7. TheReturn 1-0 VS 8. Fold 1-0

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Pent uP, Sep 5, 2006.

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  1. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

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    [​IMG]


    RSTL RULES AND REGULATIONS

    RULES AND REGULATIONS - THERE'S SOME NEW SHIT SO CLICK AND READ


    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Saturday, 11:59PM PST/2:59AM EST
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Monday, 11:59PM PST/2:59 EST
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • RECYCLING IS NOT STRICTLY PROHIBITED. You may not use any verse that you have previously used within the league at any time. Whether it was a no show, tournament verse recycled for the league or visa versa or any verse that have ever been used within the league perimeters.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can still vote and post the links in your match to receive full voting points. In addition, if you do not show, yet vote on at least 4 matches (Or, every match available, should there be less than 4 matches to vote on) you will remain in the league.
    • Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No second chance votes! If your vote has been edited, even it was only to hide it, your vote will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1006008
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  2. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
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    6,893
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  3. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    6,893
    true stories are the easiest to write...

    When love is not madness, it's not love.
    Pedro Calderon



    She was an angel, brought to me by the grace of our God.
    And whether she embraced it or not,
    She had me hooked after a look at her face and that bod.
    And I don't like to say this alot, but I'm takin' a shot,
    Layin' my pride on this table, baby don't break it apart.
    I ain't sayin' I'm the greatest, cause let's face it, I'm not,
    But I just want a place in your heart.
    Cause you've got one in mine, and I'd say that's a start...

    You see, Brittany had me by a year and a half.
    And everytime I'd see her in class
    We'd smile, maybe even share in a laugh.
    When I'd stare at that ass,
    Weather changed from windy and foul, to airy and glad.
    But when she left, it went right back back to dingy and down.
    She was always in the latests trends, staying briskly in style
    And could sing a Siren's song with simply a smile.
    Without flinching her mouth,
    Her body language never hinted towards "give me awhile"
    And from the signals I was picking up, she wished for it now.

    But down deep in my gut, something felt drastically wrong.
    Cause when we passed in the halls,
    I could see where her secrets sat, stashed in her dome.
    I had to pry them out, she told me how her daddy was gone
    How she grew up her whole life as a bastard at home.
    And as the tears ran their course down that beautiful face
    I stayed true to my faith,
    I told her I was there for her, that I would do what it takes.
    Show her the way to happiness, like she was new to the place,
    But little did I know...
    She'd practiced finding happiness from the cruelest of fates.
    So she knew what it took, she'd been there, knew where to look.
    I tied to be the nice guy, by staying true to the books.
    But to her I was just the newest of crooks
    Trying to steal her heart, and I knew she was shook,
    Probably shoulda slowed down, maybe grant her some space
    But I was in love with this girl ya'll, after a handful of dates.
    Nah, more like the first time I saw her, just standin in place
    I was frantic to taste, she was the epitome of beauty,
    And everything I did for her got banished to waste...

    She told me she met someone, he erased the hurt in her eyes,
    And that for the past few months, she had yearned for a guy.
    The best spurt of my life,
    Damn...how'd I let it turn out to be the worst in disguise?
    She said he did the sweetest things, at the most perfect of times.
    All the things I wanted to do, but never had the courage to try.
    I was cursin' my whole world, as it went from perfect to dry,
    And as I turned to the sky
    I looked up at God, cursin' cause it was my turn to cry.
    In the comin' weeks that passed, she came back to me at last,
    Told me this guy had hit her, man I wanted to beat his ass.
    The thought of him defacing such a masterpiece was sad
    But it didn't seem so bad,
    Compared to what she said next, that I was the only thing she had.
    Her BEST FRIEND in the world, more than she could dream to ask.

    And so that was it, my whole existence came crashing in
    I spent weeks overanalyzing, without ever cashing in
    Not realizing our potential, till a dude took her back with him.
    So I guess that's the end,

    I crossed the friend line...

    Should've asked her to see the light, I wanted her to be my life,
    But I died one too many coward's deaths,
    I guess I just ain't the hero type...



    A coward dies a thousand deaths. A hero dies but once.


    .
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  4. Fold

    Fold *NEW* DIC - just add gay!

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2005
    Messages:
    269
    City Of Sin
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  5. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,893
    [hide]Lol, I was like, wtf I thought we just said no recycling because I knew I had seen this last week but now I see you replaced that one with a no show verse. Good verse man. I know it's risky doing a typical love verse, but it's some real life shit, I needed to do it for myself. Hope it puts up a good effort.[/hide]
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  6. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    [hide] The Return -- oh many that shit was a smooth read, as a matter of fact the smoothest read i've read so far this week. the rhymes were pretty consistent, but a few of them weren't as crisp as the rest of them. The content of the verse was alright, very nice character build up, nothing surprising and nothing I couldnt predict, but then again something I can completely relate to. Very emo ending, but I liked the play on words in the last few lines. The thing striking against you right now is your creativity, however you have the legit multis and clean flow to cover for that so we'll see..

    Fold -- roflmao@darth maul; man this is a hard battle to decide on. You had dope ass character development, and very persistant imagery, but the story felt rushed, like you spent to much time on emphasizing how good a stripper she is, and not enough on them, or maybe how they would be secretive about thier stripperness. Also the bringing in of the dogs seemed pointless at the end. That aside the flow was raw and the multis were persistant. your main idea was cool, not unrealisitic by any means, which worked for you also, because of your opponents story.

    in the end this came down to the wire, you both had crisp flow, you both had dope topic flips, you both had multis everywher, you both had well played storylines, but creativity is where one beats the other and I think Fold edged it there. So keep writing u 2[/hide]
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  7. Adderall XR 30

    Adderall XR 30 New Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2005
    Messages:
    80
    [hide] Good battle! Damn close too. I gotta go with TheReturn and here is the case that I have to make. I liked how both of yall' used your topics. TheReturn's was a little more straightforward; Fold's had a more radical twist, but they both kept me interested. One way that TheReturn's hit me is just the fact that I've been in that situation many times growing up, and it's not fun, and I could relate with the character, whereas I've never really been a big titty club person, although I did meet my girlfriend of nearly 5 years on the internet so go figure. In terms of flow, both of these were pretty good, although I'd give the slight edge to TheReturn. The rhymes were fairly close as well. Fold had a few more inner rhymes, but The Return's rhymes seemed a little more precise to me, overall. This is crazy because I really liked both of these pieces and they are actually more similar than different. I just thought that TheReturn baaaaarely edged out Fold in most of the categories that I look for, but definitely not by much, and I wouldn't be particularly shocked if Fold ended up winning this match. I think this one will probably come down to which one people relate to more, and in this case, TheReturn's hit me just a bit harder than Fold's. Good ass battle though. Damn[/hide]
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  8. Thaumaturge

    Thaumaturge New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2004
    Messages:
    389
    [hide]TheReturn:::This piece was amazing, I was really feeling it. The flow and writer's voice was just incredible. And it was very intriguing the whole way through. Just master writing. Very nice.

    Fold::: Don't really get why you added in "City of Sin" as a topic up top, the story seemingly had nothing to do with that. All you needed was the bottom one. Anyways, the story was really good, nice flow, everything was going smoothly until the ending. I mean alone the ending is decent, just a let down from what seemed to be a big build up. But then the "Nothing is as it seems, can't be tricked by your dreams
    Just follow your heart til your spot is marked to live as you think"

    Topic: Dreams only have one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are
    lonely.


    really got to me in a pretty negative way. Kind of just seemed like you were trying to make a deep and profound statement to end it all that didn't really make much sense if you look at it logically. For one, dreaming had nothing to do with any part of the story, what dreams or wants or wishes did she have throughout the story? None were ever mentioned. Second of all, I guess what you're saying by "Don't be tricked by your dreams, just follow your heart" is don't chase after a mirage or try to gain something hard to achieve, just follow life's little path and wherever it takes you go...In other words let fate do its job and don't try to bend it or make an attempt to pave your own road. Which I have to tell you, I think is ridiculously ignorant and foolish. So that kind of ruined the whole thing for me. GREAT writing, nice flow and everything, but the ending just wasn't good at all and pretty much ruined it.

    Vote= Well seeing as how TheReturn's piece was so good, and I have such a vendetta against the ending of Fold's, even though his was almost evenly good in writing, I have to give this to TheReturn. Nice job, I liked both of yours. Fold, just try to take more time preplanning your story before you write it or at least have a good idea of what the ending will be so you don't just throw in something that doesn't make a lot of sense. Because other than that your verse was great.[/hide]
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  9. Mr. Mynd

    Mr. Mynd The British Guy

    Joined:
    May 11, 2004
    Messages:
    602
    [hide]I think Fold got this one fairly comfortably. He has a flair to his writing that was just unmatched by what TheReturn put up... TR has a heartfelt drop, with a lot of emotion in there, and I think this was the first Ive read from either of them, but Fold impressed me a lot here. I think in the predictions thread Id said TR would take it, but I hadnt really read anything from Fold and I suppose that was my mistake because the kid is a great writer. Overall, by far the most polished of the two, great writing.

    Vote - Fold[/hide]
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  10. Fold

    Fold *NEW* DIC - just add gay!

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    [HIDE]She's a stripper in Vegas, hence the topic City of Sin. Wow, you're an idiot Thaumaturge. It's pretty simple to understand. She dreams of being loved for than being a stripper. Irony is what I used here to end it since you didn't get that either. [/HIDE]

    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1007445
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  11. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,954
    [hide]: TheReturn, another very impressive piece. And something I'm sure alot of dudes can relate to, including me, went through something slightly similar in high school... heh, Rhyming was great, story progressed nicely, and was a nice change after reading alot of the stuff that has been posted in the past 3 weeks. You are another one of those writers that uses rhymes very effectively, either, you just know what words work in certain situations, or you get lucky..haha, i'm guessing the former is true... either way, I enjoyed this piece, brought back memories.

    Fold: Ah, quite impressive piece, much more than I expected to see from you to be honest, it seems you stepped it up on this piece. However, the story, it didn't hit me too hard, the rhyming was good and the flow was decent... as a story, it was pretty good, but reading from beginning to end, I just wasnt, I don't know... hit by it, with any emotional reaction, I guess... However, keep dropping stuff with this caliber of rhyming and flow and you'll be at the top sure enough...

    This time though I have to give it to TheReturn. Good match up though..

    Good luck fellas.[/hide]
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  12. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
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    3-2

    Return 2-0
    Fold 1-1
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