49. Peepers VS 50. K.I.T. 1-0

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by TeKneeK, Jul 26, 2003.

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  1. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    Joined:
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    VERSES DUE Wednesday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST
    VOTES DUE Saturday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


    COLLECT YOUR TOPIC OF CHOICE HERE:

    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?threadid=609787


    LINE LIMIT:
    4 lines - NO SHOWS
    16 lines - MINIMAL
    60 lines - MAXIMAL


    VOTING:
    No crew votes
    No payback votes
    No 2nd Chance Votes


    YOU MUST MUST MUST -- POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD..

    VOTE ON 6 BATTLES!!!!!

    FAILURE TO DO SO RESULTS IN 3 VOTE SUBTRACTION!!!


    if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!!



    GO FOR IT!!!
    test
  2. ..::Peepers::..

    ..::Peepers::.. New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2002
    Messages:
    454
    test
  3. K.I.T.

    K.I.T. Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2003
    Messages:
    650
    #10.

    outside the weathers not nice, watch ya step, watch out for the ice//
    Now that's how it went down in Illinois life//
    They got my Window open in a snow storm at at night//
    Mamma, I can't sleep, tell me what Cali is lookin' like//
    Cuz this shit I don't like, but the tell me I'll adapt to it//
    Just like the others that's going through it//
    So it got me fightin for me welfare in this cold hell//
    Buyin' a ciggerette from the homie Montell//
    He sayin, "Stay, man it'll get better", but all I see is worse//
    Askin' Doc's to OD'me cuz I feel like I should go in a hurst//
    If I was'nt here I'd probably be token on chronic bowls//
    6 more weeks to accomplish my goals in this world that's cold (word that's cold) (word that's cold)//
    Before I explode like C-4, Heat I need more//
    Somebody needs to bring it to me like Robin Hood did the poor//
    Sad to say, no one did, So I headed back to L.A. with my kins//
    And now I miss these days I once dispized from within//
    test
  4. ..::Peepers::..

    ..::Peepers::.. New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2002
    Messages:
    454
    6. It is 11:32pm.. and you walk across a pier in the night.. the moon is glistening just above the waters in the distance... and you sit at the end of the pier on the edge... with your feet wading in the water.... you sit there... alone.... looking at your feet... then out into the moonlight.... thinking.... of....

    who???? - Narrate your thoughts or a story as you sit there.


    almost midnight, despite this severe depression
    i'v willed my feet to march to where it can lessen
    sitting on a dock, alone, too far from home
    lately my eyes only bleed red and my mouth moans
    depression has brought me to this moment
    but now that i'm here, i start to see the bonus
    maybe i dont have it so bad, she doesn't hate me
    i cheated on my wife and she's been pissed lately
    but she still loves me with her passionate heart
    i still have a reason to live, now i see this
    it took me to the brink of suicide to review my list
    change of heart, time to pack up and go back
    i should untie this boulder from my ankle's crack
    a second chance will come, but now i hear a sound
    *crack* goes the docks edge, the ledge break around
    in falls the rock as i soon follow towards death
    misfotune put me in the grave of the waves' crest
    what a shame, just when i saw the light of day
    i drowned when my heart still wanted to stay


    wack, i know, but i wrote this in 10 mins.....peace
    test
  5. Urizen

    Urizen Guest

    vote is peepers

    I felt like his verse was better composed
    and I liked the way he came to his senses
    and still died I liked that

    and kit I couldnt really follow his verse
    ddnt really feel the way he explained the
    way he felt at that moment
    but I did like the way he went back home
    within 2 lines
    test
  6. djtactics

    djtactics New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2003
    Messages:
    62
    K.I.T.

    Your verse wasn't too bad, but it didn't tell much of a story in my opinion... Your rhyme scheme wasn't too simple, but you could have worked harder at making it longer with some sort of climax... Either way, keep writing, nice work.

    Peepers

    Hmm, its relatively sad you only found ten minutes to work on this! You could have made yours longer too, obviously... but you had a (weird) decent closer... so I'm edging out the vote to you, there is just more of a plot in your verse...
    Vote = Peepers
    test
  7. stony

    stony ladies sit on grampas lap

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2002
    Messages:
    507
    kit, ya verse was more of a rap. not much of a story, no real imagery with a choppy flow. and what was that whole "ord thats cold word thats cold" thing...cut the street lingo, and go read the top 5 peeps verses, itll help ya out. keep ya head up mang, dont give up...
    peepers actually showed some kinda story. flow was better too. woulda been a nice verse if ya put some time and effort into it.

    vote peeps...one to both
    test
  8. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    Joined:
    May 3, 1999
    Messages:
    27,824
    peepers wins
    test
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