A Story of People

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by BarsOfNarcomaDreams, Dec 19, 2013.

  1. BarsOfNarcomaDreams

    BarsOfNarcomaDreams Member

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    White-hot steel buildings stand on blistering grey cement slabs, which support the soles of many black boots. Camo green tanks tread over brown soil to the commander, standing in formal blue dress, facing a red sea of soldiers. Red uniforms were chosen to serve a purpose and make a point. Their numbers are such that they do not suppress their presence – they advertise it. They march toward faces purple in horror, faces of people who understand the purpose of the red uniform, and can see the point being made in front of them. So the people run. They run from the yellow stars shooting black holes as their families and friends fall into tan sand, left to burn under an orange sun. The commander’s suit was blue because his superiors expect him to express sadness and regret for what he has to command the soldiers to do. The commander smiles. He smiles his brightest blue. He will receive a golden medallion for his bravery and decisiveness. He contemplates his merits as his soldiers eat purple hearts.
    There is never a great struggle. Not anymore. The unfallen see the consequences of resistance. Every black day the soldiers in red fall, a nation sinks into the blue sea. There is no longer any resistance. The soldiers know this. After their meal, they dance through the streets to a violet tune, lazily assassinating heads of state and taking power with the grace and rhythm of a drunken white rhino in a glass cage.
    Upon return to the homestate, a committee of men and women in blue suits address them. The scarlet covered soldiers are informed that they have been convicted of war crimes. Their sentence is death. The process of execution is determined by a group comprised of surviving family members of the slaughtered. They do not need much time. It is decided. The soldiers are forced to eat their blood-soaked uniforms. As the last soldier turns blue choking on his red uniform, he can taste what he knows are not pennies. It is the change he has made.
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    test
  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    awesome read man...

    one thing tho, you don't have to describe every single thing. for example "orange sun", "yellow stars" "tan sand" "golden medallion" "white hot steel" "grey cement slabs" "black boots" "green tanks" "brown soil"

    or did you do all this to for effect, seeing how color had importance in the end? hard to say. good read tho
    test
  3. BarsOfNarcomaDreams

    BarsOfNarcomaDreams Member

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    Nope the descriptions of color were intentional. I purposefully left out the color of people as well to add another dimension. Thanks for reading! I appreciate the feedback.
    test
  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    avoid writing these in paragraph form but otherwise a pretty nice read
    test

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