#2 - TaLi RodrigueZ vs. #3 - I Dunnno

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by RIKOSHAY, Feb 15, 2006.

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  1. RIKOSHAY

    RIKOSHAY New Member

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    I Dunnno:

    Holding my breath, eyes open, attempting to focus my best
    Laying close to the steps of the gateway composing my death
    Fighting reactions to say goodnight and relax in serenity
    My mind just flashes intensely through lightning crashes of energy
    Throwing punches in the air while getting choked in dispair
    The bathtub overflowing, bubbles blowing, exploding in glares
    As conciousness is supressed and suffocation has settled
    I begin embracing the threshhold of sharing space with the devil
    Swimming through liquid fire, I'm a captive of pain
    So hot that when I perspire my pores start crackling in flames
    Demons in boats resembling slave ships emencing steam from their souls
    No blunts or cigarettes, yet their breathing out smoke
    Seeing me float caused a laugh attack as I see people I know
    Their empty vessels with blank faces lieing beneathe all their ghosts
    Passing by levitating tombstones with no ground to support them
    With waterfalls of blood on the side and a black pond that they're poured in
    Abominable horsemen; hideous creatures with wings and legs of stallions
    Somehow, the pain is substained with attention on the dead in malice
    A reverend passes holding two boys by their heads and dances
    And bounces on their tiny frames to regain his steps in balance
    My eyes are tortured no longer by firey pits, but the sight of this shit
    Has me chewing my own gums from fiercely biting my lips
    Fighting to live, but now realizing I should of lived for the fight
    Cuz life is a bitch you wanna fuck and until she gives you supplies
    You try to hit and get side tracked by all the shit in your mind
    And that's when your surprised that she already has a dic in her eye
    A twisted design, but I can't quit, I must continually strive
    If hell is my home, I'll making my throan on top of the bitch that's inside
    Suddenly, I awaken shaken, but still a nig.ga's revived
    Brought back from the dead with a slight limp, yet I'm not missing a stride
    I was choking myself, not caring if I lived or I died
    In a tub of self loathing putting the whip on my spine
    With so much to give, how could I let my pens commit suicide
    And give up my rights for the wrong reasons, then just sit back and cry
    Fuck all that, the dawgs back and with some vinegar pride
    That means one wiff and you'll flip with hella mist in your eyes
    Submitting my might whenever I write until it fits how I like
    I barried myself in flow to journey through the wisdom it guides

    Topic: journey under water

    ===========================VS.===========================

    TaLi RodrigueZ:

    Topic: Which way to go
    Man…

    I swear I have a lot homework that I said I'd do and didn’t
    But it’s cool because I’ll have plenty of time to finish
    I said I’d clean the house and make sure the shit was spotless
    But I barely made progress, At least I got to sit and watch some boxing
    That reminds me, I meant to find me a grimy instrumental
    So I could commence to rhyming this verse that I wrote
    Nah I’ll use that time to ponder some internet chess
    Just like my mind to squander
    Some perfectly good motivation, I’m such a lazy dweeb
    But it’s ok cause’ I have ADD
    That gives me a free pass to act a complete ass
    Smash up a clean pad and get trashed off a drink fast
    I’m running out of gas, I know that it seems sad
    This isn’t a bad dream, Its life, Think fast, Act later
    Or not at all, I’m getting tired of getting inspired
    Then ten seconds later getting mired in nonsensical wastes of time
    Sometimes I feel like I have a wasted mind
    Take my Adderall, It tastes just fine
    Synthetic drive provides my guiding lights, still it’s like
    Who am I to fight I’m just a guy who writes his thoughts and shit
    On paper or types in word documents
    Puts them on a track and derives absurd compliments
    From a semi-large probably disturbed populace
    But they’re paying attention so I gotta keep dropping hits
    Forget writing my thesis, I’m just trying to beat this deadline
    So I can rest in peace when it’s bedtime
    Everyday of my life is more or less alike
    20 things to do, But in the end, my boredom gets the right
    To overthrow my self-discipline, You think I’m playing you
    I’m more or less consistent in your eyes but please, I’m begging you
    Take it with a grain, my struggle is tremendous
    And I really have to tend to something else so let me end this.

    That kid laces flows…that kid blazes foes,
    He raises the stakes when he graces his prose
    His brain must be plated with gold cause’ he makes it look so
    Damn easy, He’s great and he knows

    Yeah, sure…

    This kid is has no patience to show…
    He’s spacey, He’s lazy, There’s basically no…
    Way to escape from this daze he copes with
    I just hope that he makes out which way to go, quick
    test
  2. Calloused

    Calloused New Member

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    [hide]I Dunno had a very good verse. I enjoyed the multiples a lot, although some of them seemed to be a little too forced, making the wording awkward. However, the flow was outstanding and the images were well painted. Despite the fact that I knew the whole time what the "twist" would be, the wordplay was nice and made it much more enjoyable to read. As a whole, this piece was well written but lacked any sort of purpose or plot, which is my only major knock.

    As far as Tali goes, I remember him being a better writer than this verse showed. The flow seemed a little sloppy with the very makeshift rhyme scheme that seemed to be nothing more than a lacksidasical effort thrown together with no real thought. The verse also failed to move out of an uninteresting inner-monologue that I never once felt a part of. This verse failed to impress me at all, and I feel you only wrote it because you didn't want to no-show.

    With that said, I Dunno is my vote in this battle because I feel like his piece was more interesting, had a better flow, and was better in virtually every catagory.[/hide]
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  3. I Dunnno

    I Dunnno New Member

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    Votes will go....
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  4. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    [hide]
    i'm shocked someone actually beat me to the voting...hah...neway...

    i dunnno...ok so after reading this i'm even more sure that you're dic, but that's not even important...the imagery here was superb...the way you depicted everything allowed me to visualize it in front of me...and the reverend being down there in this firey hell made me smirk...it was a well written piece with a smooth flow...nicely done man...

    tali...this was an honest piece and I can tell that it was very genuine...I liked how you strung it together and the emotion you have towards your slumber...I think you developed the character pretty well as far as a few things going on in his life, and how he needs adderall to focus because of the ADD...it's all very honest and well written...

    See tali had a real cool piece and it was very genuine, but at the end of the battle I had to ask myself...was it good enough though to outshine I dunnno and I have to say that in this case it wasn't....I dunnno's imagery out weighed what Tali brought to the table and thus my votes is for I dunnno
    [/hide]
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  5. Shogun...

    Shogun... Ghost Within the Shadows

    Joined:
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    473
    [HIDE]Yep, we are def. in the final matches!!
    I Dunno
    Wow...thats one word i could say about this, but i have to say more i guess lol
    This was almost a perfect piece..very nice and smooth flow throughout, nice rhymes and choices of words, so overall, nice vocab. The structure and scheme were fluidly consistent (of course, with the nice flow) You came this week and cut short on many lines, but just enough to work in the perfection you did...so i'd say when you tweeked your mechanics, you tweeked 'em good! I absolutly loved the imagery..it was some of the most powerful imagery i've seen in the league
    Damn...I was like whoa! when i saw those bars...

    Tali
    Wow again! This was the best piece i've seen from you, period. The flow was worked in with the solid structure and you seemed to cut down on the use of "too big of words" that many cats wouldnt understand...It worked!..I never had to open my microsoft word to type in a word and find it's meaning lol...Very nice wording and vocab..Not too much but not too little...Loved the story as well! And if i had to choose a line that stood out from the rest, it most def. would be this one
    Damn!...I find this to be true about many cats here as well actually
    You imagery was very nice as well, but I Dunno came with the strongest imagery i've ever seen in the RSTL!
    So aside from everyother aspect, as they were tied in my view, I Dunno gets my vote for the imagery!
    Very nice matchup fellas...bring this kind of shit to the table in the League!!![/HIDE]
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  6. Kryptikal

    Kryptikal Soulstice.

    Joined:
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    [hide]v/ tali[/hide]
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  7. Scrolls-Oracle of Omen

    Scrolls-Oracle of Omen *DBS*--*A.B.C*

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    [HIDE]shit this is hard....

    vote: I Dunno..

    I dunno: shit was pretty dope man...flow was pretty good, like a stream not quite a river...lol. damn good though...story was good....imagery was all over the place...felt like when i started reading it i fell asleep and when i stopped i woke up....shit was good...nice.

    tali: not bad yourself man...flow was pretty good....just lost some of it in the beginning but brought it back in the middle and the end. story was jus a lil weird to me....but you made it happen. good shit man....i dunno wiggled by you...

    nice job...if yall could hit up scrolls vs. mr chaves in the league that would be dope...

    pzzz[/HIDE]
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  8. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

    Joined:
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    [hide]Tali
    Didnt i predict you would go out in the third round?
    and wouldnt I be in this match had i not no showed (and won, which wouldnt of happened


    but u see how my prediction could have been super scary true?)

    anyways
    vote-Dunno

    Tali--this shit is basically like saying "i've got more important shit to do but since im semi-obligated to show then here is a verse for you to clean my dick after you sucked it with"

    The only problem is you can't get away with that that deep intoa tournament
    The flow was shakey at first
    and lazy at the end... the entirety of the piece was rushed. I mean you even say in the piece you should be working on your thesis rather than giving us a dope verse, which is basically what you did

    all in all, you didnt even battle yourself here
    just wasted some rhymes

    Dunno -- very cliche way to approach the topic as the genre is rap and the whole 'flow' metaphor is overused. you went a step beyond and you are drowning in your flow because you are so ill
    which is cool and a little fresher then what would be expected from a normal textcee.....I must say I liked last rounds verse better, you were wrong about that

    but the ending on this one was tighter.....depends on how you grade
    no matter, dunno demolished this
    sorry tal, think this is my first vote against u...
    [/hide]
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  9. RIKOSHAY

    RIKOSHAY New Member

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    I Dunnno Wins!
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