a close call

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by T.R.C...., Sep 15, 2010.

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  1. T.R.C....

    T.R.C.... New Member

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    im out for a walk late at night an as i stride through the path
    it feels like im bein followed an theres eyes on my back
    at first i chalk it up to paranoia imagination in essence
    but as i venture further down the road i can feel a presence
    my heart begins to race my breathin becomes shallow
    an im rattled by every sound that comes out from the shadows
    i begin to sprint foward adrenaline coursin through
    attempting to outrun my pursuer til im no longer pursued
    i take a risk an glance back just a little nervous
    its clear at first then out of the dark a figure emerges
    i stop in my tracks all the blood drains from my flesh
    as i realize the face that im viewing is that of deaths
    wrapped in a tattered cloak an evil grin his expression
    with glowing red eyes peering out in my direction
    i couldnt believe it was real i thought this is insane
    then he pointed right at me and whispered my name
    in an instant he darted towards me i knew id be slain
    he drug his scicle as he ran and sparks flew from the blade
    i turned and booked it with a speed beyond my capacity
    seemed like a game to him cuz he actually laughed at me
    i figured this was it im about to die it wont be long
    then i looked back and to my amazment motherfucker was gone
    i stood there in awe inhaled deeply an breathed it out
    i guess it just wasnt my time at least for now.....




    http://board.rapmusic.com/open-mic/1237163-sum-ma-my-struggles.html
    http://board.rapmusic.com/open-mic/1237077-locked-trunk.html
    test
  2. dsp2k5

    dsp2k5 Dime Sack Pimp

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    wrapped in a tattered cloak an evil grin his expression
    with glowing red eyes peering out in my direction

    -very detailed, i like that


    i turned and booked it with a speed beyond my capacity
    seemed like a game to him cuz he actually laughed at me

    -that always happens in nightmares lol ... or am i wrong?


    i stood there in awe inhaled deeply an breathed it out
    i guess it just wasnt my time at least for now.....

    -dont get me wrong, i like this drop a lot, and its not that i dont like this ending, because you left it open, but a drop of this caliber and a writer/whatever of your caliber, i know you can bring and ending that does the rest of it justice, and then some ...

    nicely done, homie
    test
  3. T.R.C....

    T.R.C.... New Member

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    a writer of my caliber ha ha thanks man i appreciate that an i get what you sayin its just as i mentioned before i dont do too well with or even tryin to come up with a subject so my storytellin skills need a lot of work i tried to think of another ending but thats all i could really see fitting i didnt want to do like a oh it was a dream thing and its not like ima come up with a way to kill the grim reaper so i thought that fit best
    test
  4. mr.redeyez

    mr.redeyez Member

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    wat up trc dis shit hard right here cant pick no lines out i like tha whole thing u got skill fam
    test
  5. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    "at first i chalk it up to paranoia imagination in essence
    but as i venture further down the road i can feel a presence"

    this is what u call eating... best piece in my opinion i read yet... way better caliber then ur battle verse lol (inside joke)

    "i take a risk an glance back just a little nervous
    its clear at first then out of the dark a figure emerges"

    u just eating thru this

    i am used to reading solid consistant shit from t.r.c. on of my more preferred posters on open mic forum..

    this might have been the most powerful moment in the whole verse. and it was so simple
    yet eloquently composed..

    "then he pointed right at me and whispered my name"

    NICE DROP TRC WE GOTTA DROP A COLLABO SOOOOON!
    test
  6. Tacky Jones

    Tacky Jones www.TaCsmassivecock.gov

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    this was a sick drop. i was feeling it. man you should join up for the RSTL. really hone your skill. i think youd do well in the league. you got some nice rhymes going and your flow is on point. im diggin it man
    test
  7. cram oremor

    cram oremor New Member

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    Nice piece bro. Good story line. As I was reading it was easy to get a clear visual of the picture you were painting
    Posted via Mobile Device
    test
  8. T.R.C....

    T.R.C.... New Member

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    thanks guys i appreciate the feedback more so since its positive ha ha
    test
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