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Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by L-M-INT, Jun 17, 2003.

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  1. L-M-INT

    L-M-INT New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2003
    Messages:
    204
    So much pain I travel thru every single day
    I can fell it enter my body then parts decay
    Im livin in rage but never trapped in a cage
    I walks in paths and feel when these roles are played on me
    I stare in theses mirrors and look in these eyes
    To try to understand why I despise these kids at time
    The life im livin is more like a tree
    Im more like a leaf ,I drop when people give up on me
    I feel this rain,and I feel this pain,
    and I feel the wind as it stays blowin on me
    im walkin on quicksand, as my feet start to sink
    I have my pride so theres nothing u can take from me
    You can take my soul and go ahead stab my heart
    But as long as I have this pride ill never fall apart
    The cycle keep spinin in shapes as I stand still
    This colors turns to shades as I remain real
    Evey1 fades away as these ages age
    But my music is what keeps me a man in these days
    Today I will be stronger than I was before
    cause I conquered the storm and didn’t leap to the floor
    test
  2. utsukushikumegami

    utsukushikumegami That's Ms. Goddess to you

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2002
    Messages:
    2,715
    I was feeling that one...especialy when you said:

    "The life im livin is more like a tree
    Im more like a leaf ,I drop when people give up on me"

    That was a great comparison...you should post more often...this one was great
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    "The life im livin is more like a tree
    Im more like a leaf ,I drop when people give up on me"

    those lines were heartfelt, damn i be feelin the same way all the time. Great work

    one luv
    test
  4. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    good job..had a nice lil rhythm to the reading part..the whole thing was very heartfelt and filled with emotion..i enjoyed reading this..hope to see more from yah.
    test
  5. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    nice lil drop u got here...smooth flow, and consestant all the way threw...keep it u p
    test
  6. Infonation

    Infonation Info for the Nation

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    1,016
    Was feelin the same line as the others. Some deep shit indeed.

    P.S.- I also read your rhyme, in the Cypher forum on how you choosed your username. The Element from hip-hop were missing. Like your style blood. Let's save hip-hop together.

    ^One
    test
  7. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
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    Rhythem was your best aspect here, everything else was decent, a little bit shaky, but it was alright in the long run. I was feelin' the title, the dots explained it to be a little 'speechless' of what title yourself wanted to choose or just the dots was describing what you felt, pain.. 'How can I describe pain?' type shit.. Decent piece. My blessings..
    test
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