50 Greatest Battlers of All-Time: Hollow Da Don

Discussion in 'The 50 Greatest Battle Rappers of All-Time' started by gregrieke20, Jan 6, 2011.

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  1. Stock

    Stock New Member

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    "So when I come home on that one way,
    and that hand go for the pants like al bundy,
    you could be married with children,
    that house gon' see wild gunplay"


    I think thats a little better.
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  2. ILLEATYAFACE

    ILLEATYAFACE New Member

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    "i did it?" = wrong
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  3. drewthetruth

    drewthetruth ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

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    this is trash
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  4. Stock

    Stock New Member

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    im.... just... trying to help :cry:
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  5. gregrieke20

    gregrieke20 Well-Known Member

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    I actually really like this one, and thought about using it (and still am).

    I suppose with all the quotes I was trying to think of really memorable ones (Serius' "you can't even go platinum over there!", Juice's "Why you call yourself M&M like there's two of you?", etc).

    One problem about this one though is that you can't see how Hollow said "Bun-day" in written form.
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  6. gregrieke20

    gregrieke20 Well-Known Member

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    I don't understand, you want me to use the "I did it" quote or not?
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  7. gregrieke20

    gregrieke20 Well-Known Member

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    What do you mean specifically? When I get the bios, they usually come in a little long, so I have to cut them down to fit the layout. Its usually just a sentence or two, but this one in particular came in a decent amount longer, so I had to cut more out. What do you think should be switched up?
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  8. MyBallsYourChin

    MyBallsYourChin Active Member

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    Just thought I'd correct that he didn't make his debut at fight klub, he made his debut at the WRC '07. It wasn't a very good debut(on the contrary actually, most would like to forget it happened) but it was where he originally showed up.
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  9. teacozy

    teacozy New Member

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    its extremely well-written, I just thought that "ridiculous joke concept" actually sounds sort of derisive when it means to be aggrandizing and that the tone of his recent accomplishments could be a little more distant ("...complete and devastating performance"). Really minute editorial things in terms of the voice, really.

    The intro paragraph is amazing, though.
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  10. gregrieke20

    gregrieke20 Well-Known Member

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    I don't know if the order its written is confusing or anything. But I think Joe meant his debut at FK was in '08. His original battling debut was Freestyle Fridays in '06. While I agree his WRC performance wasn't that great, they did finish 2nd in the division and he was a Most Valuable Rapper nomination for the division
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  11. gregrieke20

    gregrieke20 Well-Known Member

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    Cool. I don't know what like 6 of the words you said mean, lol, but hopefully RegularJoe will come in the thread at some point and address these things
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  12. Slick Ick

    Slick Ick New Member

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    Hollow's actually a tough dude to pick one for because you kinda gotta hit that right level of high profile line/accessible line. The one you went with does the trick nicely although on some constructive criticism shit i feel like I'm kinda being beat over the head with some pretty basic wordplay inasmuch as since you include that he says it to (a dude named) Okwerdz, and the line itself includes the phrase, 'if you go back to his name it refers', explaining the wordplay as well just seems a lil much.

    Dope article btw, my favorite since Serius Jones's. Lots of people have said this, and i've even said it before, but this is a legitimately good, marketable idea that could make a tidy number of sales in your niche audience.

    My Hollow scheme suggestion would be either his 'jeff gordon's car, michael jordan's ball, ken norton's jaw' against arsonal, or my personal favorite hollow sequence of all time:

    ya dog is a street soldier
    so dodge from these heat blowers
    revolvers with speed loaders
    lodged into each shoulder
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  13. IronsWrittens

    IronsWrittens Well-Known Member

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    "son got biggie's eyes.... wendy's and biggie fries!!" line that he hit big t with, shit was cold
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  14. RegularJoe

    RegularJoe Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I agree.

    Haha nah I'm fucking around, I do see you point in the use of the phrasing "ridiculous joke concepts" coming off as derisive. It's difficult for me to look at these with a critical or editorial eye though - any suggestions for how you may reword that sentence to make it more complimentary?

    I would argue, however, that Hollow's performance against Big T was sort of the apotheosis (if you will) of his nature as a battler. I wanted to highlight that performance as almost a perfect storm of his years of experience with different styles, formats, slangs and structures all coming together in the decapitation of a solid opponent. While perhaps that places slightly too strong of a focus on such a recent battle as opposed to his long history of battling prominence, I felt it was suitable considering it was the battle that launched him into the number one spot on so many battle fans lists. So while I think your point is certainly valid, I also think there's justifiable reasoning for the way I framed it.

    And of course, as always, thanks to everyone for your feedback and suggestions, and I hope people continue to enjoy checking these out. It's rewarding as a writer to see people responding and engaging with this work.
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  15. RegularJoe

    RegularJoe Well-Known Member

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    Yeah ... I struggle with word limits. Especially when talking about a dude who I enjoy as a battler as much as Hollow.

    For your part though Greg I think you've done a great job in paring down my sometimes rambling content without losing the feel or essence of what I'm trying to do with these - I've never walked away feeling something was unnecessarily left on the cutting room floor.
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  16. ILLEATYAFACE

    ILLEATYAFACE New Member

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    questionmark should be outside the quotation marks bruv
    Posted via Mobile Device
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  17. RegularJoe

    RegularJoe Well-Known Member

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    This is true. My bad.
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  18. pill grim

    pill grim CHRONNIE SPARKO

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    this. dope shit though, i def wanna cop this book when it's released
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  19. iSick303

    iSick303 knew pac, pop

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    another sick page from the book
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  20. TurboMikey

    TurboMikey Active Member

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    Every part that you have posted from the book so far has been ridiculously good, this shit NEEDS to come out. For Hollow's quote, my suggestion would be the "Heres what he'll need" scheme from the Pass battle. It has a crazy scheme behind it and i think its general enough for casual fans to appreciate. Keep the different parts of the book coming man, its interesting as hell.
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