it up.
Do pieces and topics/themes that suit your vocal range.
Separate names with a comma.