19. nah son (0-0) vs. 20. Resolute God (0-0)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Quriosity, Oct 8, 2007.

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  1. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    [​IMG]

    The New RSTL Rules and Regulations

    VERSES DUE: Thursday 11:59pm PST. NO RECYCLING.

    Verses posted after the deadline will not count! UNLESS you post your verse before mods close threads (for some odd reason), and your opponent agrees to let your verse stand.

    VOTES DUE: Sunday 8 PM PST. 4 votes for per participant, POST LINKS in your match. Each link not posted will result in a 1 vote deduction up to 4 votes obviously.

    *Votes posted after deadline will not count in a tie or a close match, thus possibly resulting in a loss. GET YOUR VOTES IN.
    You are also required to vote on the Championship, and Contendership match which will be included in your 4 votes.

    If you are not in the league you cannot vote, unless you are an ex champion. Ex champions must vote on a minimum of 4 battles for their votes to count.

    *Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.

    *Verses MUST incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.

    *Anyone who does not post at least 4 lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.

    *During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.

    *Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a no-show.

    * EXTENSIONS will be granted on a case by case basis.

    *If your opponent no shows you will still be held accountable for posting TWO VOTES.

    *Votes must at least be 2 lines in length for each verse.

    NO SHOWS WILL COUNT AS A LOSS.

    Lastly: Moderators have FINAL say over all situations that arise.

    test
  2. nah son

    nah son the hundredaire

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  3. Resolute God

    Resolute God Kingdom Come, You Ready?

    Joined:
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    “So what do you want to be when you grow up, son?”
    “Man, I wanna be a WAPPER!”



    I was never the man I endeavoured to be,
    For I hid my head in the sand...
    ...Whenever the heat got the better of me.
    At school I conformed to the wole of bespectacled geek,
    A petulant, weak, jobsworth...
    ...with fweckles that teemed and peppered my cheeks.
    Classmates leapt fwom their seats, as I stepped up to speak ..
    .. And would find it amusing how this impwediment affwected my speech.
    I questioned the teachers to find if all I was destined to weach...
    ...was a lifetime of "Sorry Ma'am, could I pwease check your weceipt?"
    See, they would gesture and tease me,
    'Til it possessed me completely...
    ...And the west of my measly sum,
    Was left in the deepest depths of conceit.
    But I kept the belief that festered in me of letting them see,
    One day I'd be the wapper I was always destined to be...


    “Don’t make me have to pop a cap in yo’ ass again, mom!”
    “Oh, dear, you don’t want to be some fickle-minded gangster type… You’re mommy’s magic little boy, and that’s sweet…”




    She’d tell me “You're my Penn and my Teller, minus the magic.
    The crowd would like you to have it...
    ...but you're the empty hat deprived of its rabbit.
    You know every trick in the book, but wont admit that you're stuck...
    ...and there's no magic wand you can wave to right what has happened.
    See as hard as it seems, not being able to stand in and help...
    ...One day you'll take the cards up your sleeve, and play the hand you've been dealt.
    And I understand its confusing, for you to have to perceive...
    ...when your family's in need, and you're unable to "Alakazam!" a solution.
    The sudden loss of your Father almost sawed your old lady in two,
    And its only with the faith she placed within you that she's making it through.
    See, you're her Penn and her Teller,
    In your eyes are the magic.
    And she smiles while rising her glasses to dry her eyes on the fabric.
    Watching you take the stage fills her beating heart with a rather sudden bliss,
    So face the crowd, and take a bow,


    Heaven knows its what your Father would have wished.”


    “… and it’s at that point I met you, Sarah, and you changed my life forever.
    For better or worse…”




    I can't make a house a home,
    Sleeping on this couch alone...
    ...Counting the days since your rousing tone last poured down the phone.
    And if these walls had ears, I'd tell them how your scathing grip is torture ..
    .. 'Cos since you flew our love-nest -
    It's become no more than bricks and mortar...
    Gone are the memories caught, in photographs of our past...
    ...that captured the laughter, and the past endeavours we fought.
    Bitch.
    You left me without so much as a shred of remorse,
    Just an empty savings-account, and the prospect of a dreaded divorce.
    I was never quick to admit it,
    But I missed our beginning.
    The seemingly endless search for all the fixtures and fittings...
    ...that once decorated the rooms, a vile hate has consumed.
    Our humble abode became my hell,
    Once vacated of you.
    And I cant make this house a home while sleeping on the couch alone,
    Counting the days since your rousing tone last poured down the phone...

    And after all the bitter pain and anguish,
    That stained my canvas.
    Life’s various sullen strokes that would paint me stranded.
    After all of the welts and pain,
    I’ve felt to date,
    I’ve come to realise the many faces of evil,
    Are the countless insecurities I’ve never brought myself to face.
    .
    .
    .

    Peace.​
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  4. HellRzah

    HellRzah PurE EviL

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  5. nah son

    nah son the hundredaire

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  6. nah son

    nah son the hundredaire

    Joined:
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    ... madison square ...
    $21.50 read Allisons fare.
    the malice is fare, when allison glares,
    she becomes the ravenous heir,
    to her mothers past,
    of a multiple lover clash,
    where bodies were burried and the mothers cover crashed
    into a spiralling hell, see the decepetion is
    she wasn't just a lawyers receptionist.
    a plethora of men, who ended up deceased
    authorities called it the black widow disease.
    she would meet men, marry and kill them,
    -wedding vowels-
    "til death do us part", she would always fulfill them


    but anyways.. back to the daughter, who in many ways
    was just like her mother, you could tell at any stage,
    the many days, where Allison studied her mother
    even at age 6, she had already bloodied her brother
    now she's 23, and has never been married..
    sit tight, while I expose the part that is scary
    she's 10x worse than her mother ever was
    and I wonder whether it's because of the severed love
    or how she had so many fathers she was never hugged
    one of many things that on many nights kept her up

    now as she stands in the madison squares crowd
    she can hear the band playing inside, the snares loud
    see, she's just scouting for victim number 8
    there's a potential candidate by the other gate
    she makes her way over, flips her hair
    her prey is amazed, he just sits and stares
    "I'm Christa", which was one of her fake names
    he wipes his sweaty palms and replies "I'm Blake James"
    then the exchange, her number for his life
    no pussy in the fucking world is worth this strife


    two days later he calls, she says "what took you so long"
    "well my mom was sick, blah blah, so forth and so on..
    they meet at starbucks, each order a caramel frapuccino
    then go inside a hole in the wall, for some craps and bingo
    they continue to laugh and mingle,
    then she leaves abrubtly, she says she has to tinkle,
    walks in the womans room, looks at her reflection
    tried to put her killer face on, but to no detection
    see, she's really enjoying james, and starting to like him
    she knew she had to lose these feelings before the nights end

    so they go to a hotel, where she usually murdered her men
    trying to fight the feelings that went further for him
    he holds her tight, the hug she's never felt
    better than any fathers ever held
    she pushes him off even though she enjoyed it
    runs to the bathroom and vomits in the toilet
    goes back out and they kiss, then she ties him up
    unknown is her intention, and he wont wisen up
    he's now tied, she pulls out her box cutter
    then starts to flashback to her lost mother
    his cries... she cares.. she screams FUCK
    looks in his eyes, he tries to lean up
    puts the razor to his neck, applies pressure
    trying to block out, that his lifes precious
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    for the first time, she spares a mans life
    apologizes and jokes, she's had a bad night
    he holds her tight, they're both full of tears
    but the hug slowly dulled his fear
    .
    .
    that's when she cut his neck and sliced his artery
    she mumbled "damn that took every part of me"

    .... he just never saw it coming .... ​




    pce
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  7. Trybz

    Trybz New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2002
    Messages:
    80
    ressy: storyline was nice, pretty simplistic ending, I really thought as the story progressed there would be a complex ending, or twist. But no, just simply his insecurities. flow was okay, not flawless, vocab was very nice, mechanics were pretty good too.


    nassy: storyline was sick. I think I seen a movie like this on lifetime, but never one incorporated with the daughter following the footsteps of the mother. the flow was cool, not too bad at all. the vocab was pretty simplistic, the mechanics weren't bad at all either.

    v/nahson, he had a more creative piece
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  8. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 1999
    Messages:
    5,954
    Vote: Resolute God

    God damn this was a good battle... came down to PERFECT MECHANICS vs DOPE story. IN the end I had to vote for the better writer here, with the better piece overall. The way I grade pieces in my head, usually comes down to

    Is the piece written well? (rhyming, flow, mechanics, grammar, etc etc).
    Is the intended storyline executed well? (clear introduction, conflict, climax, you know all the shit you learned in English class)

    Where it becomes difficult to gauge is when a battle like this pops up, and a writer out does himself perhaps, and executes the story better than he writes it... In he end though I have to choose which I enjoyed most overall. Resolute's piece was just written way too well for me to overlook it's mastery, use of language, and incredible rhyming and flow. nah son's story was sick though, the conflict the girl struggled with in the end, and then ultimately succumbing to her addiction to kill was a cool snippet, couldn't help but to feel sorry for that dude.

    Tough battle to vote on and I think it'll probably go down to the write as people vote on what they enjoyed reading the most.
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  9. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
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    13,681
    Probably the battle of the week...

    Baron/Rezzy - When I read this verse earlier in the week I was like...eh...this didn't work for me, the mechanics were spot on and just everything about the piece was good, but the story just didn't work for me. Maybe it went over my head, but the progression just didn't work for me, although it's creative as fuck to write as if you had a speach impediment in the first verse.

    Nah Son - This really worked for me, the story built the character up perfectly, you gave insight into this girl and why she does what she does, you showed a sign of weakness as she starts getting to close to people, but then her killing him is the prefect end to a great story, throughout the flow was spot on and I really enjoyed this.

    It really will all come down to preference.

    For me

    vote = Nahson
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  10. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

    wow i didn't even peep this battle

    THIS BATTLE IS THE BATTLE OF THE WEEK!

    i cant believe this shit outshined Vern vs DAD

    WOW.

    i'll be back to vote this up.
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  11. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    908
    Resolute God: this piece. wow. just very interesting idea. your language and use of diction in the beginning really made me just amazed. such a strong use of language and command of your topic. straight job with everything else. its always so tough to vote on a battle where you have two writers with such a good grasp of their styles. you definitely brought it.

    nah son: you came with a great story, and the twist near the end, as stated above, was really good to throw in there. overall, i really think your piece was nicely put together, and you thought about that twist and set it up well. the mechanics in this for me were just off slightly. the flow got off in one or two places, rhyme forced mostly. but still, very above average.

    Vote: Resolute God...because this shit was just captivating and overall came off more smoothly to me.
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  12. Resolute God

    Resolute God Kingdom Come, You Ready?

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    34
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  13. LokStok

    LokStok Fuck that LokStrok cunt

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    I voted Resolute .. then nah son got all pissy .. and managed to bitch so much that my vote was discounted ..

    never mind .. my winner of this is still gonna take it atleast 5-2 ..

    which erm .. surely means that the 2 voters for nah son are dickriding cock munchers? ..
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  14. Vern Acular

    Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    5,344
    :: RESOLUTE GOD ::


    ok first let me say, what topic did you use the only one i could even consider was the never ending story, next time please list your topic cause when i vote i vote off how well you stuck to topic, if the topic is there, i must've missed it, none the less, very well written, some minor flaws in the rhyme scheme and some of your slant rhyme was off but it didn't really effect you, the first stanza was great i liked it, lol you said "sorry ma'am" dont you mean "sawy ma'am"...j/k being picky, any way the whole quote thing was good but i honestly didn't undestand the direction you were going, 2nd and 3rd stanza were good but after i read the first one i was expecting for more character progression, was each verse about the same person?...either way your mechanics were good, flow was above average and i wasn't dis-satisfied at the end, i just feel i was cut short, all in all this was a nice read


    :: NAH-SON ::

    stayed on topic very well, i guess he didn't see it coming, horny lonely men normally dont until it's too late, especially when you have a sadistic female who's influence in life was her psychopathic mom <----that's what i like character development i knew the people in the story, but just a little bit, although your verse had some nice imagery and good character detailing it seemed very abrubt to me, this was a nice read as far as suspense and the end was good, a lillt cliched, but hey this is what the reader and todays society like a little dose of tragedy, cant end on a positive note wiith this type of story, things you should work on is your flow and rhyme scheme, it was very simplistic, you use imagery to your advantage, i could see her running and throwing up in the bathroom, nice job, just work on your mechanics a little more and you'll be at the top in no time


    :: OVERALL ::

    wow this is a hard battle to vote on, on one end i have a verse that was a smooth read with some nice imagery, good character development, and fit the topic well, on the other side we got what seems like a book of short stories, very well written in regards to flow rhyme scheme vocab, etc....where one lacked the other shined, very hard decision but im going with RESOLUTE GOD, just a more polished verse, nah son had a good verse but it was cliche and had a simplistic writing style, not to take anything away from either writer, both shined in their own style, props to both​
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  15. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    lol at posting your credentials
    who cares if you're net famous? you're still freeposting and worthlessly bitching about a vote that's already been discredited, just let the shit go


    one more irrelavant post from either of you and action will be taken, so chill and let the voting commence, cos prowlers archives or not, we're the mods and you cats are the participants, meaning we call the shots and you dont, and the shot has already been called

    dead.


    3-2 Resolute God
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  16. Quriosity

    Quriosity Moderator

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    i wouldnt say this was the battle of the week, but a pretty good match up

    resolute, your flow was somewhat solid for the most part, ofcourse there are always places that could have read better to the reader because each reader has the ability to detect a different flow, either way --for the most part it was solid, the actual story in itself could have been better to me, or better executed, howver it was still a pretty solid script, i enjoyed the first stanza and how you wrote as if you really had the speech impediment, also, i suppose i enjoyed the way you touched on his insecurities and then tied them together at the end, but at the same time, i felt this was your weakest point and had the flow between stanzas been a little smoother and correlated just a bit, you would have had an almost completely solid drop, but nevertheless --pretty dope stuff

    nah son, i wasnt too impressed, you started off pretty well but before the first stanza was even finished your flow would begin to fall off, it stayed [inconsistently] inconsistent throughout, also i enjoyed the ease in reading your verse and i had numerous ideas of where you could have taken the piece as i was reading it, but where you took it was actually a dissapointment to me, a better twist would have been if she spared his life and yet he killed her because he was in the same line of [profession] as she, nevertheless, i cant too much nitpick about your choice of closer, but i can say that it wasnt very surprising nor interesting which really ruined the impact of your verse, overall --it was a decent drop


    vote - resolute god
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  17. headless verseman

    headless verseman JERSEY NUCCUH

    Joined:
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    well, i read resolute gods piece, and while appreciated the mechanics, in comparison to nah son's piece, i just didnt enjoy it more. i literally wasnt interested in gods piece. i think his writing had something to do with that. i mean, okay story.

    but, nah son truely impressed me. stark writing, restrained, simple. DOPE above all else. the rhyme scheme moved along, and it was like a rapper speaking this story. i was engaged by the story he was telling, didnt stop reading at any points regardless of any mechanical or language use errors. thats what a good story will do. i wanted to know the ending like 1/4 through, so i just kept reading. i appreciated the strained style, and the ending had me going crazy, knowing that she wasnt going to let him go, but still hoping for her humanity's sake.

    great piece imo.

    vote Nah Son
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  18. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

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    Damn...

    Baron, you had a crazy flow as always. Still holding it down I see. Dope storyline to this piece, and I like how you ended it with a tie in to insecurities. Always been one of my favorite writers in the league and I just knew you had it locked up after reading your verse.

    Nah son, I dunno who you are but I wasn't expecting anything like this from you. I was drawn in from the beginning and loved the whole thing. I thought you were gonna cop out and go with a happy ending and when it twisted again at the end it really solidified it for me. Flow was crazy good too, multis, everything. You really brought it this week and impressed the fuck out of me.

    Tough vote, but I gotta give it to nah son.
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  19. J o o k

    J o o k Guest

    Tie.. Very good battle tikes.

    nah son (1-0)
    Resolute God (1-0)
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