9. TeKneeK 74-41 vs. 10. Got Life? 41-25

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Baron Mynd, Feb 21, 2007.

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  1. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

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    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Sunday12:00am PST/3:00am EST (this means Sunday, early early, start of the morning)
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Tuesday: 12:00am EST PACIFIC 3:00am (also meaning early early morning Tuesday for people in the US)
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can’t vote in any matches. .

    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics are HERE!:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1034848
    test
  2. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    Joined:
    May 3, 1999
    Messages:
    27,822
    test
  3. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
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    13,681
    lol...time to hand you L number 42 as I take my 42nd win.
    test
  4. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    Reflections: Echoes of the Past

    The city is blurry because everyone's in a hurry,
    But I never worry, because my feet don't scurry,
    They stay level paced, even though my mind raced,
    Every demon i've faced, yet the only thing traced,
    Is somewhere down the middle, when I was little,
    Not in age, but back when I played second fiddle,
    Stuck in this riddle, not sure where i'm heading,
    And is this chick i'm bedding stayin for a wedding,
    Who even knows anymore, with all the toil of war,
    It spoils the core, but i'm a soldier no more,
    At least I have peace of mind, but in beats I find,
    A message missed in rewind, that I have to grind,
    In order to pay the bills, the dream of loot kills,
    While Nelly sings bout grillz, i'm downing pills,
    Searching for the path, where I can escape half...
    Of this toiling wrath, yet they toil with math,
    Making me a statistic, simply put its sadistic,
    And if you would miss it, you became simplistic,
    By that I mean you lost your right, lost a fight,
    And you're gone despite, your steady plight,
    So your respite is to say you'll change your way,
    I've strayed through days, seen ancients sway,
    And watched as casting shadows made me pray,
    Yet as time passes I can't see infants play,
    It's as if i'm in a daze or an unforgiving maze,
    Of streets covered in haze making my eyes glaze...
    Over in order to make ends, as the story bends,
    I stay following trends seeking a means to an end,
    On the streets with a pen, he's my loneliest friend,
    Because that pad withers and then I have to mend,
    With my dreams withering dead, I dream in a bed,
    Beseeching my head, for some unwarranted lead,
    Knowing that a quick buck can be made in a sec,
    But the gleam in my eyes died as I picked up the tek,
    Streets will be red, as the children have bled,
    Following a path to be fed, never getting ahead,
    One day seeking a road, but I calculated and strode,
    Just to see it erode, and know that this solemn abode,
    Would be the fate faced by my son, and it isn't a pun,
    or even some fun, it's the sad rule of die by the gun,
    And for me this is now, seen in the sweat on my brow,
    Yet my teachers are wondering how, yet i'm like the Dow...
    Jones reaching peaks and falling, but always stalling,
    Giving people a glimmer of hope, but this is my calling,
    There's no glamour in brawlin, yet it's all I see ahead,
    Needing to scrape for bread, so I have to leave em dead,
    Yet the angel on my shoulder sits scratching his head,
    Cause i'm not the child that had once sat there & read,
    Books filled with inspiring acts, I studied the facts,
    And knew I could be a better man if I kept to the pacts,
    That I made with myself, yet i'm a stranger to wealth,
    But it all changed on the twelfth when I ruined my health,
    Because I gave into a vice, not knowing that the device,
    Controlling my life is now a simple roll of the dice,
    Yet that's how the story unfolds, all the tales once told,
    Claiming that I could take hold and put life in a mold,
    It's now all put to rest, as I stroll towards the west,
    Hoping to test, all the things defined in my chest,
    Because the reflection I see in the mirror isn't me,
    And until I change that...I can't live happily.
    test
  5. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    Joined:
    May 3, 1999
    Messages:
    27,822
    Burden of the wicked


    I told her shut the fuck up and leave me alone
    But she bitched about the minutes on the bill of her phone
    Just because she wanted dick whenever feening to bone
    I stayed to sleep whenever needed while I’m faded and stoned
    You see my parents were some fuckups and as an only child
    My type of life while being home was simply ruthless and wild
    I smoked a beadie every chance that I had nothing to do
    And then I watch the HDTV when the fuckin’ was thru
    I was stayin at her place… never makin no moves
    It was easy takin’ money from the shit that I do
    I put the beanie down my face when I be roamin at night
    After knowing that my girl is laid in bed snug tight
    I take a flight into the city where my thugs be at
    We be plottin’ evil scenes where true love would be at
    You see I die for my partnas.. and they all feel the same
    Since the days when we was growin up.. we knew each other’s name
    Some were bastards and some were lil orphans growin up
    Some were made as baby gangstas while their signs they throwin up
    All the set claims, the name gangs, and the spoken street slang
    In which we felt our education really wasn’t no thang
    I had problems every night while I was home in my room
    Mom was overflowed with liquor shootin needles since noon
    Dad was comin home late… intoxicated out his mind
    Cussin out while I was sleepin…and my moms kept cryin
    She failed to cope with abuse since when she was young
    She said my granddad was 40 before his life went by the gun
    And it was problematic daily how the fridge was empty
    And the monetary problems in which no food came to sent me
    Moms didn’t care… and father was always gone
    So I shared my daily stories with my boys around town
    Ever since in elementary, I grew to learn things..
    How to hotwire vehicles.. and to plot evil schemes…
    Run around liquor stores and steal packs of candy
    Sell it all across the schoolyard just to make me handy…
    Makin money my own way… but I needed much more
    So I use to raid for money creepin in door-to-door
    Made a step into the window with no hesitant feelings
    Grabbed whatever known expensive from the floor to the ceiling
    As a teen, guns was something that was needed to live
    Cats was smoking bags of reefer with no reason to give
    The price of sellin in a nickel bag was just enough funds
    For which I made to keep me livin when the daytime was done
    I use to fuck honest bitches and the hoodrats as well
    Cus in burdened times of life I was livin thru hell..
    I needed shit to keep me close to my sex clientele
    So I needed perfect imagery so my style buys it well (46)
    And then this wickedness was lush and I just didn’t care
    But to get my money easy and to fuck dariers
    I had enemies of sorts from schools that were around me
    After class they come to park and stand in wait while they surround me
    I went thru many fistfights---won most of them well
    But how the jeopardy of life was something that I couldn’t tell
    I was too caught in thoughts to get me thrown into prison
    Thru sins that I committed, I had no record of convictions
    But a wish that was fulfilled to see Im still here now..
    With my bitch at her pad.. just lookin down at our child..

    My burden’s wicked….



    fuc u fatass.
    test
  6. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    4,546
    up over no shows
    test
  7. Insinerhate

    Insinerhate ... above blaze ...

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    19
    vote GotLife on creativity, almost too creative

    I didn't feel this battle, at all

    Got, you won this on creativity, alone, extremely simplistic rhyme scheme, rhyme end/friend/mend????? in audio it might sound lovely, but in text it's barbaric and a real pain in the ass to read, but I have to give ya content a thumbs up, you were creative, at times I think some of your message was a bit to subliminal, then again I'm an in your face type cat that likes to keep shit simple and edgy, good stuff for the most part, gotta do something about the flow though

    Tek, nah man, nah, If I'm correct you're the Tekneek who used to post on HG back when it prospered, and back then your verses seemed to be more educated and much more entertaining to read, in my own personal opinion the concept you chose and the way you told the story was wack, your flow did edge tho, it was pretty shaky but it got very fluid at times and kept me reading
    test
  8. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,954
    Alright, here we go again...

    Sort of a repeat of last week except without a third battler. This time however Got Life, after reading it a few times and trying to get myself from being too hard on the rhyming, definitely wrote the more solid piece overall. Got Life's rhyming seems to be semi-decent sometimes, then it fades back out into some real basic and boring rhyming. Whether folks agree or not, original and slightly more complex rhyming makes for much enjoyable reading and listening in this thing we call rap. You show promise in a few lines at a time, but the majority is just the same old. Tekneek definitely had the better flow, but unlike Got Life Tek's rhyming didn't get better or worse, it just stayed the same throughout... conceptually was decent but Got Life just out wrote Tek this week.

    The simple rhyme schemes are only effective if the writing is really really outstanding, just my opinion.

    Vote: Life.
    test
  9. Dr. Alias

    Dr. Alias You know who it is

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2002
    Messages:
    99
    <- TaLi lol

    Well, I'm not going to stray much from the consensus here.

    Vote - Got Life?

    Got Life? & TekneeK, these were pretty difficult to get through. Transitioning from thought to thought is still something that I think you both need to work on. Sometimes, it comes across better than others. This really wasn't one of those times. I have a couple of little suggestions that could potentially help out. First, work on getting your tenses straight man. If you want to write the verse in present tense, do that. If you want it to be in past tense, go there, but unless there is a very good reason to do so, don't switch back and forth very often because it just comes across as sloppy. That is probably the biggest hurdle a lot of writers have. Another thing is coming up with different ways to transition from thought to thought.

    Got Life?, I counted 8 'yets', 5 'becauses', and 9 'buts.' There were even lines that had two yets, buts, or becauses in them lol. Come on man. There are a lot of other ways to transition between thoughts and lines and you reeeeally need to look into some of those because that kills the smoothness of your verse for me.

    Tek, you have a litte bit of that in your writing as well, albeit not quite as much. But you do go nuts on the tenses lol.

    In terms of content, Got Life didn't really say anything that he hasn't said with 40 of his other pieces already but it was personal, which pretty much put his piece over Tek's. Tek's was like every other hard luck story I've ever read with really very little new light shed. Rhymes in both pieces were pretty average. Flows were ok.

    That's about all I have to say.

    GL edged this one out, probably more due to content than anything.
    test
  10. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    13,681
    test
  11. callacedkeys

    callacedkeys thinksome

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2007
    Messages:
    23
    vote life...

    i wasnt really feeling neither of the verses very dissapointing, life ur verse was iight u put me in ur feeling some what after i got past the played schemes. tek im uses to u bringing so much more, i was looking forward to hearing wat u had to say until i read it and i dunno it didnt have nothing underlying the subject so i gottta go against u.
    test
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