Advice..

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by Envy, Mar 19, 2013.

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  1. Envy

    Envy Song Writer / Artist.

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    This didn't go in the 'Man enough' forum, because i'm not..

    I would like complete strangers opinions on a situation i am in. Basically, my ex-girlfriend and i split up after 18 months, the reason we split up isn't important but it wasn't anything to do with cheating, wanting anyone else or not wanting to be together, but i was the one who ended it.

    We split up at the end of january, we didnt really stay in contact right away as it was hard for both of us, after a month or so - we started texting small talk every now and then, nothing really specific. But i was realising that i missed her and still wanted to be with her, Then last weekend, (which coincidentally was her birthday) we started talking properly and i asked if we could maybe meet up on sunday after she had been out, to sit down and talk everything out, she said yes and everything was cool, here's the issue...

    I work part time in a nightclub in my area, I knew she was going to be there that night to celebrate her birthday with all her friends, which wasnt going to be a problem for me, or her - Sure enough, about 2am and she comes into the club, already pretty drunk - with a bunch of her friends. We make a bit of small talk, but as im working - couldnt really spend much time with her, so i left her to do her own thing.

    It gets to about 3am and it's quietened down, so we start talking properly, she says she really loves me, would do anything to get back with me and she has been miserable the last 2 months, I tell her that i still love her, i miss her and i wanna talk things through and see what happens. She agrees and that's pretty much the last thing we say before she leaves to go home.

    Next morning, i wake up - she calls me and said she wanted to talk to me, it turns out - that after she left my work, she went to another pub (again with her friends) and was intending to go to her girls house to keep drinking, but her and her other friend couldnt find it, so they end up walking home. It started snowing during this time and my ex didn't want to leave her friend walking in the snow by himself, so she invites him in.
    (Yes, that's where it's going...)

    They end up in her bed, they sort of have sex (her description was; they didn't 'finish', he was tiny, she regrets it more than anything and all it was was 2 friends who were two drunk having a laugh) She says that she barely remembers anything of the night and that she was far too drunk.

    She was in tears when i went to her place, saying she's fucked up, i'm obviously really hurt at this point but because she was single although it sucks, i can't really be mad. but more-so because of the things she and i said before she left the club. We end up talking about everything and i can see how genuine she's being about it all. She assures me it was because she was lonely, it was her birthday and it wasn't planned and i can accept that, but obviously im still a bit .. hurt about it all.

    I mean, i do still want to talk things through and be with her and she was technically single when this happened..

    What are your guys thoughts about it all?
    test
  2. Envy

    Envy Song Writer / Artist.

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    I'd also like to re-iterate the fact, we have 18 months of history and add she has never cheated on me in the past or given me reason to think she would.
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  3. Sir Bustalot

    Sir Bustalot I am Jesus

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    ill teach you a magic trick.

    flip a coin. The coin always reveals truth. Because if you don't like its choice it made, you begin to find excuses on why you should reflip or why that one flip didn't count.

    first try that. Resolve to agree with its decision. Unless of course its revealed to you that you don't like its decision.

    next put yourself in the mindset of someone in her situation on the night in question. Imagine and feel how she must have been thinking to have had the night work out like that. Then decide if you thought those thoughts and feelings were acceptable to you. If they aren't, don't get back with her. If you can put yourself in that mindset and be happy with how the thought process went down then go for it.

    also, she is obviously good friends with this dude. She will hang out with him again if shes clueless and doesn't have good motives for you... so do you think this will be an issue for you, knowing shes hanging with a dude who shes already had a lustful night with?

    if anything makes you question whether you could or not, you aren't ready to. A relationship with a back issue such as your trust with her, wont work.
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  4. Sir Bustalot

    Sir Bustalot I am Jesus

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    also remember youre young and if you did go for it and things didn't work out its not the end of the world. Theres lots of ladies out there

    but don't ever sell out your dignity cuz of jealousy or for some sex.

    don't settle for less.
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  5. Envy

    Envy Song Writer / Artist.

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    Pretty spot on advice to be fair, to answer your question about her seeing this guy again, as stupid as it seems - it really doesnt phase me that much, it's not so much who the guy was as to what events happened during the night and obviously our different mind states. Plus, the guy and i used to actually get along back when i was dating her and to be fair (as much as it sucks) he's quite a nice guy, so im glad it was with someone she knew rather than someone who may not of respected her...

    I can completely agree with what you're saying though about putting myself in that position and if i agree with the mindset about whats acceptable and to be honest, if it was me... I'd be feeling like she was feeling.


    Everything is telling me to just get on with it and try again with girl, guess i just wanted reassurance that im not being an idiot.
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  6. Aesthet1c

    Aesthet1c The Morning Star

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    She still loves you, she was single at the moment so she was in right; Disregarding her statements. But they were intoxicated which does have a pretty big role in things, but if shes gonna be the one too call and tell you how bad she feels and how disgusted she feels about herself that means a lot man. Keep that girl
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  7. Envy

    Envy Song Writer / Artist.

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    Thanks for your input, bro.
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  8. Geedorah

    Geedorah King

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    And she was intoxicated when she said she loves him.
    I wouldnt go back to her.
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  9. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

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    For one, she was drunk. People do stupid shit when they're drunk, and it's meaningless. You are human and it's going to hurt, but you need to ask yourself if you can get past it.

    Two, you weren't 'dating' at the time, so it's technically not cheating, though I understand the confusion considering the conversation you had just prior. Again, though, she was drunk..and I'm guessing emotional etc..

    If you two really love each other (and obviously she is full of remorse) then you'll get past this. You have nothing to lose by talking and easing back into the normalcy of a relationship.

    Just hug her, let her know it's ok...and move forward :)
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  10. Geedorah

    Geedorah King

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    But she also said she loves him when she was drunk,so she was lying or that was stupid because she was drunk?
    Or her saying she loves him was meaningless,when just because she was drunk and fucked someone was meaningless then the same rules must apply to saying.
    My opinion is she was feeling lonely and wanted someone,thought you will go with her that night but you couldnt so she got the next best thing.
    test
  11. Sir Bustalot

    Sir Bustalot I am Jesus

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    this is why i askd him to put himself in her shoes. But its not easy to do and some people cant do it as bias-free as others. Brains work alike. Its the design, so if you witness stimulus one way, its pretty likely that others did the same. So if you can put yourself in her shoes and disassociate and feel what she woulda been feeling. Then you can decide if you like her motives.

    anyways he said he did and feels she was just drunk and horny.

    My last advice for him is to see if shes pursuing him now, now that's its been a few since the night in question. If shes still pursuing him it would be a sign she really is interested. If shes left him alone its probably a sign it was a drunk night and she didn't mean it. People often leave mistakes alone in hopes other will not notice or it will blow over...
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  12. GaLaTeA

    GaLaTeA GymArt

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    If this isn't something that will get in the way in your future relationship with aformentioned girl (potential trust issues, etc), then rekindle the flame. :)
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  13. antilluminati

    antilluminati Well-Known Member

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    Hopefully he was to drunk to get it up, and not finishing means he didn't make her come ^^
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  14. Put it in my Mouth

    Put it in my Mouth member

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    First you have to ask yourself if you believe her b/c as a gay guy I have many gf & I'm familiar with the stories girls tell guys to make them feel better such as- his dick was small we didn't finish. I think the problem is on some level you don't completely believe her.

    If you believe her then you have to accept the situation and you're gonna have to let this 1 slide b/c it appears that there was no malice or ill intent in the deed. Plus if she confessed immediately & didn't do the bitch move of having you find out about it from some1 else then she gets points 4 that. Have her tested, forgive & move on with her.

    That coin flip aka psychology 101 trick is brilliant- I actually used that many times & have found that based on my reaction to the flip, subconsciously I already knew what I wanted to do.
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  15. L u c y

    L u c y (Administrator) SWERVE

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    aww Krim man that "his dick was tiny" sounds like a heap of "this will make it sound better"

    if you really love her & can forgive her, go for it fuck what anyone else thinks. everyone messes up & she didn't have to tell you I guess. good luck
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  16. Geedorah

    Geedorah King

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    She a lying bitch,she just wants to use you.
    Maybe thats good if she hot.
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  17. antilluminati

    antilluminati Well-Known Member

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    Make it even? ^^ U don't need to hold a grudge at least :D
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  18. Geedorah

    Geedorah King

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    IF he would do the same she would kill him.
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  19. antilluminati

    antilluminati Well-Known Member

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    He don't have to tell her. Just not to FEEL hes below her, its a psychological thing.
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  20. AliceHouse

    AliceHouse The House Always Wins

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    Why did you break up? If that's not resolved, it's just going to pop up again.
    test
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