41 Mistakes Men Make in Bed

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by Hpnotiq, Mar 11, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Hpnotiq

    Hpnotiq KISS MY ASS BITCHES

    Joined:
    May 2, 2004
    Messages:
    754



    1) Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

    2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
    Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
    difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

    3) NOT SHAVING.
    You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

    4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
    Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

    5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
    Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.

    6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
    Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

    7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
    A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

    8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
    Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
    fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

    9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
    Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

    10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
    Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

    11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
    Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

    12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
    Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

    13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
    Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

    14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
    Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

    15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
    You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

    16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
    Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

    17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
    A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.

    18) GOING TOO FAST.
    When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

    19) GOING TOO HARD.
    If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

    20) COMING TOO SOON.
    Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

    test
  2. Hpnotiq

    Hpnotiq KISS MY ASS BITCHES

    Joined:
    May 2, 2004
    Messages:
    754
    21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
    It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

    22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
    You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.

    23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
    Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

    24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
    Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it
    will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

    25) NOT SHAVING PT.2
    Men seem to like women to be shaved down below. That's fine. But women like that too. That doesn't mean you have to shave it bare (although, that would be nice), but at least keep it neat and trimmed. There's nothing that turns a girl off more than looking at a penis sticking out of a forest.

    26) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
    Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

    27) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
    Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
    there. And don't grab her head.

    28) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
    In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

    29) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
    Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

    30) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
    This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

    31) TAKING PICTURES.
    When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

    32) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
    Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

    33) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
    There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

    34) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
    If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

    35) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
    Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

    36) GIVING LOVE BITES.
    It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

    37) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
    Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

    38) TALKING DIRTY.
    It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.

    39) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
    You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

    40) SQUASHING HER.
    Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too
    heavily, she will turn blue.

    41) THANKING HER.
    Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.


    ...........................................................
    test
  3. GuYaNeSe_KiNg

    GuYaNeSe_KiNg New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    970
    Bullshit. My ex loved it when I grabbed her head [And no she didn't just say that].
    test
  4. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2002
    Messages:
    25,951
    test
  5. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2002
    Messages:
    25,951
    "39) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
    You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you."

    laugh out loud...
    test
  6. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    Some of these I agree with, some I don't. Sex is highly an individual experience. Some things appeal to different women while others do not.
    test
  7. outta 41 about 5 of this shyt might go for me
    test
  8. urban_tactics

    urban_tactics aka johnny cockram

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2003
    Messages:
    24,807
    i'm convinced the woman who wrote this is prolly weak in bed......

    damn feministas.......
    test
  9. Snow Turd

    Snow Turd New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2006
    Messages:
    2,200
    True ^

    Only stupid ass hoes complain about not cumming too long.

    What kind of a stupid bitch doesn't like a dick in they vagina for 45 minutes?

    Get the fuck outta here w/ this bullshit.
    test
  10. urban_tactics

    urban_tactics aka johnny cockram

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2003
    Messages:
    24,807
    30 is all they gettin from me....this aint the movies........
    test
  11. LiveFromThe781

    LiveFromThe781 Don Of The Den

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    8,928
    LOL@ looking for a porstate
    LMAO@ not warning her when u gonna cum, wtf that adds an element of suprise

    the best one is thanking her, that shits great. good night and good luck bitch
    test
  12. BoDi

    BoDi www.iambodirock.com

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Messages:
    12,614
    lol@urban

    hahaha...
    test
  13. Offbeat

    Offbeat New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2001
    Messages:
    43,056
    30 minutes?

    lmao

    sad

    i go on and on and on
    test
  14. b'

    b' New Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2001
    Messages:
    2,780
    i've made mistakes 4, 6, 17, 21, 25, and 27.
    test
  15. PotHead

    PotHead average brilliance

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2000
    Messages:
    3,006
    bah,

    that's way too much to remember,

    pick your top 3
    test
  16. PinkcHica

    PinkcHica hip hop addict

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2004
    Messages:
    6,000
    some of those are very true.
    test
  17. Dokz

    Dokz Make Money Are Nothing

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2003
    Messages:
    623
    i never tell girls when i'm about to nut , all i say is deeper....


    it's amusing when they start gaggin on semen , then it's even more amusing when u see another nigga kiss her in the mouth.
    test
  18. LiveFromThe781

    LiveFromThe781 Don Of The Den

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2005
    Messages:
    8,928
    ^LOL

    yo how are any of those mistakes? i assume girls LIKE wedgies,facials, and nipple twidling and i only take pictures/video tapes so i can keep the memories...and occasionally share them with other people...its not my fault if you getting a wedgie right after i bust in your face turns up on the internet. I can agree on the not saying thank you part though, cause youre either gonna get a thank you or an apology, and ill let you wait to pick because im probaly gonna tell everyone you have a 4 inch clit.
    test
  19. Hpnotiq

    Hpnotiq KISS MY ASS BITCHES

    Joined:
    May 2, 2004
    Messages:
    754


    this must have hit home for you...
    test
  20. Blaine Fontaine

    Blaine Fontaine property hustla

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2005
    Messages:
    4,087
    lol some of those are virgin mistakes
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)