15. Thereturn 10-3 Vs. 16. Ribonucleus 8-4

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by DiC GeTs GuLLy, Oct 17, 2006.

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  1. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Feb 26, 2005



    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Saturday, 11:59PM PST/2:59AM EST
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Monday, 11:59PM PST/2:59 EST
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • RECYCLING IS NOT STRICTLY PROHIBITED. You may not use any verse that you have previously used within the league at any time. Whether it was a no show, tournament verse recycled for the league or visa versa or any verse that have ever been used within the league perimeters.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    • If you do not show you can still vote and post the links in your match to receive full voting points. In addition, if you do not show, yet vote on at least 4 matches (Or, every match available, should there be less than 4 matches to vote on) you will remain in the league.
    • Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No second chance votes! Editing votes for any reason must be approved by mods and explained in reason for editing.
    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.

    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1015180
  2. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Aug 24, 2006
  3. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Aug 24, 2006
    She loves when she fucks me, I love when she loves me,
    When he hits her, she hugs me and this shit's getting ugly.
    And this here it bugs me, knowing after this there is nothing
    No kissing no touching, no whispers no cuddling...
    She walks out without goodbyes, no wishes or hugging.
    Always quick to make it home for a kiss from her hubby,
    Who's also been my best friend ever since we were druggies.

    They were meant to be lovely...

    At their wedding, I said they were meant to be something.
    She wasn't supposed to split and go running
    Coming to me crying with all her innocence crumbling,
    Asking for advice, and ever since we've been fucking.
    For Miss this is nothing,
    While I could lose a best friend, a man that can trust me.

    And I don't know if it's worth it, but you know what the worst is...
    Having to cope with the fact,
    That every word I spoke has been worthless...

    Everytime I shake his hand, I see that look in his eyes
    That genuine pride, unaware that I'm a crook in disguise,
    Or that I took in his bride.
    Every book that he buys, every hook that he lines
    He enjoys the life he lives, with every nook in his mind.
    How do you tell a man that you've known for so long
    That what you've known for so long,
    Just so happens to be the only thing wrong?
    That in a moment she's gone,
    And when that moment is gone, she's back home with her sons
    Hugging her husband, pretending that she's holding on strong.
    But rewind the motions along
    And moments before, she's fucking like it's over and done.
    Does he notice or not? Is their love hopelessly shot?
    Honestly, I hope that it's not, nah fuck it I KNOW that it's not
    He gives her what she needs, I just give the hoe what she wants.
    He's the provider, she just brought me on for the ride,
    I'm the one on the side, literally -- I'm just along for the ride.
    And it haunts me inside, a secret caused from a lie,
    This secret that could leave my best friend wantin' to die.

    But she don't want me to try....

    There was a knock at my door,
    On the verge of tears, she's saying she got socked to the floor.
    She had me feelin' sorry for sure
    Till she was naked in five minutes, grabbin' my cock within four.
    That's when I knew I had to put a stop to this whore,
    It's not what I'm for,
    She knows I'm his best friend, what's she jocking me for?
    Eight months of rockin', and now my conscience is sore.
    I got in my car, and started to make my way to his home
    Wondering how to break it to him without breaking his bones.
    It's taken its toll, I shouldn't have to say this alone
    Her ass should be here begging not to stay in the cold.
    Let's face it we're grown,
    So I knocked confidently, and tried to stay complacently so.
    He answered politely, quick to invite me inside
    A handshake and a smile, with no sign of fight in his eyes.
    I wanted to tell him, but was the duty rightfully mine?
    Shouldn't it be the wife to confide?

    I think it goes without saying, I didn't spill him the beans
    And his wife returned as normal, feeling at ease.
    Here I am four years later, still fulfilling her needs
    While this secret eats at my heart, creating this killing in me.

    Because you see...

    We keep secrets for protection,
    Thinking it's best if no one knows what's going on.
    But sometimes it's even worse if your conscience is the only one...

  4. Ribonuclease

    Ribonuclease New Member

    Jul 25, 2004
    In this, posting tonight, just sign me in as Ribo Nuke for now on if you can.
  5. Ribonuclease

    Ribonuclease New Member

    Jul 25, 2004
    If you take responsibility for yourself, you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.
    Les Brown

    lets pretend I was born today
    look at my sole a black hole.. skin torn away
    this is just a game I was forced to play
    a lion's tortured prey
    light in a gloomy sky the source of grey
    a morbid case of fortune orphaned towards a grave
    doin dirty work like swords and slaves
    Veteran - a shorter phrase of war depraved
    this is the age of darkness
    a place we embrace the heartless
    a righteous facade
    you die for a cause we blame ya carcus
    raped and starved
    see who can be chased the farthest
    so you either become famous or remain an artist
    a piece of art is the aftermath of a sheepish heart
    worn fingers play a bleeding harp at the preceding dark
    irony in the sight of a fleeing shark
    and supposedly I'm known to flee when the bleeding starts
    Thomas Edison saw the light in an amazing invention
    a soldier saw the light soon after training his henchmen
    a suicidal saw the light in hopes of evading the tension
    the fading depression dies slow
    a light glows while students are debating a lesson
    the tight rope feels walked upon
    a son with high hopes lost his mom
    recieved the news listening to Chaka Khan
    we all feel off and on - an awful song
    but a Knights the only piece gets to cross a pawn
    confrontation - its grown men shit
    most spend chips on a ho then split
    relationships - playing dominos with stone henge bricks
    six AM. The rooster cries instead of crows
    but who am I to set the tone of this suicidal metronome
    its do or die and heavens home,
    but proof denied is never shown
    playing dead to raise my head
    and see the bluest skies we've ever known.
    And THATS LIFE, so I'm blue in the face from a sour past
    George bush - doomed and disgraced when the towers crashed
    proven his fate as a coward
    but the news was mistaken as power
    life isn't a helping hand
    its a nuece in the shape of an hour glass
    so time passes, we reach for broken wine glasses
    to make a cheer to forsaken fear and divine masses
    I guess its my mistake I was made this way
    wide awake lookin for a game to play
    so despite the pain I will face the maze
    cuz the truth is as right as rain and as plain as day
  6. Ribonuclease

    Ribonuclease New Member

    Jul 25, 2004
    up for votes
  7. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

    Aug 19, 2000
    [hide]this one is tough...

    the return- i see this is open mic of the week. good shit.. your verse started off strong, in the middle of it u dragged out the concept of, the friend not knowing for hella long, and then the suspense leading to the confrontation, was dead, because nothing happened, making the closer really not stand out as much, and i could have written the same concept of your verse in 16 lines, and BUILT off of that concept and added a few more elements which would make it a better read... for example...

    how did your conscience EAT u through the years? Did it effect their relationship? Is it also cuz your character's a pussy for not even standing up to the guy for beating his wife? Did he EVER find out out?...

    i edited right here... because i accidentily hit the post button before i was finished with my critique and i also had to go back and these comments...

    now on to ribo...

    beautiful multisyylable action... you are mos definately the better writer between u and tha return... but maybe not as entertaining... reading your piece was cool though and i could see this being thrown down on a sick audio, and the crowd swaying to the words that were exhibited here... not in a commercial concert mind you... but a REAL hip hop show... yes i could see it... btw YES IM AN INTERNET ICON AND DONT U FORGET IT... HMMMM...

    after a couple of read throughs, i pick ribo as my winner...

    it came down to preffered reading style and what writing i feel could stand the test of time...

    i could see this going either way though...[/hide]
  8. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    May 3, 1999
    first i just wanna say i have great admiration for both of you... you 2 both came beautifully during this match.... so far this is one of top matches i red this week... i very much appreciated the readability from you ribo... and Thereturn... i love ur word patternizations.... makin it flow word with word on line for line.... it was just sweet..

    this match was all about mechanics and who can utilize it the best to make the content red more polished...

    definitely a difficult one to say.... to me i saw no flaws in both... it was just enjoyable.. ribo u have a way of putting no complex grammar in your verse.. and thats exactly how i wanna read it..... Thereturn... u just make the narration so easy with such natural conversation flowin esp with the rhymin...

    to me that's talent...

    oh brother...

    ur records dont mean nothing to me.... u 2 are great... i have nothin but props for u....

    sadly... i mus give one the win... and in this sense... i have to show to THERETURN....

    thanks for bringing something for me to look at[/hide]
  9. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Aug 24, 2006
    up, why only 2 votes
  10. MrMister

    MrMister Urizen

    Feb 6, 2003
    [HIDE]vote - Return

    Return - this was a nice piece the flow stayed constant through out the
    whole piece and it read away smooth
    but you kept repeating some lines this got irritating and you
    didnt really fix this in any other way but I still liked the story
    the ending was weird but in a way I can understand it but the dude is kinda
    weak to not be able to tell the bitch leave me alone but then again
    which man can say no to free pussy ... nice piece

    Ribon - I really wanted to read a piece from you cus I havent done so
    in awhile and was expecting sum real dope ... now not to say this was
    a bad piece but it just suck me in I liked the wordplay
    and you started it off real nice in the beginning but you kinda
    weakened as the story progressed but I did like
    how you stayed on topic and made every line count

    all in all this was a nice battle but I just felt that Return took this
    by giving me a actuall story with sum nice emotions in it [/HIDE]
  11. ConstantFlows

    ConstantFlows New Member

    Nov 10, 2001
    [hide]TheReturn -- Though I dont think the verse approaches the picture well, I can see the picture being a metaphor for the verse which is suitable, I suppose. Thats all the negativity I can lay on this verse, lol. The flow was tight, and the storyline was cool...and the ending lines topped off the fucking sickness to this verse. I was expecting a fucked up ending, but you honestly just kept it raw and it was done justice. Good verse

    Ribonukey -- oooooooooh wheeeeeeeeeeeeee god this shit is hard to decide on all of a sudden.... Another ill verse here. your flow was fucking fire, and the train of thought was borderling tangetal but still held by a thin thread. thats what sets this verse apart, on one hand it felt like it was led by the rhyme and just kinda topic to topic like a keystyle, on the other hand it was still together.

    in the end ribonucleus had a more asthetically pleasing verse but i felt like i was away from TheReturns verse with more. I have a feeling if Ribo had made his verse a little more clear he wouldve taken it[/hide]
  12. Lord Notik

    Lord Notik The Mind is a Scary Place

    Jun 20, 2004
    [hide]vote - TheReturn

    i liked his approach alot more basically...from the story to the way it ended had me wanting for more..very nice...Ribo seemed to have the skills to drop a live piece but i think he fell short...seemed like you forced this one man...i couldnt get into the verse at the start...i actually liked it towards the end and felt like it needed much more than was offered.[/hide]
  13. .Lola Cruez. II

    .Lola Cruez. II Speaking from my soul.

    Nov 21, 2005
    ................I really don't have time, my vote was bia's to the fullest..bleh, I'm tired.
  14. Shrug

    Shrug Street Poet

    Jan 31, 2005
    [hide] The Return -- This was written very smoothly and the flow of it was mad smooth. I think it was poetic because of how you'd repeat the previous line as an extension into the next sometimes. I also think the topic you talked about was real as fuck and you came at the situation in a very realistic fashion, as opposed to the topic you wrote to. very nicely done

    Ribonuclease - I really loved this, the flow was fucking smooth as lube and the one liners were hot as hell. I liekd how this unfolded sort of like a timeline with the evolution of events or characters. But I think what got you is that it was a bit unfocused, and because I have 10 minutes before deadline I have to end my vote here, but this was a REALLY close matchup
    maybe match of the week

    that i have to give to TheReturn[/hide]
  15. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Feb 26, 2005
    the return wins
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