6. Lord Notik (1-0) vs. 5. SacriFICE (6-1)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by TaLi RodrigueZ, Oct 11, 2006.

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  1. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

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    [​IMG]


    RSTL RULES AND REGULATIONS

    RULES AND REGULATIONS - THERE'S SOME NEW SHIT SO CLICK AND READ


    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Saturday, 11:59PM PST/2:59AM EST
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Monday, 11:59PM PST/2:59 EST
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • RECYCLING IS NOT STRICTLY PROHIBITED. You may not use any verse that you have previously used within the league at any time. Whether it was a no show, tournament verse recycled for the league or visa versa or any verse that have ever been used within the league perimeters.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can still vote and post the links in your match to receive full voting points. In addition, if you do not show, yet vote on at least 4 matches (Or, every match available, should there be less than 4 matches to vote on) you will remain in the league.
    • Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No second chance votes! If your vote has been edited, even it was only to hide it, your vote will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1013912
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  2. Lord Notik

    Lord Notik The Mind is a Scary Place

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2004
    Messages:
    61
    this will be match of the week.
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  3. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,955
    A Vicious Circle: A True Description of my Life's Reoccuring Nightmare

    "Take me away for a second, I'm really listening."
    Through the broken hourglass a coward's grasp
    is gripping me, so feel me whispering.
    Breath like steel, conditioning the mysteries,
    each corner concealed within a dream.
    Follow me now, watch as the sound drops to the ground.
    A pin drop, a wrist watch, a hospital gown.
    Follow the ambience, surrounded by constant shocks
    to the center, the cage opens, enter the maze-hopin'
    the days slow and the prayers are leaving the daze broken.
    There isn't enough time it seems, so stay frozen,
    as the Doctor's in their Grey's soak in what fate motioned.
    Faith's focus released...
    ...Awake, lonely in peace, the waves only increased.
    Reflection like a mistake, connection erased as I'm caressing my face,
    only my cheeks seemed to have misdirected their place, a lesson I take
    with me as the cycle is spinning, blackness again.
    Peace for a second then a rifle is spitting,
    a vicious circle of minions who trifled with sinning,
    chase me through the tunnel with a light that is missing.
    An exit locked at the end of the corridor,
    looking around I swore-the-floor cushioned the ground.
    Fists rapping the steel barrier, was real scary first
    then the floor opened, I was put in some clouds
    -floating, anywhere looking but down... hoping
    I had the power and will to stay strong,
    then the clouds were filled with napalm
    surrounding the fields of Eve's garden
    every flower was killed by A-bomb, then once again
    I discovered increased darkness.
    The peace started, feeling the peace harden,
    then shatter the green harvest of my dream,
    part of it seemed way too large for the screen.
    Extreme haze left my feet stained with deep pain.
    So I sneaked away, looking for my lost soul..
    A crossroads with the same destination through each way.
    I chose west, took both steps then
    The threshold lept and my whole flesh glowed sweat.
    A cold, strep throat meshed with a soaked chest,
    barely breathing I tried to hold breath but I choked when,
    Five-legged creatures with naked features spoke
    and I was told yes, I would control death.
    The folks left and I was walking again,
    this time peace offered to lend an escape.
    So I was brought to the end of the maze...
    My reflection returned, no tears this time
    Hardly any fear this time, just a reflection concerned
    With the melodic ambience, a ripple effect
    Dipping my wounded feet in the water, a simple effect
    Every time I'd choose sleep I was sent
    Through every new dream that I kept...
    Each an event where I followed a strange whisper
    And wound up in this basically bottomless lake fixture,
    that every single time displayed the same picture.
    The same scripture with the same prophecy,
    A vicious circle and it's internal and strange honesty.
    Straight promises, the end? Forever dreaming.
    A flame swept the breeze and exchanged energy
    That teleported my brain's memories to the 8th century...
    Assisting the Mayans to slay enemies, fight to the same death of me.
    A blade shredding me.
    Every day ending with the beginning of the same endless dream.​
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  4. Lord Notik

    Lord Notik The Mind is a Scary Place

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2004
    Messages:
    61
    THE FALSE HOPE VARIETY SHOW

    Welcome...

    Contestant number one – known to beseech evil…
    Cheated equals, through means of people feinting for sequels
    His reason was heeded by legions feeble’n see through…
    Believing… some bled through the seasons with needs of he
    Undaunted by the leeches, groveling beneath there knees
    They bargained for peace of mind to ease there sleep…
    But behind there speech was a vile mist of lies and deceit.
    See, our people missed there time to compete…
    Waiting for this “man” to arise and provide a light to there dreams -
    Amidst the destruction, I’d bet he’d admit he fucked up the plan
    Cuz his mission was us…but I don’t see how 1 being can overlook a whole land
    But wasn’t that his legacy, his solemn duty etched in legend?
    …prayers elevated in the wind but yet he let them fester
    Begging for answers of why there thoughts go un-noticed
    I see the people getting distant from a god they never loathed in

    Ok people are you paying attention…
    Let’s take a look at our second gamer in contention….


    Contestant number two – he’s an archaic ruler at best
    With a not so shadowed past and aches for rumors to rest
    He waits for news of threats then irate he moves to jest
    The thought of destruction through corruption’n looming threats
    Defunct were moods of vets, angry over wars of the past
    No longer alive or in existence there views were hoarded in trash…
    It was time for a new breed and yes, he promised salvation
    Then they took our tallest trophies allowing him to defile a nation
    Surrounded by rubble he beckoned to grant revenge through out the land
    But after all the fighting his nemesis is still able to stand…
    So what’s his worth?
    Thousands of troops in support of the dream met a vicious slaughter
    Decisions foddered like cannon shells intermittent visions bothered
    The man himself so he lit the candle that burnt his honor
    Without his father, the people demanding his descent
    Were swept away in the wind only to be left alone again…
    And what did he do? Ahhh I bet you think he lent a hand
    But it was the complete opposite…but will let the people tell it

    Dan??

    Ok…here we goooo
    Up next we have the whole nation, us….the people
    Tell me, how do you feel about the show?


    We wake to work and sleep to die

    Contestant number 3 – a beaten horse of sorts
    Rode in to the ground with no remorse or course
    Our voices but a sound in essence, our thoughts were lost
    For reasons beaten down deep into a rotten corpse
    Dead to the world our feelings are long forgot
    Praying to a lord who some view as nonchalant
    We try to make living for what is worth… to be happy
    But at best our questions will be heard once we’re in a hearse…
    Some gladly vote for this heathen…no not the anti-christ
    Not even the devil but a child’s imagination scare device
    But this boogie monster, isn’t in the closet
    Or under the bed he’s an influence on congress
    WE TRY TO BE FORGIVING…like are supposed lord planned it
    Turned the other cheek only to be hindered by your commandments
    but our past is often crass, crude'n unrefined
    abused were students of the mind with illusions spewed from behind
    these so called "rulers" abused us using news'n construed' lies
    to fools who've walked through life..without the guidance of father time -
    shackled to pictures with tears on there cheek
    through fear'n deceit
    baffled were children once standing in streets
    amass'n decisions to stare at the seeds
    who captured attention of parents an dreams
    COMPARE AND COMPETE
    for care and a seat in hearings of thee
    to be truthful...the things of which we aren't used too are useful...
    and used to confuse the mass pupils..of you who, cherish the moment -
    thinking of family'n homes of..parents and gold BUT..
    the gold in actuality are love seats'n sofas fought over by young teens'n loners -
    in homeless shelters comforting no-one
    and SO ON and SO ON - SOOOOOOOOOOO LONG
    i'm so gone.


    WEEEEEEEELLL DAN

    I guess that goes to show ya, in the game of false hope...the only person to trust in is yourself....
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  5. Lord Notik

    Lord Notik The Mind is a Scary Place

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2004
    Messages:
    61
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  6. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
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  7. SD-11

    SD-11 The Iron Curtain

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2006
    Messages:
    95
    [hide]
    aight, this was a good battle..

    flow:sacrafice, your flow was great, yall both had some good flows but sac's just stood out more, it flowed naturally...

    multis:lord, u had some good maulties, shit was pretty lyrical...good stuff..

    topic: i liked how SAC approached his topic, it was onpoint....nice use of words and SICK ending...really good verse..

    overall ima go wit SACRIFICE on this 1, his verse juss stuck out more to me, I liked lords lyrical ability but it just didnt do it for me in this match...good battle though,,,,

    vote - SACRAFICE.

    ez...
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  8. SD-11

    SD-11 The Iron Curtain

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2006
    Messages:
    95
    double post lol
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  9. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    Joined:
    May 3, 1999
    Messages:
    27,824
    [hide]
    One thing I noticed foremost from reading the two --- SAC has the smoother narration and his usage of words makes everything come together. A unique way to utilize the FALSE HOPE topic... and while it was something different... I felt the overall turnout is what mattered the most to me and SAC pretty much took this with his ability to know how to fill his sentences from the words he uses to rhyme word for word on each line for line. vote- SAC[/hide]
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  10. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,955
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  11. HellRzah

    HellRzah PurE EviL

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2001
    Messages:
    8,824
    [hide]sacrifice: Damn I really liked ya piece..it kept me reading with interest from top to bottom..one of your best I've read...the flow was off the chain..mysterious vocab and vivid imagery...this is what every rstl verse should be like...nice work!
    points:
    87/100

    Notik: you incorporated ya topic well throughout ya verse..I loved the variety show thingy..it was well written with some nice multi's (especially in the beginning part->contestant number one)..the ending was pretty dope too...keep writing
    points: 80/100

    very good and close battle y'all, but
    vote= Sacrifice[/hide]
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  12. Mr. Mynd

    Mr. Mynd The British Guy

    Joined:
    May 11, 2004
    Messages:
    602
    [hide]This was match of the week IMO ...

    Sacrifice - Sick as fuck flow man, this reads like butter, you look to me to be back in the form that took you to the title. This was awesome writing, especially towards the middle of the verse, where I felt this progressed fairly quickly and I loved that pace you built up. Feeling stuff like this:

    I discovered increased darkness.
    The peace started, feeling the peace harden,
    then shatter the green harvest of my dream,
    part of it seemed way too large for the screen.

    Sick scheme used around that section man, I loved it!

    Lord Notik - Damn, I loved your take on this one too. Somthing fresh with the contestants, really well written, yours I felt drew me more directly into the storyline a little more than Sacrifices did, but overall I camne off feeling his was the better of the two. I just felt it had that edge to it, with the originality, he brought enough to take this one this week. Sick battle though fellas, probably one of this weeks best. Madd props.

    Vote - Sacrifice[/hide]
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  13. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2000
    Messages:
    16,814
    [hide]SACrifice... your first starting off pretty good... i was feeling the multis and everything... around the middle my interest got lost however... it wasnt the writing, it was the continuance, like it just made me feel like i was forcing myself to read this cuz my interest wasnt into it... the ending was cool as i pulled myself back into it... let me check out notik...

    Notik- i was planning of writing a verse about false hope myself... i really like this... but it was kinda long... lol... your topic held my attention better however...

    My Vote Notik...

    Notik kept my attention better, probably because he picked a topic that i enjoy alot better, and like i said cacrifices verse made me bored like halfway through it... i get tired of constant metaphors about the same thing...

    [/hide]
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  14. MrMister

    MrMister Urizen

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2003
    Messages:
    6,238
    [hide]vote - Lord Notik

    Sac - this was a nice piece
    the wordplay and flow stood out like a motherfucker
    which in a way took away from the story cus it wasnt
    really matching up with the flow and scheme but I did like the
    concept tho

    L notik - nice flow and I liked the rhyme scheme as well
    eventho Sac's scheme was sicker but I just loved your
    approach on this one
    I appreciated what you were trying to do and enjoyed a
    little beter than sac his piece

    this was a real dope battle enjoyed it
    Notik in my opinion took this by a hair but there you go[/hide]
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  15. Fold

    Fold *NEW* DIC - just add gay!

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2005
    Messages:
    269
    [HIDE]
    Sacrifice, the way this developed was nice and the flow showed some skills too. The story of the dream was a kind of cliche thought as it started, but you gave some nice details to paint it out. The character in the dream was built good and easy to follow through the journey. There was a suspense factor that was cool too as it continued to pull me into the content. Some kinda demonic stuff that happened and the scene made it like a verbal movie.

    Lord Notik, I liked the way you did your characters. Gave me something t think about on how I wrote my piece this week. The flow was on nice and some of the vocab you used made me go back to peep it again. All the characters had some similar traits, which made me think that the ending was gonna be climactic ann instead you braught a nice ending message that I thought was cool. A lot of good lines too to keep me into it.

    This was the hardest battle I've had to decide on since I've been in this league. Both were nicely written and had great flow with good moving content.

    Ok, I kind of hope this ends in a tie just to see a rematch, but I'm going with Lord notik. The way his developed impressed me and keeps me thinking of his highlights a little more.

    [/HIDE]
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  16. Shrug

    Shrug Street Poet

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2005
    Messages:
    158
    [hide]
    Sacrifice- Love your writing man. I really respect the poetic lyricism that you bring to the league its great to see. this verse was obviously very personal which allowed you and the reader to dive deeper into the story. the over all flow of the piece was variant. I couldnt find a consistent rhythme to read your piece out loud to from beginning to end, which was mostly to do with your rhyme scheme. there was no constant order, no apparent general rhyme scheme, you just let your words set up each rhyme which set the pace. you would hold on to multis for multiple bars, you used many internals which caused the readability of the verse to feel clustered at times, however i enjoyed them nonetheless. most of the piece was neither here nor there, at times your rhyme was sooo ill and so natural to roll off the tongue, at other times i felt i had to stress unnecessary sounds within words to make them fit into the scheme you had going. as far as concept , creativity and how you portrayed your topic, all executed with precision. its not as though you lacked inspiration when you own memories and dreams such as that. overall the story was very enjoyable to read and held my attention through to conclusion. great drop man, props.

    Lord Notik- i tried, believe me i tried really hard to get into your piece, to understand all of what you were trying to get across but the progression of this piece was so jumbled and labyrinthine. your rhyme was exceptional, but there wasnt a consistant order to it, you would hold multis wonderfully, except the occasional miscount of syllables, but then drop them on a whim! that was so frustrating as a reader because the end of a wonderfully written sequence of multi's would be so anticlimactic. You would either drop it for another rhyme or for no rhyme at all. for instance
    "And what did he do? Ahhh I bet you think he lent a hand
    But it was the complete opposite…but will let the people tell it"
    the readability of your verse was crippled from that lack of scheme or order in rhyme because that subsequently dropped the cadence of the piece with it. it would be totally understandable if you did change the writers voice and drop the rhyme scheme at parts and go merely upon the rhythm of nonrhyming words, however that would need some sort of reason for the distinctive change in rhyme and rhythm. perhaps a characters aside, or a narrator's soliloquy, etc. which it didnt have. you did a great job of displaying your extensive use of vocabulary in the piece, that was great to see. this piece seemed rushed and more unorganized than your opponents verse this week.

    sorry to dwell on the constructive feedback more than the positive for both of you but i havent much time and wanted to leave you with something to build on, rather than just skim over what was great about the piece.

    Vote- SacriFICE for reasons stated above as well as a more prepared and organized verse for this week.

    good battle you two, breathe easy. [/hide]
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  17. .Lola Cruez. II

    .Lola Cruez. II Speaking from my soul.

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2005
    Messages:
    200
    [hide]
    This was battle was good both sides had a good flow, and good lyrical ability so its kinda hard to vote at this point. Hmmm Lord Notik you had a verse, very Much creative and had met thinking and I like verses like that, also when I read books ya know. THe ending was good, the first two paragraphs were good. Although the Imagination of that category goes to SacriFice, he brought out it RAW, with his flow and descriptive words and that was appealing to me. Emotions, Lord Notik you had that, very well expressed in the 3rd narrator, which I've never guessed cause if you used the 1st person narrator that would've brought out the emotion in your verse completely, but overall nice. SacriFice, I loved it, your emotion in your verse was good and the ending put the ice on the cake, so with that said, my vote goes to SacriFice, his verse was more appealing, a good approach, nice concept and a decent ending.
    [/hide]
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  18. blackwell

    blackwell New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    199
    [hide]Sacrifice: I felt your piece had a really decent flow to it and you had some real tight multies within your piece that made it easy to read. I like how you appraoched your topic with the whole idea of a reoccuring nightmare was really feeling it. My favourite lines of the verse were the first 2 bars as it had an edge to it and the flow of it prompted me to carry on reading. To be honest im not on the same level as you when it comes to vocab so I fouund a few words difficult to understand but I caught the jist of the story and thought that overall it was a real decent piece. Keep it up man good work.peace

    Lord Notik. Your flow and structure was really decent but I feel you could have approached the topic differently. I got a little confused with the with whole aspect of it half way through, i dont know maybe its just me. You guys are obviously a lot elevated than I am so im still trying to get to grips with the whole topical thing. The piece overally just didnt stand out to me as much as sacrifices did however it was constructed really well and I can see by reading your piece that you are an experianced writer. I think overall im gona give it to sacrifice because I felt his flow was off the hook and the way he constructed it was dope. I could definetley learn a few things of you cats.

    Overall vote= sacrifce[/hide]
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  19. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,962
    Winner Sacrfice
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  20. God Father

    God Father The Mayor!

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2000
    Messages:
    1,599
    just checking :D
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