A slice from: I:3 part 1..."the illest immortal illuminati"...

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by DethStryque, Sep 9, 2012.

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  1. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    WHAT HAPPENS when you grab the mic and flow from the heart
    BUST RAPPIN that like Mac-10s blow holes in the charts?
    Slow in the start/but you get quick with the pick up
    crowds erupt and git lit up as you start servin ya spit up
    flipped cuts/with double hemispheric appeal
    Deliver the skill combined with the spirit of Real
    Here is the deal/be true to the artist within
    Lose touch just once and it ALL COULD END
    They're all your friend...until the REAL pressure is on
    Conjecture is on: Is "Deth the" "lessuh professor of psalms"?
    my steel "lecture" [pronounced: "leckshuh" ] is strong.
    life is a swamp or a jungle...
    you're gonna stumble and tumble but can you come back and rumble?
    leave your foes in a jumble,reduce their roars to a mumble
    be fiercely proud in your heart and yet impartial n humble
    mix up styles like gumbo. find your voice and speak
    connect to rhythms and beats,unleash the speech that's unique
    stare in the mirror of your soul you might grasp the key
    i ask of thee, on my knees:"Lord. Am I he?
    Oh God,can I be...
    THE ILLEST IMMORTAL ILLUMINATI?"

    [ skip a couple verses, get to this one...]


    the pressure is mountin and many people are doubtin
    like "geysers' "my words" are spoutin but you ain't hearin me shoutin
    your friends are madd fakes my mistakes and bad breaks
    add weight to my back til i crack and lash hate!
    bash stakes thru your temple until your dome's disassembled
    it's therapuetic when i do this with micrphones or a pencil
    stencil my name in the stars or on the corpse of foes carve
    DETHSTRYQUE THE INVINCIBLE with syllables barbed!
    starved...for it all,i know what's hap-pen-nin
    worked at MCDONALD'S ,quit once,now i'm back-again
    grab a pad and pen/laugh when my raps begin
    i been collapsin men committin the most massive sins
    slashin grins/under chins every time that i rhyme it
    to LOSE YOURSELF IN A MOMENT ya gotta find and design it!
    grab on with both fists cause LIFE's a two-timing trick
    flippin those who's rhyming slick and make em hoo ride a dick
    my 9 to 5 ain't providin these bills're steadily pilin
    my college life is causin strife i wonder what the hell i've been
    doin/no time for broodin or despair soul-pollutin
    verbally shootin like a camera after the LA riots lootin
    transmutin/lead to gold or words i told to platinum
    packed magnificent raps like infinite gats to cap men
    snap pens/with charged volts sharp bolts thru scarred throats
    disarmin and harmin kids with "arson spits" that charred folks
    hard quotes eruptions punches causin concussions
    emotions bustin like Glocks dumpin,pen and pad is conductin
    verses to disperse wits and hearse kids that's first hit
    gimme a track my raps'll crack it,gimme a battle i'll merk it!
    verbs split/ya open right down to the spirit
    Spray frees like rabies tuh ears mixed
    With the flame heat of Hades transmitted thru lyrics!!
    Deth the Black Spartacus with rap's hardest scripts
    Cracks marks n wigs like clapped Larks n clips
    Spark cartiledge with the wrath of amassed arsonists
    And smash targets quick til they're ripped apart sharked n split
    By my art of sicc darts n flipped with the art of wit
    Kid I packed my heart in this! Test Deth? Run up!!
    Streets are filled with the angels and demons I done one upped
    Trees are filled with the females n males I done strung up
    And hit with whirlpools lightning and hail...maelstrom'd up!!
    Punk, what?! We seen you been stackin the cash n how
    You been laughin while we been blackin out strugglin under
    Ya boot heel! That's why me n my crew will
    Put cruel steel to you n ya dude's grill til
    We gain victory...And lead everyone to liberty
    Picture me, after my foes are wrecked with rhyme...
    When only I and I alone am left behind...
    I drop ta knees. Cuz even Deth is flesh and bone
    abandoned in the Darkness,Deth is standin alone
    quellin fears and years of unshed tears from scars invisible
    whisper it clear so only God can hear:"Deth's not Invincible"
    soul deep bleeding grieving exceeding all things preceding
    my witless heart keeps beating? it's easier to cease breathing!
    learn this despair-infectin love-rejectin torturous-lesson
    will i quit or keep steppin? i have to answer the question:
    what happens when you grab the mic and flow from the heart
    bust rappin that like mac-10s blows holes in the charts
    slow in the start/but you get quick in the pick up
    crowds erupt and get lit up as you start servin ya spit up
    flipped cuts/with double hemispheric appeal
    deliver the skill combined with the spirit of Real
    here is the deal/be true to the artist within
    lose touch just once and it ALL COULD END
    they're ALL YOUR FRIEND/until the REAL pressure is on
    conjecture is on/is Deth the lesser professor of psalms?
    my steel lecture is strong/life is a swamp or a jungle
    you're gonna stumble and tumble but can you come back and rumble?
    leave your foes in a jumble,reduce their roars to a mumble
    be fiercely proud in your heart and yet impartially humble?
    mix up styles like gumbo/find your voice and speak
    connect with rhythm and beats,unleash the speach that's unique
    stare in the mirror of your soul you might find the key
    i ask of thee/on my knees:"Lord,am i he?
    Oh God,am i he?
    THE ILLEST IMMORTAL ILLUMINATI...
    test
  2. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

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    Well, this was suprising. I've only ever read your battle verses which are a different beast entirely. I'd probably appreciate this a lot more recorded, the flow rolled off the tongue for the most part and showed how you can switch up your scheme from one bar to the next. Enjoyed it.
    test
  3. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Thank you very much, bruh! I appreciate the props and the knowledgeable critique. Yes, I write to beats [ as you can tell from this piece ] and I have never separated writing for text from writing to music from writing to spit acapella to spontaneous cyphers on the corner or just spittin with da homiez as we're chillin.
    test
  4. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Nearly 100 views and only 1 posted response? More comments would be appreciated. Thanks.
    test
  5. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    be fiercely proud in your heart and yet impartial n humble
    SPEAK TO ME.
    "my 9 to 5 ain't providin these bills're steadily pilin
    my college life is causin strife i wonder what the hell i've been
    "

    "verbs split/ya open right down to the spirit
    Spray frees like rabies tuh ears mixed
    With the flame heat of Hades transmitted thru lyrics!!"

    I like how this was set up and the flow worked perfectly with the last bar.

    "Kid I packed my heart in this! Test Deth? Run up!!
    Streets are filled with the angels and demons I done one upped
    "
    SPEAK TO 'EM

    "I drop ta knees. Cuz even Deth is flesh and bone"

    here the story seems to get extremely personal,

    "abandoned in the Darkness,Deth is standin alone
    quellin fears and years of unshed tears from scars invisible
    whisper it clear so only God can hear:"Deth's not Invincible"
    soul deep bleeding grieving exceeding all things preceding
    my witless heart keeps beating? it's easier to cease breathing!
    learn this despair-infectin love-rejectin torturous-lesson
    will i quit or keep steppin? i have to answer the question:"

    and though I liked that it seemed like I was relating with the writer most here,
    the flow felt rushed.


    Overall great piece, easy to get through which I liked (flow wise) because of the use of multis,
    and you had some Trill parts now and again, good work!!
    test
  6. L u c y

    L u c y (Administrator) SWERVE

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    great writing Deth - have you ever thought of including the beat you write to? (just a thought)

    Dethdoesgunbars>>
    test
  7. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Lololololol "Dethdoesgunbars>>"!! LOLOL+1!

    Thank you so very much, my lovely Lucy. The beat that I wrote this to...believe it or not...is Kweli's "GET BY". I heard the opening musical bars to his song, and this rap sprung full blown into my mind...
    test
  8. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Tremendous critique, and like all of the other responses I've received thus far? I can and do learn from your responses and improve as a lyricist because of it.

    I feel where you're coming from when you say that the flow is rushed, but this piece has well over 400 bars. If I'd included the sections preceding this one? You'd see that I didn't "rush" much if at all with the "personal" sections...

    ...I'm very pleased to see you highlighted specific sections, and in the sections you highlighted were some of my favorite parts too. I very much enjoy multis, trying to craft visuals, switching rhyme patterns and most especially delivering bars with content that go beyond the regular largely brainless fare that we see in too much of rap today. In particular I enjoy the specifically personal parts and not frontin like either I or anyone else is or actually should be totally invincible, perfect, flawless, untouchable. We all endure our struggles, doubts, screwups and such. Both our screwups and how we [ fail/don't fail ] to deal with them are signal aspects of our personal character; and that's an essential part of life imho.

    Oh yeah. In every I:3 rap I write? The events and specifics are 100% true; they are things that I have personally experienced, seen, endured...lived.

    Here's something funny: I don't know who Trill is. Lolol. But it sounds like I might like--him? The group? Whatever Trill is.
    test
  9. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    ^That whole album is sick, as well as Ear Drum if I'm thinking of the right name.

    Kweli has to be may favorite rapper now that I stopped listening to Rza/Jay-Z/Kanye.
    His similes are ridiculous as he goes SO in depth with them.
    test
  10. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    you are indeed thinking of the right guy, and I never got a chance to listen to my Ear Drum CD. My cousin jacked it and swears it's his and won't let me near it now, lol. Guess I'll just buy another one. Then karate chop him for jackin mine. Lol.

    And while RAKIM remains my personal G.O.A.T.? I am very impressed with Talib Kweli and have been since his QUALITY music drop years ago. I'm a straight up unabashed fan of Kweli and all the rappers like him from Medusa to Black Thought back to Chuck D and Paris to KRS-ONE, hopsin, The Horseshoe Gang [ rep my LBC KILLA KALI son ] all the way to the rappers in the battle leagues like GrindTime, kingofthedot, URL, etc. [ Blackheart Adonis is in my top 3 and is supa dupa slept on ].
    test
  11. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    The opening bar with montin/geysers did provide good imagery, I forgot to mention it.
    When you started with that early in the piece I thought you would continue along that path,
    and I was plesently surprised you didn't!


    If I record/write it is the same way!
    test
  12. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    ^^^This right here is a MAJOR reason why we vibe so much, big dawg. Thank you very very much on big uppin the imagery in the opening section. To me? Imagery is absolutely essential. Creativity and use of unusual metaphors are some of the most heinously overlooked aspects of rap; especially battle rap. In both pieces like this one [ we call raps like I:3 "flexes" ] and my battle raps, I very deliberately seek to use and craft visuals from off the beaten path that require a more comprehensive knowledge base. I despise repeatin the same things over and over. And over.

    but I love me some gun bars.
    test
  13. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    I haven't been able to hop on that train...
    Kweli is a collaboration demon as well, he isn't afraid to switch the style up.
    LISTEN TO THAT CD!!!!

    Ness Lee vs The Saurus was surprisingly entertaining to me,
    Saurus seemed to have been caught in a rut lately, but he woke up,
    and Ness was just smart as fuck.
    test
  14. LungZzZ

    LungZzZ Well-Known Member

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    "I'm the +Buffalo SolExplaindier+, smoke ya like a dreadlock rasta
    Blowing the spliff, loading a clip to spit high
    Like you holding blow in a stolen whip, rolling the strip
    Looking to hit cops,"

    Later in Verse 2

    "We stay doing it, later for the conversation
    Hammers is cocked and waiting, niggas is not debating
    We ain't got the patience. You found popping shit
    Come in to town just to run you down like poppa ditch
    And dig a proper ditch, you lying like a politician
    Your proposition meets opposition like contradictions"

    Kweli>>>
    test
  15. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    I absolutely frickin love LOVE that whole song that you quoted mayne!! and I feel TheSaurus and Ness on "TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN"
    test
  16. coil grimely

    coil grimely Tears textcees to tidbits

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    Damn bro... I like the diligence (sp?) of your work ethic. Bars upon bars and so forth. Rhymed well, nice usage of multis... plus it's an easy read.

    The last 6-8 bars of tge first verse I like (ya gnna stumble n tumble but can u get back up to rumble)... and I think another favorite bar is the stencil my name in the stars, etc.

    Good f'n post!
    test
  17. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

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    I read most of it, and I did enjoy it. I want to hear this recorded to a beat, so when you make that happen let me know. Good work.
    test
  18. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Thank you thank you thank you, my friend! I really appreciate your comment! Lolol yeah I like to try and stay busy...
    test
  19. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Thank you very much, Res! I do intend to record the whole I:3 series to the beats I wrote them to. Just a matter of getting the time right with my dawg DJ Skrap.
    test
  20. Gen The God

    Gen The God The Life or Death Poet

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    I'm not gonna do a breakdown of this song. I left my two cents on this one a long time ago on EB haha. This is a classic and like many have said before me in this thread, you should at least include the beat you wrote it to so we can visualize it better. Dope shit dog.
    test
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