A Race To Nowhere.

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by MissAndrya, Jan 1, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    5,052
    I sit quietly, motionless, beside the river.
    The leaves on the trees at the water's edge softly chatter,
    the breeze conversing with them in soft tones.
    Light from the day filters through, sparking the endless ripples of the water as it rushes forward,
    racing toward a finish it cannot see or comprehend.

    Mesmerized, my vision blurs,
    and I imagine for a moment I am one of those ripples,
    struggling to stay on top, to be in the light.
    Tumbling, rolling over the next to get ahead, impatient to be first.

    But for what??

    As the river widens, it also slows.
    There is no light here.
    The ripples, no longer having the energy to fight, become smaller, and lose their uniqueness,
    until they all but blend into one.
    Sinking, they drown in their own despair.

    A bird sings, it's sweet song bringing me back to the moment.
    I smile, awake for the first time, and I realize:
    I don't need to be a ripple in that river, vying for the light.
    I can be the light.
    • Hot Thread Hot Thread x 1
    test
  2. HYPNOTIK

    HYPNOTIK Fully Loaded

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2001
    Messages:
    80,394
    That's pretty abstract and deep.

    Pretty sweet I'm impressed
    test
  3. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    5,052
    Thank you :)

    It's how I think, and how I was thinking as I sat beside the river this summer.
    test
  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    This was an impressive piece of writing here. The rhyming was great and was not overwhelming. It was deep and the imagery paints a really solid picture for me. Nice work here
    test
  5. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    5,052
    Thanks, yo. :)
    test
  6. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    5,052
    test
  7. GaLaTeA

    GaLaTeA GymArt

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2010
    Messages:
    31,440
    Absolutely love it. Imagery is spectacular, yet the message behind it is very much something relatable. :)
    test
  8. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    5,052
    Thanks, Gal, you're a doll :)
    test
  9. GaLaTeA

    GaLaTeA GymArt

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2010
    Messages:
    31,440
    Yw, anytime. :)
    test
  10. Chavvah

    Chavvah New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2003
    Messages:
    70
    Ay....she said just give me the light. This piece was so intriguing. The discovery of self worth is what I got from it. I don't know why but it made me think of when a traditional girl from a tribe of some sort wonders off and tries to find out about this world for herself then realizes her own culture is was made her all the things she thought she was missing. Beautiful!!!
    test
  11. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    5,052
    Thank you :)

    When written, the 'ripples' represented people, in the race of life (rat race, so to speak), and how we all get caught up in it trying to impress or get the attention of our peers, bosses, partners etc. (the light).
    test
  12. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,178
    enjoy your stuff!
    test
  13. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    5,052
    Thank you :)
    test
  14. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2003
    Messages:
    2,940
    Why not be the light? Ah yes so clear and uplifting. The piece seemed to lose it's optimism, but instead found clarity. Very refreshing and a nice turn around at the end. Imaginary was fantastic. had a very natural feel. Nice use of elements
    test
  15. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    5,052
    Thank you, sincerely :) Glad you enjoyed :)
    test
  16. Prov3rb

    Prov3rb Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2013
    Messages:
    90
    Really well done. Vivid imagery and deep thinking, respect. The way you identified with the ripple of water really hit me; those little symbolic lessons every day things can show you totally blow my mind.
    test
  17. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    5,052
    Thank you :)
    test
  18. ikon211

    ikon211 Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2010
    Messages:
    143
    Amazing imagery. Line 3 was great giving me the action of leaves clattering, also I like how you utilized the word "chatter" with the "breeze". The conclusion couldn't have been any better. Great poem, I enjoyed it! :)
    test
  19. jesuit223

    jesuit223 Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2013
    Messages:
    40
    stunning imagery... and leaves so much room for the imagination
    test
  20. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2011
    Messages:
    5,052
    Glad you enjoyed it, thank you :)

    Thank you, truly :)
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)