#2 - TaLi RodrigueZ vs. #7 - Got Life?

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by RIKOSHAY, Feb 8, 2006.

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  1. RIKOSHAY

    RIKOSHAY New Member

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    Got Life?:

    Demise in Her Eyes

    Everyone said that Julie shined brighter than any star in the skies,
    Haters would constantly murmur whys? but I sat transfixed in her eyes,
    Or the way sweat would bead on her thighs, made my veins boil inside,
    Yet every night that glimmer would hide, I mean the glimmer of pride,
    Although I didn't get why she didn't prepare, even I felt my glare,
    But it seemed she still wasn't aware, as she sat flippin her hair,
    All the while livid I stare, frothing from the mouth...I didn't care,
    As her crimson lips flipped a kiss in the air, I was on my way there,
    To claim my object of affection, and press my face to her complexion,
    Knowing for a minute it was just the two of us without a misconception,
    No detectives prying questions, and no chance of divine interventions,
    Just sublime retention, that would cloud the mist to distant sections,
    The grating moans of her objections, yet she would soon suffer no more,
    She was a beauty in puddles of gore, the kind you only hear of in lore,
    Yet there in a heap lay before me, this beautiful specimen of misery,
    Her once prevalent life a mystery, and she goes to God...her victory.

    This notches yet another gloomy day, because I had to come in and slay,
    A girl whose golden locks had stiffened like clay, as she drifted away,
    Making me reminisce on her laughter and hiss, I was a master at this,
    Yet she seemed to cackle with bliss, indeed she was such a clever miss,
    Yelling to me "I cannot grow till you eat the rest of me."
    And I froze stunned, thinking could it really be more bated trickery?
    Because to see such things repeatedly, is to coincidental for reality,
    Now crying re-living the memory, because Danielle sat hesitantly...

    Looking out on the land, Wiping tears from her eyes with her hand,
    Tempting me so that I would demand, us going off together hand in hand,
    Yet the ceremony lasted naught but a night, she didn't want to wear white,
    But I never saw a deadlier sight, then the beauty of her lustful plight,
    And my lust was ripe for my love, curling our toes as if from above,
    Our passions collided, they never subsided, but a dove died that night,
    Causing the raven to quote nevermore, and you're lost on that sandy shore,
    While I lay in our bed of gore, wondering what in the hell I could've tore,
    That would have lead to such a demise, yet I felt a sudden surprise,
    Surprised at the fact I was aroused by the blood, this was my demise.

    Topic : The Two Dead Girls

    ===========================VS.===========================

    TaLi RodrigueZ:

    “Good times? Yeah we shared those, but I guess now you’re with your own kind”




    If I've got this all correctly I've gotta' ball in a Bentley
    Or draw reference to the clothes I've got on for yall to respect me?
    That's pretentious to me, I'd rather get entrenched in a beat
    And see how many bulbs I can blow before I end up deceased

    But let’s pretend for a second this day is opposite
    So I can get obnoxious and talk about all the rocks I flip
    I know it's odd as shit, but I promise its dope and honest
    I'm not really into soaking knowledge and all of those blokes in college
    I'm just roping yall' in and rocking the boat, laughing
    Waiting for the perfect time to start dropping the soap
    So I can get prodded and poked until my soul's an object
    Composed of pre-chosen concepts and corroded topics
    Mold me into my role so yall' can control the profits
    I want any prospects of hope to be choked and abolished
    Please throw me into this moshpit of nonsense so I can polish my craft
    You'll be amazed at what I can accomplish
    I’m chomping at the bit to throw my shit out to consumers
    And myself to interviewers so they can begin the rumors
    That will eventually break me down
    To the point where I’m making joints claiming you folks hate me now
    Then I’ll go away and resurrect anew according to
    Whatever trend the market views as the most likely to distort the youth
    Profess myself as the people’s disciple
    Fall off again and come back cause’ I’m just grease in this cycle

    I’m just grease in this cycle
    I’m not creating new inventions
    If you’re not subscribing
    I’m not paying you attention

    I’m just grease in this cycle
    Because of you I’ve got money to spare
    Think that’s crummy?
    I think it’s funny you care

    I’m just grease in this cycle
    You’re nothing to me
    But a crisp twenty
    Every time you buy a disc from me

    I’m just grease this cycle
    And yet you buy into my sideshow
    But I’m not complaining
    Keep your eyes closed

    Perhaps I’m being harsh cause’ if I was in that position
    Maybe I’d be that same rapper flagrantly lacking wisdom
    Maybe I’d be that same actor creating facts from fiction but I’m not
    And I know this so I choose to trash this vision
    It seems to me like there’s more to achieve than a quarter of weed
    A car and a token whore with a weave
    But maybe I’m wrong, maybe this genre isn’t mine
    And she’s with her own kind now, just happy to get some shine…​
    test
  2. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    test
  3. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    test
  4. I Dunnno

    I Dunnno New Member

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    [HIDE]
    Gotlife, the narration of this started nicely and opened the doors with some nice flow in parts and mature writing in others. It seemed to really lose focus as you attempted to make this suspenseful, which isn't always the way to go. If you're going to kill some girls, then I find it best that you supply those details of killing them because that will be important, the sequence of death can't be avoided if it's part of your topic. You shouldn't be vague about it, but the other aspects were done pretty nicely.

    Tali, format was pretty dope with the rhyme scheme and that started this off nicely. Trying to not become the useless rapper narration, ie "I write whatever you want to get paid".... Common conept of our times. You have an analytical thinking approach that brings your brainstorm to life so we can see your thoughts unfold. Nice... And it's actually in rap format with a cool chorus.

    Vote Tali
    [/HIDE]
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  5. Scrolls-Oracle of Omen

    Scrolls-Oracle of Omen *DBS*--*A.B.C*

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    13,721
    [HIDE]my vote goes to...

    vote: tali..

    got: shit was ill....story was on key, likin alot. flow was off in some points, but it streamed. good shit...not bad at all man....nothin triggered a bad thing here....just not enough to tower over tali.

    tali: nice, flow was like gots...off in some places....pretty good.....they story just seemed more complete and more interesting to me...nice battle though guys...g'luck. pzz

    so u get my vote....[/HIDE]
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  6. Shogun...

    Shogun... Ghost Within the Shadows

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    473
    [HIDE]Got Life?
    This verse was alot better than your tourney verse last week, if possible...better vocab, better flow, better structure...it was an all around better verse
    I liked the storyline alot as well, a bit gory but a bit poetic...like Pac lol


    Tali
    Damn Tali is tryin to win this...Dope verse, and very smooth flow throughout...I'll call you the 2nd place best at mechanics (I Dunno will be 1st for now lol)
    The storyline was aight, it wasnt 100% about this but it felt like a rapper talkin bout issues, which is a bit old...but the vocab and flow were just ill!

    HMMMMMMMM!!!!!
    Got Life has the better storyline and better imagery and Tali had the better flow and the better mechanics...what do you base a vote on exactly? Since this IS a topical tourney, id give Got the vote for better storyline and imagery but by a centimeter [/HIDE]
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  7. headless verseman

    headless verseman JERSEY NUCCUH

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    17,170
    [HIDE]well, got life simply had a verse that outshined tali's. and by that, tali's shit was nice, nicely worded, some funny lines *drop the soap*, good flow and scheme, but i think it falls short Got life's story and composition.


    This notches yet another gloomy day, because I had to come in and slay,
    A girl whose golden locks had stiffened like clay, as she drifted away,

    personally, the golden locks part to me is cliche, but you were going for the whole innocence thing, right? but, the second part is fuckin ill, "stiffened like CLAY", that is powerful

    much better overall, had alot of imagery, alot of multis and shit with that scheme, detail oriented, and i think you pulled it off nicely


    i just dont think these 2 verses compare at all, tali's was like on some educated cassidy mixtape ish, lol...not THAT Extreme, but i hope the message is conveyed


    vote got life


    ps, ive YET to vote against this kid. he brings shit weekly[/HIDE]
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  8. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2005
    Messages:
    884
    [hide]Got Life? - Good balance of multis, and flow. Story was decent, vocab was good, pretty solid. Some of the lines were awkward, but nothing really disappointed me, i thought the verse was good.

    Tali - That has to be one my favorite verses that i've read in the past weeks, the flow..was so fucking fluent, all your verses are smooth reads. The structure was dope too. And the concept is concious, honest, and really smart. It was complete, and very few verses are these days, and this had a point of view, you did just about everything right. And another reason why I love reading your verses is because nothing seemed forced.

    Got Life is a consistent writer, he's always on the ball, and always come solid, but Tali is just on another level and came with a dope verse.

    vote - Tali[/hide]
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  9. RIKOSHAY

    RIKOSHAY New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 1999
    Messages:
    7,243
    [hide]Got Life - It's funny that you have a couple multies on rare occasions. Curious why you don't use them always. Single syllable rhymes are so bland to me. Otherwise, the way you say your lines comes off nice. The story never really grabs me though. I guess I just don't understand why you're a sicko like that. Like, you never really got into his character.

    Tali - Of course your mechanics/flow/rhymes are superb. As far as being a complete verse, you really covered everything. At the same time, you weren't exactly trying to explore new ground so the level of difficulty isn't too high. I especialy liked the short 4 bar stanzas.

    Vote - Tali[/hide]
    test
  10. RIKOSHAY

    RIKOSHAY New Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    TaLi Wins!
    test
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