5. Pent Up 34-13 vs 6. SacriFice 1-0

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Pent uP, Aug 28, 2006.

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  1. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
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    [​IMG]


    RSTL RULES AND REGULATIONS

    RULES AND REGULATIONS - THERE'S SOME NEW SHIT SO CLICK AND READ


    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Friday 12:00am PST/3:00am EST
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Sunday: 12:00am PACIFIC/3:00 Midnight EST
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can still vote and post the links in your match to receive full voting points. In addition, if you do not show, yet vote on at least 4 matches (Or, every match available, should there be less than 4 matches to vote on) you will remain in the league.
    • Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No second chance votes! If your vote has been edited, even it was only to hide it, your vote will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1006008
    test
  2. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,954
    Checking in. I'm using all 64 lines.

    [Votes]:
    [1]http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1006010 [contender]
    [2]http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?p=13988763
    [3]http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1006016
    [4]http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1006017
    [5]http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?p=13990932
    [6]

    Good luck.


    *edit: Dope verse Pent, should be interesting. Good luck..

    I'm going to do the audio version of my shit today or tomorrow so the link will be here.
    test
  3. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,954
    Alright, I'm finished... already.

    "Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good."
    Ralph Waldo Emerson


    I remember the day I awoke when I got the call
    From my folks, they joked before they dropped me off
    The bus left, behind they watched their son's death
    ...begin, it's a shame all the pain that one nets to win...
    The sun set and wind was upset and grim
    Raining like a painting upon the success within
    I suggested if... I returned I'd be a changed person
    Changed yes, but I returned a chained serpent...

    The innate murderous rage was determined to blaze
    The fates of the persons I faced were certain to break
    Trained to deal pain by way of the flying death
    Swinging blades, a pendulum with lion's strength
    Lead concocted metal, if not the devil then beside him rests
    A Godly demon inside me screaming' of my trite intents
    Running, leaning inside the tents of the enemies as darkness
    Enveloped the surrounding regions, energy I sparked
    Beneath those keeping watch, the war continued
    Like equinox, changing like the seasons within you
    The speed of flocks of demonic brutes with bleeding socks
    And feet of rocks and shots of juice to keep at top
    -notch viciousness, the wickedness never seemed to stop
    Ubiquitous, our fleets supplying life's antithesis
    by might's epitome.
    Ignite the city-scene as well as all of it's citizens.

    The war paused, the gore caused remained dominant
    A core loss of the main populace, insane ominous
    Rain as the new government reigned
    Bubbling 'cane, to make myself numb in the brain
    It wasn't easy, something eats me, struggling days
    And flashbacks, discovering shame
    Exacted wrath upon the former structure in place
    As bad as blasts in Japan causing destruction and change
    But something has changed, my perspective
    Waking up from nightmares, its quite clear, my eyes infested
    By visions of my connection, with deaths of wives and peasants
    No control, in my soul, even when the signs were present
    That I was destined to be cleansed...
    I was the pawn of the devil, if all could be level, I'd repent...

    The bus returned, I paid the fair
    -placed my bag under the seat
    And strained to care, living cold blooded... dissolved
    Despite what my soul wanted, I took control of it
    and played a key role in that disgusting resolve
    I didn't know I'd become a wolf when my muzzle was off
    We were a pack of rabid dogs, the puzzle they had it solved
    Our minds, they had 'em washed
    Were trained to kill. And paid to spill blood with amazing will
    Blades and stainless steel
    Blood staining, like ink when touching the page with quill
    We wrote history, despite any consequence
    I'm home listening, to the breeze as my mind gets rest

    My mother always tells me she's glad I'm alive
    But I could not explain why because of all the madness, I died
    Savageness, blind, killed all because I had to survive
    Mentally, passive, steadily captive by the past
    and instead of reactions to love I passively ask
    ...to be alone, I know we were predisposed
    For victory, and even though I had my medals
    I asked the devil to visit me, begging him to end this misery
    The sweetness of victory, brought out the evil within me
    And greed and power, turned anything good into cheap and sour
    Like the wilting of the sweetest flower, my dreams devoured.

    Is fighting for "good", really "good" with so much evil
    And isn't the sweetness sour when the power is so lethal? [64]

    ----

    good luck man... I had fun writing this.
    *edited to place the topic at the beginning*
    test
  4. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    test
  5. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    Unresolved Anger

    Kids these days...
    Laughing from their solar plexes....
    Minds altered into a game of fold up tetris
    Living close to exits, looking for the only entrance
    from nose to the brain via rolled up checklist.
    Thinkin theyre fine in a convuluted strange affair;
    Impressions made by blinks and the way they stare,
    multicolored lips and how they change their hair,
    instead for a brain that's to stupid to chain with care
    that ball and ankle setup. they rather fuel that monster;
    that ghost inside that machine that doubles as that fools imposter.
    They live for drugs and FREEDOM forgetting food'll cost ya...
    killing that ghost who was you before the tools that gotcha
    you know,
    The glass pipe that opened up a gate of extacy,
    sent you on a trail of trails of fate and blasphomy.
    That helped you escape reality
    which breaks your actual speed leaving you straight with staggered knees,
    but stand for what you believe in over ancient spirit ground,
    wear your heart on a sleeve and live with your inside out.
    If ever a time for resolution, then that year is now
    because acid, meth, and dust will leave you weird and loud
    then turn you into a shell for the conditions I mentioned
    Blocking out, or over enhancing living life festive
    Making you machine, with specific mission objectives:
    find the crowd of kids you know will pitch in for seconds,
    then go to the dealers house,
    do your stash,
    and skimp the collective.
    But this is all an excuse,
    and you're striking with your binge as your weapon....(26)

    Ahhh....
    Kids these days...
    Ignoring their needs for a heart to heart,
    when after hours of after hour garbage talk
    a real exploitation of self is hard to start
    so to numb the pain youll be offered pot.
    But please refrain.
    Please remember that host inside,
    that never shows his pride and might implode tonight
    if you dont describe how you feel towards his life
    Please remember,
    even the chosen die
    and you aint that special so why pretend to be?
    why don't you live like everyone else and recognize the enemy?
    You're gonna have to stop partying sometime, essentially.
    so why dont you start working and drag it out until it ends fully?
    (38)
    Ahh...
    Adults these days....
    looking back in time and making promises;
    Thinking they know better than common sense,
    avoiding past mistakes deciding what progress is.
    Telling us to stay indoors, getting drunk...
    and callin quits
    claiming we're to young to make official accomplishments...
    Pompous pricks who block goals we've sought as kids
    whether through tales of H-E-Double hockey sticks
    or foggy stints based on vague loopholes adults permit
    (46)
    I often wish to go off with it; but realized I'm just tracings paths;
    generic trails crossed with time to make dating graphs;
    following the timeline and erasing crap,
    editing procedure and then debating laughs....
    but life is a makeshift path, make it last
    Stay Bright with excitement even if you take a crash
    Because with one life to live if you feel slightly gipped
    who cares about the machinery that you might equip
    With so few miles on this odometer
    Plan where to go, not what you're longing for
    who cares if you started wars, or fought uproars
    as long as you've stayed true and gotten yours
    give credit for what the host may compell
    inside the machine where his composure will dwell
    Until your iced on a bed stay toasty as hell
    and remember we're just that ghost in the shell
    Loathing ourselves or trying to break free
    but in the end we can only confide in our babies
    (64)

    They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
    Andy Warhol
    test
  6. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,893
    [hide]Well, I guess I'll get the voting started. This was a real nice matchup, two very good reads.

    Sacrifice:
    Flow was sick, definitely on point throughout the whole thing. Concept was nice, stayed on topic, liked the inners and the multis throughout the piece. Very enjoyable read, and the ending is really the heart of the piece in my opinion, something the whole nation is probably asking themselves in a time like this.

    Pent Up:
    Flow was also on point, came with a little bit different style using some shortened lines, a style I really like if it's pulled off correctly. Liked the idea of speaking out to the youth and even to the adults at one point. I think you did a nice job weaving both topics together into one piece, and the highlight of the verse for me came with the part scolding the adults, so true.

    Overall, like I said this was a real nice matchup, definitely makes me look forward to getting up higher in the ranks (hope my opponent fucking shows this week) and get into the higher profile matchups. Both of ya'll came real tight, and it's hard to pick out many mistakes in either piece so it comes down to a matter of personal opinion. I liked the message Pent Up got across, but I think Sacrifice did a better job with vocabulary and making his piece a more interesting read, so I have to give my vote to Sacrifice. Ya'll both came on point as fuck though, much props.

    Vote - SacriFICE[/hide]
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  7. MrMister

    MrMister Urizen

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2003
    Messages:
    6,238
    [HIDE]vote - sacrifice

    sac - your vocab was sick your flow was ok
    all in all your writing skills are nice
    but the concept you took was dope and I would have
    liked to see you have done something more original with it
    then the soldier went to war for a good reason but doing evil
    it was nicely depicted and it developed nicely
    but that concept just didnt really do much for me

    Pent - I liked your vocab too and I liked how you did the wordplay
    but again you came with another leave you think piece
    I kinda figured this is your niche but still you can do sum else

    I have to give sac this one due to him telling me a ok story
    and pent just teling me a story [/HIDE]
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  8. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2000
    Messages:
    16,814
    remember kids to vote in the tag tourney...

    ill be back to vote on this in a few...
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  9. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    Insane villian is BANNED from voting on this match

    You can't post before you vote dunny
    test
  10. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2000
    Messages:
    16,814
    This is one battle i wont vote on only cuz pent up will see it as a beef vote...

    and nigga im still voting...

    on all the battles except for yours...

    and i dont want u voting in mine...

    go check emcee hookups and check the message i left for your wanna be holier than thou ass...
    test
  11. David Lama

    David Lama oh yea?

    Joined:
    May 19, 2005
    Messages:
    2,162
    [hide]SacriFICE - seems like this was about a solider struggling with his conciousness and it eating him up inside, in his thoughts and dreams and at all times, he arrives home with medals for winning a war or whatever and everyones like oh my I'm glad your alive and back and bla bla bla and well.. he just wants to be alone and wants to stop feeling how he feels and hes going insane, cool shit, the multis were nice, flow was hot, rhyme scheme was nice and you did what you wanted to do. very nice approach to the topic you chose.

    Pent Up - starts off by talking about kids and how wreckless they are and dont care for things. then it goes to giving them advice on what they should do. and then it goes to what seems to be what kids think about adults and ends in what both or what the narrator things in general has to happen, which is change the next generation, which is the babias, basically make a difference, stop talking about the past and whats wrong and how things are, and worry about making a change yourself by raising your children differently, which was kind of preachy and shit, but i still liked it. flow was solid and all that, overall a nice verse. good shit dude.

    overall - both did a nice job here, sacrifice had some nice imagery and shit and did his thing with the whole soldier with a conscience thing, his multis were nice as well as his scheme and I think I felt those areas more in his than pent's but to me pent's piece was more interesting and it just accomplished more than sacrfice's piece did.. both nice reads, but I have to go with pent for just getting me more into his piece.

    vote - Pent Up[/hide]
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  12. Atheist

    Atheist Storyteller

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2002
    Messages:
    1,707
    [hide]Sacrifice: This was a fantastically written verse. The content itself was nothing spectacular, but the way you wrote this was unbelievable. The flow was brilliant, the rhyme scheme was bonkers, and how everything rolled of the tongue effortlessly was delightful. This section below was unreal;

    The innate murderous rage was determined to blaze
    The fates of the persons I faced were certain to break
    Trained to deal pain by way of the flying death
    Swinging blades, a pendulum with lion's strength
    Lead concocted metal, if not the devil then beside him rests
    A Godly demon inside me screaming' of my trite intents
    Running, leaning inside the tents of the enemies as darkness
    Enveloped the surrounding regions, energy I sparked
    Beneath those keeping watch, the war continued
    Like equinox, changing like the seasons within you
    The speed of flocks of demonic brutes with bleeding socks
    And feet of rocks and shots of juice to keep at top
    -notch viciousness, the wickedness never seemed to stop
    Ubiquitous, our fleets supplying life's antithesis
    by might's epitome.
    Ignite the city-scene as well as all of it's citizens.


    Towards the end of the above extract, it really got insane. Overall, the content was nothing fantastic, but your approach and way of writing was near perfect.

    Pent Up: This was pretty nice. The rhyme scheme, flow, and those other characteristics were probably the best I've seen from you. The content itself was pretty nice as well, with this section being a standout;

    If ever a time for resolution, then that year is now
    because acid, meth, and dust will leave you weird and loud
    then turn you into a shell for the conditions I mentioned
    Blocking out, or over enhancing living life festive
    Making you machine, with specific mission objectives:
    find the crowd of kids you know will pitch in for seconds,
    then go to the dealers house,
    do your stash,
    and skimp the collective.
    But this is all an excuse,
    and you're striking with your binge as your weapon....(26)


    It flowed brilliantly, and the rhyme scheme was great. As I was reading it, you seemed to be talking from a point between teenage years and adulthood, because you were taking a step back and judging them both, exposing their downfalls etc. I liked how you described kids and teenagers in relations to drugs, then went on to discuss how parents will discourage you from that, which may ultimately make you more interested in 'trying' them. I enjoyed the overall message of 'learn from your own mistakes' because that is the only way to gain knowledge. Overall though, this was a very difficult match to vote on because both came with top scripts. Oh this really is a toss up, but I'm going to go with my gut instinct, that being Pent Up. Content wise, he just had the more pleasureable read. Great match.though, and it really could go either way.[/hide]
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  13. Fold

    Fold *NEW* DIC - just add gay!

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2005
    Messages:
    269
    [HIDE]
    Sacrifice
    I enjoyed the flow of the piece a lot. It had a good voice that put the content in good format. There was some parts where you did weird adjustments to the flow, but that wasn't bad either, it was kinda refreshing. The way the verse broke down seemed kind of deep, but lacked a little in the character development area. The point of your story didn't seem to be character based, but it had a character to build on within your point. The overall message was nice, although a bit cliche, I liked it still.

    Pent Up, this was a nice display too. The kids theme was nicely done with with some lines and clever phrasing. Flow was well done and made some good lines, more so towards the end with some impressive rhymes. Was kinda more simple in the wording in the first parts. The start of this was pretty nice, but I was more impressed with it as it approached the middle and ending with some nice wording.

    Kinds hard to pick on this one.

    Vote Pent Up, content seemed fresher as in more modern outlook, which was more appealing to me

    [/HIDE]
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  14. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2005
    Messages:
    884
    [hide]To be honest I didn't fee like voting this week but I'm glad I did cause I got the chance to read those two verses. Just stellar, rhyming, top to bottom. It's hard to decide cause you both wrote two great pieces.

    SacriFice - The flow was sick, so smooth, and the multis were nice, the rhyming was great, and the story was sad. The topic wasn't original but the verse had great depth and made up for the lack of originality. The verse had a lot of great parts but I really liked this section

    We were a pack of rabid dogs, the puzzle they had it solved
    Our minds, they had 'em washed
    Were trained to kill. And paid to spill blood with amazing will
    Blades and stainless steel
    Blood staining, like ink when touching the page with quill
    We wrote history, despite any consequence
    I'm home listening, to the breeze as my mind gets rest

    I thought the verse was a bit long, it could've been shorten but that wasn't that big of a deal cause the imagery and flow and writing was really good.

    Pent Up - When I first overlooked the verse I thought it was gonna be average but then when I read it I was wrong cause the verse was really good, the rhyming was effortless and the flow was sick. I didn't like the end,..toasty as hell? lol. I do the same sometimes too, I write good shit that makes sense most of the time up to the last section then I rush it and fuck it up, I think you did the same here. But other than that, I loved this verse, it was just great writing, what a topical should be. I liked this section the best

    Adults these days....
    looking back in time and making promises;
    Thinking they know better than common sense,
    avoiding past mistakes deciding what progress is.
    Telling us to stay indoors, getting drunk...
    and callin quits
    claiming we're to young to make official accomplishments...
    Pompous pricks who block goals we've sought as kids
    whether through tales of H-E-Double hockey sticks
    or foggy stints based on vague loopholes adults permit



    Okay, this is a really close one, ..in the end I'ma go with Pent up cause I took the message in his topical and I just liked it more, his verse is a verse that wouldn't be boring if I read it the second time.

    vote - pent[/hide]
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  15. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    13,681
    checking this one out
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  16. Annihilation

    Annihilation CLAUS HOUSE

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    Messages:
    458
    [hide]
    sacrifice:

    this was pretty dope, i really enjoyed reading this, the dichotomy between mental and physical survival and if the end justify the means really nailed the topic and the emotional package juxtaposed against fluid writing and wonderful imagery really got me into the piece. Shit like:


    Mentally, passive, steadily captive by the past
    and instead of reactions to love I passively ask


    this entire verse was pretty off the hook, mechanics, development, everything you really brought a level of realism combined with enough subtext to enthrall me. props.


    pent up:

    okay ive read this before, pretty nice, sick scheme with a good flow keeps this going, i like the approach and how the 3rd stanza is about adults and kind of a critique on the first 2 stanza's narrative on kids, and how it's not so objective/black&white, made some good social commentary although it doesnt feel that congealed overall, doesn't really come together in my mind at the end to form a complete picture, just alot of separate dots that more or less connect, a little vague sometimes. but overall pretty damn nice, enjoyable read, well written.


    Overall I feel like Sacrifice probably wrote the best piece I've read thus far this week, came with dope vocab/scheme/flow with a really nice story that hit home on so many levels, multifaceted yet still manages to come together to make a very complete piece, while Pent's would beat most people this week I felt Sac won this.

    Vote: Sacrifice

    [/hide]
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  17. Adderall XR 30

    Adderall XR 30 New Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2005
    Messages:
    80
    [hide]

    Well let's see. Both of your came pretty nice with the rhymes. Sacrifice had a little edge in terms of inners and what not, but Pent's were pretty crisp, more so than usual really. Both of these flowed nicely too. I liked Sacrifice's story. I've similar sorts of things written about, but you still did a damn good job as far as I can tell. The imagery was fucking dead on. Pent, good solid topical. The idea of kids not appreciating shit when they're younger and vice versa was a pretty smooth take on the topic. This was really damn close, but I'd feel pretty messed up if I didn't give the edge to Sacrifice, for reasons that I'm sure Pent is well aware of lol. I'll just leave it at that.

    [/hide]
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  18. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2001
    Messages:
    14,147
    4-4 tie
    Pent uP 35-13
    Sacrifice 2-0
    See u next week duke
    w-t-f
    test
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