23.Den-S 1-1 Vs 24.Desenuts 7-5

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Nebz, Oct 5, 2003.

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  1. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    VERSES DUE Wednesday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST
    VOTES DUE Saturday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


    VOTING RULES
    No beef votes
    No payback votes
    No 2nd Chance Votes, Once and Done


    VOTE ON 6 BATTLES!!!!!


    FAILURE TO DO SO RESULTS IN 3 VOTE SUBTRACTION!!!
    This week and following we will enforce this rule



    4 lines - NO SHOWS
    12 lines - MIN
    60 lines - MAX


    Fail to Post URL's all those votes will not count

    Your Topics are here
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?threadid=646828


    if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!!


    NEW RULE: Voting On a No-show Verse does not Count as your vote, Both Competitors must show.

    Go Forth And Produce​
    test
  2. Den-S

    Den-S .:.The Chosen One.:.

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    checkin in...
    test
  3. Desenut§

    Desenut§ Lean mean nuttin machine!

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    present... and good luck..
    test
  4. Den-S

    Den-S .:.The Chosen One.:.

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    17.You had it all now you have been force to live off eating sewer rats and other distateful objects, how did you get like this, will you be like this forever? explain.-Known
    =====================================


    Eyes of still tranquility, reality speaks volumes for life//
    To be a friend to these streets, engulfed by the pits of night//
    Mistakes, the cause of this hate I now relate to existence//
    In each instance, the greatest inference is happiness’ distance//
    Exhausted garments mask a soul rendered dishonest, intolerant//
    To be honest, my soul and mind-state refuse to be prominent//
    Minutes spent by the corner, pity the lonely man I’ve become//
    When the only light I see is that which is embraced by the sun//
    The bare feet emulate my bare soul, no where to go of I know//
    I’ve seen the deepest pits of low, kissed poverty as a whole//
    And with a tattered conscious that’s unconscious to my struggles//
    Rewind to four years ago, when opportunity arose to end my troubles//…


    “Dennis, get your head up young man, and pay attention to the lecture”//
    I grimace at the sight of this picture, I don’t give a fuck about lectures//
    “This is college, sir, this is not a game- you have a chance to make a name”//
    “I read your last essay, you’ve got brains kid- now you gotta find your way”//

    All this “potential” talk really irks me, annoys me each and every day//
    Doesn’t understand I wouldn’t be here unless hoops paid the way//
    Mr. Jansen glares as the class stares at my ignorance, my impatience for life//
    To see their furrowed brows and disapproving glances, what a wonderful sight//
    “Get out your notebook and take some notes, an exam is in a week”//
    Ol Mr J is obviously blind, for I have no notebook in which he speaks//
    Finally with eyes of disappointment, he continues that day’s lesson//
    And I can continue my nap in peace-tonite’s my date with Francesca//

    “Zone! Zone! Zone! Dammit Dennis, where’s your mind at?’’//
    Coach is furious, rampaging the court, he continues to ask://
    “It’s the same damn play! Shit, can’t you atleast get it right?”//
    He doesn’t realize I’ll never make the NBA, so why waste time?//
    These adults man, they always tryin to make you look outta line
    Coach walks up to me, red fire arises in his scorching iris//
    “You being on this team is a crisis! I never know where your mind is!”//
    The teams starts to grin, seeing me under the wrath of Coach’s fury//
    This man’ll never understand that I’ll never be an ESPN Classic story//
    But then, with an unsettling ease, he ceases the speech, and explains to me://
    “Son, you got all the talent in the world- when I say this, trust in me//
    “But for all your incredible skill, and your outstanding athletic ability//
    “You got the heart of a loser, and the quitter in you is obvious to me”//

    And with those words, hurt and pain arose; the next words I spit were cursed//
    And with that, my basketball career at Duke was burst, a young mind, absurd//


    And with no sports, all I could resort to was the streets//
    Since potential success never reached the peak with me//
    And now, a college dropout, a failure to this grand society//
    I am forced to suffer the consequences, and accept reality//
    Roaming God’s earth for food, not knowing what’s for dinner//
    Feasting on rats, any animals or objects to suffice my hunger//
    And no shelter or cover for when God’s cries provide thunder//
    Every day I regret the losses, for what I had and could have been//
    Whether it was my raw mind and it’s ability, the ingrown seeds//
    Or the possibility of being a basketball star at Duke University//
    Instead, I am condemned to hell, I no longer fear the pits of Hades//
    For I’d be amongst Heaven if my attitude wouldn’t have restrained me//
    test
  5. Desenut§

    Desenut§ Lean mean nuttin machine!

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    9.you have just jumped off a skyscraper and you are plummeting towards the ground... what's going through your head?-Kon

    The leap-

    I'm a man whose lost everything.. remember that fact..
    take a breath.. then a step.. and never look back..
    Just relaxe.. feel the ledge.. then launch like a bird..
    my arms flap.. but gravity's grasp falls staunch on my words..

    The fall begins-

    I examine in an instant.. my circumstances ain't pleasin..
    body cries treason.. mans not meant to fly FOR THIS REASON
    memmory's creep in.. though I try to stay focused..
    and the de ja vu of the day takes place with no choices..

    the memmory~~

    "Shut the hell up.. what kinda stunt you tryin to pull"
    the girl of my dreams berates me.. I'm awaking.. a fool
    "Hun don't worry.. I got this.. It's all under control"
    "It's not like I haven't done this.. 100 times before"
    "I've heard that before.. and it's cost us every time.. "
    "Forget pride.. just walk away.. the light just ain't lime"
    "And you'll lose it some time.. you've played the odds and we're ahead"
    "If you walk out that door.. you can forget what I said"
    "I won't have our child... I mean it.. not like this"
    "Waking up to a phone call one night.. to bad news and regrets"
    "Explaining to him why his daddy can't be there"
    "And won't be anymore.. Live that life? I don't dare!"
    Look I'll be back.. it's just half a day...
    Don't worry hunny.. and please don't look at me that way
    I left on bad terms.. the door slammed with a crash..
    but I was too late.. to call.. or turn back...
    the hurts lashed.. words hurt me so bad..
    that I had said things now.. I could never take back.......

    the bottom
    I swear it's the end.. the ground looms.. with insistance..
    this head on collision mixes with prayed benedictions..
    Dear God if you hear this.. please square this.. no doubt..
    AMEN..
    It's been a while.. a spiritual drout..
    My lungs bend with a shout.. the impact racks my frame..
    but the bag holds.. as it billows and rolls at the seams..
    I'm just a little off.. that's my sole role and fame..
    and I'm known for this game.. so I stroll with no shame..
    some say I'm nuts.. but the stunts I pull take guts..
    as the film rolls.. till the director yells cut...
    I pick up the cell.. dial Shel.. I've no choice..
    and I never exhale.. till the sound of her voice..
    "I love you babe.. and I'll always be there..
    and I promise.. this was the last one I swear..."
    test
  6. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    Over No Shows
    test
  7. Dah Alpha Male

    Dah Alpha Male New Member

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    hmmmm....

    this is a tough call...


    Den-S..
    I enjoyed the story.. the way you wrote it fit the topic as well.. lack of a twist though, but twists aren't everything... overall a good story

    Desenuts....
    good story as well, when you started out I figured you'd have this for sure.. the middle got a bit slow... nice twist at the end...


    overall..
    I was feeling Den-s a bit more than Dese, so Den gets the vote by a hair...

    VOTE = DEN-S
    test
  8. HighPawTheCyst

    HighPawTheCyst New Member

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    im going with den on this one, ending was boring, but it was more consistent than dese, whose verse fluctuated too much for me, props to both though


    vote den s
    test
  9. SamGoodY

    SamGoodY trully inspired...

    Joined:
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    den-s... nice story... like johnny P said, twist aren't everything... a good movie is just a good movie, whether it be a lvoe story, action flick, or crazy fuckin' twist. good story, could grasp and relate in alot of ways, both personally, and with the story alot of my kin-folk carry with 'em. (thank god we ain't eating off the streets though... anymore at least.)

    dese... good story, good twist... not exceptional, but good...
    compared to dens though, 1. it didn't hit me personally, 2. it didn't have as much feeling coming out of it....
    vote=den-s
    test
  10. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

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    I have to agree.. I was really impressed with den s this week.. this is a big win for him against someone as talented as desenuts. I felt the story was more formed.. the shit that u didn’t have colored yellow was real nice writing.. I would have liked to see that the whole way through. but u stayed consistent an dropped a nice story.


    des.. the leap an tha fall was hot.. wish it could have continued that way with the fall, but I lost a little interest while reading it, not to mention I was someone confused with the storyline.. but this was still a good drop.. just not as good as your opponents this week I thought.

    vote den s

    best of luck to you both.
    test
  11. Den-S

    Den-S .:.The Chosen One.:.

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    test
  12. prophetional

    prophetional hokey muh-fuckin' pokey

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    can i just quote everyone elses votes? i agree on all points....

    den-s
    test
  13. SIN2

    SIN2 as we speak

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    good battle....

    I have to say both emcees came correct...Den-S story unfolded nicely as did Des but DEN edged it out wit a better story and images...

    vote=Den-s
    test
  14. WiSDoM

    WiSDoM I t0k yer wifes virginity

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    Den-S - the beginning of the story was really nice...flow was fluid..nice content thru it all..the opening verse made me read thru out the whole thing..keep me engulfed into reading it..really nice drop..

    Desenuts - nice story...seemed like it was little rushed at parts..overally not the best verse u could of cam eout with..but it was good..u had a good opener...

    I'm a man whose lost everything.. remember that fact..
    take a breath.. then a step.. and never look back..
    Just relaxe.. feel the ledge.. then launch like a bird..
    my arms flap.. but gravity's grasp falls staunch on my words..


    this was the best part of the story...nice drop..but just not enough to take out Den-S this week..


    vote = den-s
    test
  15. Gummo

    Gummo New Member

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    Vote: Den-S

    verse appealed more to me, not bad on your emotion and thought scheme, overall decent verse, dese not bad, could have used a bit more.. i have to agree with l-dogg with the leap and fall was hot, then your verse fell itself.. what happened? just lost its edge... not bad tho.. keep it up.. gluck
    test
  16. Richard Corey

    Richard Corey battle like a savage

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    I think I LIKE Den-S' story more. It's a morality tale about recognizing your own potential. Dezenuts' story was cool, but it was nothing more than a cool story with a twist at the end. Usually that's enough to win, but when you come up against someone who's actually saying something, it becomes a toss up... I'm going to have to go with Den-S. I just like his story more, not that I didn't like Dez's story, it's just Den's story had an idea and it carried through and at the end you learn something.

    Usually that's corny to me, but today i feel different, so...

    vote: Den-S
    test
  17. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

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    morality tales are always corny to me.
    bad dialouge is a turn off
    long bars + no multis = bad flow
    i wasn't feeling Den-S much here
    he did show potential, just i don't like these kinds of verses

    Dese had a well told story with a mediocre ending
    his flow was nice and he had a good writers voice

    so he gets the vote
    sorry to ruin your shut out Den-S
    test
  18. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    Den-s wins
    test
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