Addiction

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Awethentec, Dec 4, 2010.

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  1. Awethentec

    Awethentec New Member

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    Falling out of skin, calling all my kin
    this building? the loneliest place I've been
    my soles stomp aloud, my heart beats quicker
    til the next quick fix, my hard feet flicker
    my synap-ses eroded over time, been eaten alive
    inside of my mind's eye, where the cheatin lies
    don't feel obliged, to be kind to the 'hind
    ass-signed to devils, I hear em 'tween the lines
    spirit sliding backward.... no time to react
    grim reality, becoming one with my habit-at
    a crossroad, through the fog I can't look back
    my home I had, obscured, compass 'lost n crack'-ed
    no true direction, can't find my way to shore
    knuckles bloody n bruised, from rowing for this whore
    a wicked mistress, shell listed, frame in dis-stress
    giving a piss-less..... for all my missed steps
    sometime ago, my soul vacated this driven derisive
    worse isn't imaginary, my soul prison already lived it
    on streets arisen, searching out solid scarce sleep
    garbage can n dumpster defeat, yearning for hearty eats
    sustinence seek, something to sell, cease this grief
    pray in the wrong way, God? he turns blind eyes
    peer in disgust, lost faith in a tie that binds
    reality twisted, fleeting memories of a life lost
    dealer? so oblivious... of what his strife cost (caused)
    through these looking glass..... I now impart despair
    my life not even something I wish a worst enemy shared
    ogle if you must, a hard stare cant 'change' my fare
    pared down to bone, many heirs might fit this chair
    test
  2. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    This is a verse not a poem, this would be better in the open mic section.

    However, it is still pretty good. I like this line "my home I had, obscured, compass 'lost n crack'-ed"

    "garbage can n dumpster defeat" I really like that line too


    I like this, pretty good, you should rap it and post up the audio.



    read my poem about drug addiction and tell me what you think:


    http://board.rapmusic.com/poetry-realm/1251798-mr-vinosity.html
    test
  3. Awethentec

    Awethentec New Member

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    thanks for the feedback.... Firstly....I'd have put this in open mic but to me it feels a lot more poetic, hence why i put it here. Second, I'd love to do this as an audio but truthfully i dont have the skills to do a beat for myself, and I havent really found anything that I can fit it onto, sonically speaking.

    I have a mic but really no other recording type equipment, and when i finally do this as an audio, I want it to sound great, not half-cocked.
    test
  4. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

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    4,154
    really nice dude..

    through these looking glass..... I now impart despair
    my life not even something I wish a worst enemy shared

    ^tight

    keep it up..
    test
  5. MissTique

    MissTique T-Shirt Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime

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    Damn, Im so impressed.. That was beautiful.
    test
  6. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    absolutely wonderful, my tidings of wellness to you
    test
  7. ViDaR

    ViDaR [¤Thong Btween my ears¤-]

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    test
  8. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    I got the feeling that it was more SPOKEN WORD/RAP than "classical" European styled poetry myself.I liked the unexpected twist in rhyme schemes and I really liked the opening 4 bars.Nice work!
    test
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