#3 - I Dunnno vs. #6 - Pestilence

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by RIKOSHAY, Feb 8, 2006.

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  1. RIKOSHAY

    RIKOSHAY New Member

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    pestilence:

    [​IMG]

    As The Memories Burn…One Down

    According to the Bible
    … Every piece of heavy metal fell…
    To the tune of Christ’s Lute-
    The Devil singing Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell…
    Set in Hell? No. Torture or Slumber?
    Rock with the Goblins.
    Play to the Tower of Babel.
    (Under a Spell)
    Causing a confidence Problem…
    The language loses fluency-
    Congruently they blend…
    Melting pot, Where Hell is hot…
    True of all your friends…
    You stuffed with lies.
    You’ll never make amends…
    Ashes to Ashen, Push a Puff…
    They’ll fly.
    Fall off of Cloud 9-
    All of the lowly go CRUNCH…
    Under your feet-
    Spirit of the leaf-
    Hit you with a Polio Punch…

    -Oh God-
    -LOL-

    What a singer and a player
    And a garbage picker…
    Looking for a Butterfinger and a prayer…
    Or a frickin stick of Snickers…
    Skittles- Bag of Kibbles and Bits…
    Semi-Ridiculous shit-
    Can of Mr. Pibb
    Equipped with some vinegar chips…
    Reese’s Pieces or Cups…
    Society’s eating it up…
    Why does every idea make a damn a believer of us…
    Why be so open-minded?
    To close on a dime- then
    Only to find nothing
    Behind all of the smoke and silence…
    Behind all of the heavy metal attire…
    The orange sky
    Does more than just resemble a fire…
    The crackling is my medley…
    Under the tar
    Where all the green lies resting…
    Why is the tune always 1,2 testing…
    Its what happens to the best,
    When the next cease…?
    *Looks under the fire in a glass headpiece*

    ===========================VS.===========================

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  2. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    Pest...so you definetly took a big risk this week writing such a short verse...but I think it was better that way....the flow was cool and not your average kind of flow...I liked the abstract spoken word "let me drop some knowledge on you" feel that this piece gave...and I think that you did this justice...btw from what I've read from you you're not incoherent...sorry bout assuming you were your alias...

    Dunnno...so yea...to being your flow was cool the whole way through and kept me entangled in your story....beyond that you had a couple lines in there where I was like...damn that's nice...all in all I think your story just came together as a much more complete one...

    Basically what this ended up being is both of you came nice and were talking on some real topics, but I dunnno had a more "complete" feeling verse and he gets my vote for having just a more fulfilling verse.

    [/hide]
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  3. pestilence

    pestilence now believes he's hyphy.

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    sorry. I am still confused as to how I hide content
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  4. I Dunnno

    I Dunnno New Member

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  5. Shogun...

    Shogun... Ghost Within the Shadows

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    [HIDE]I apologize if this ones short
    Pestilence
    This needed alot of work...what happened to the dopeness u brought last week?
    The flow was kinda confusing, and the story was medicore (if thats how u spell that lol) not too much of a wide vocab range niether

    I Dunno
    This verse had an ill fuckin storyline, very...how do i say it...had a "dark knight" feel to it if ya know what im sayin lol The vocab varied greatly which was good and the mechanics as usual was stripped clean of most flaws, so the verse ran great

    I give the vote to I Dunno[/HIDE]
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  6. Scrolls-Oracle of Omen

    Scrolls-Oracle of Omen *DBS*--*A.B.C*

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    [HIDE]vote: I Dunno

    pestilence: verse was kinda weird for me. lol....couldnt find the flow. couldnt follow the story much...it was ok man....ive seen u do wayyyy better...lol. ur very good man just gotta show it....nice shit yo..

    i dunno: this is pretty good....i liked this alot.....story was very on topic. kept me into it. i like how you took this....very original...thats why u won this.....good shit yo...

    good shit to the both of yas....keep it up.....one[/HIDE]
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  7. TaLi RodrigueZ

    TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper...

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    Ok, Pestilence, I liked the subtleness of your rhymes and flow. It obviously wasn't structured in any sort of traditional fashion but I thought it read smoothly. I* read this thing 4 time. In terms of the content, I'm not even going to try to pretend to be certain that I know exactly what it is you are talking about. I mean that in the sense that, obviously there are are a number of different metaphors going on at the same time. And it is my sense that those are tied in to the larger point. However, I'm just not sure lol. If I'm wrong, then I'm pretty much totally misreading your piece. If I'm right, then let me say this. I lijked the idea, but I'm not really sure you really took enough time to develop it all as much as you could have. I mean, the whole thing is basically 16 bars if you format it in a more traditional way. It's hard as hell to to really connect the parts of, and, develope a concept such as this one. That's not to say that bigger is always better. But in this case, I definitely think it would have helped, and it would have eased my mind because I would probably be more certain that I even know what in the hell I'm talking about.

    I Dunnno, I'm extremely happy that you didn't go with an entire piece as a chess board/life metaphor. I mean, you kind of did, but not in the way that thirteen-thousand people have done it before. You're rhymes were pretty impressive, as they usually tend to be. The flow was pretty good too. The main point of the story was poinant given the passing of the person you mentioned. I don't know, there really isn't a whole lot about this piece that I didn't think was at least good.

    I gotta roll with I Dunnno on this one. For me, the rhymes and flows, etc. were more or less a wash. Perhaps Dunnno's rhymes were a bit more complex. The main reason I didn't vote for Pest is because 1, if I am wrong in my assumptions of what the piece is about, then obviously, I can't really vote for it, and two, if I am actually right, or sort of right, I still think there was room for a whole lot more to be said and it just wasn't this time around.[/hide]
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  8. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

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    [hide]Pest verse was nice, not as dope as last week but i liked a few lines here and there and for the most part it was good. I Dunno's concept was dope, but the execution could've been better. I was gonna use that pic until i decided i didnt give a fuck lol, but anyways, dope pic, nice concept, flow was good, some thought shown, overall a good verse, i just thought more points couldve been brought up.

    I'ma go with I Dunno here, i just liked his verse more this week.

    vote - i dunno[/hide]
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  9. ConVerse

    ConVerse ...You're My Bitch...

    Joined:
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    pestilence’s Verse…

    P never ceases to amaze me with the somewhat cryptic references that saturate his verses. You either love it or hate it. In any case, to me, there was an underlying theme of absolution through self, dispelling any whim to subject oneself to the supernatural, or any power outside of the individual. The medium? Perhaps music, or some other muse that I’m missing. Maybe I would’ve liked to see something more relative to reader, or imagery that would have made this more universal..but still, nice.

    I Dunno’s Verse…

    Well, got damn….I slept on this I Dunno cat. This piece was pretty damn nice. With the exception of flow, which stumbled a few times, and was saved by some inner scheming, this piece a complete package. This was unique to me in the manner that it evaded the played racism card, and rather queried the chance at racial harmony. Everything was pretty smooth, but the final few bars, especially after the scientific revelation really drove the point home…in turn, capturing my vote.

    Vote/Reason…I Dunno

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  10. Annihilation

    Annihilation CLAUS HOUSE

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    Pestilence:

    Cool concept, I liked the style of the bars and the fragmentation, I thought it matched the topic and the thoughts being expressed appropriately. It had some nice references, I thought the language and vocabulary used made it an interesting read. In terms of a whole, however, it was very vague and the ideas presented weren't clearly elaborated on, as the piece was quite short when considering the length and amount of bars. Overall, a nice read and some smart workplay, too.

    I Dunnno - Great piece, I thought the rhyme scheme and flow on this were ill, really made it a breeze to go through, my mind was racing reading this and the ideas presented. I had the same idea for this picture, but I don't like doing the whole racial topic because it's so played and it's very hard being original. I think you interweaved the chess theme really well into your topical and I was drawn into it, the arguments, ideas and situations presented, and just so well written, with some nice wordplay:

    Cross fire killing victims that live in the lines
    Casualties?!?! What's casual about erasing innocent minds?

    Overall, for 40 lines, this was a really tight verse. I think had you a few more lines to work with, a bit more chess-references would have fit in, but as it stands no complaints.

    While Pest had a very unique verse, nice diction, and high level of vocab and references to the bible and western culture, I Dunnno's verse is a richer, fuller, and more complete piece that drew me in, and whisked me away with an ill flow and scheme, great writing and interesting take on a played topic.

    Vote: I Dunnno
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  11. RIKOSHAY

    RIKOSHAY New Member

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    [hide]Pestilence - I really loved the flow and rhythm of this peice. I imagine it's frustrating trying to convey the rhyme and pacing in text because I can see really tight multies but you've got everything broken up to try to show what else is going on within the lines. I know it would sound smooth as hell, just difficult to read. Meanwhile, there are some clever lines but as a whole, I don't see everything relating well to a single topic.

    I Dunnno - Great rhyme scheme, as expected. What was unexpected is you doing so well on a topical. As I've mentioned whenever others tackle similar topics (And I critique myself for this as well) I like to see some solutions provided, not just questions asked. Still, really dope verse.

    Vote = I Dunnno[/hide]
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  12. RIKOSHAY

    RIKOSHAY New Member

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    I Dunnno Wins!
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