15. TeKneeK 69-30 vs 16. Vigil 18-11

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Got Life?, May 29, 2006.

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  1. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

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    [​IMG]

    LINE LIMITS:
    No-shows = 4 lines.
    #21-DOWN = 24 lines.
    #11-20 = 36 lines.
    #3-#10 = 44 lines.
    #1-#2 = 62 lines.

    VERSES DUE:
    Friday 11:00pm PST/2:00am EST

    VOTES DUE:
    Sunday 10:00pm PST/1:00am EST

    TOPICS:
    Topics will be provided at the beginning of the week so that everyone has ample time to get involved.

    VOTING:
    You must vote on 4 matches and post URL's on your thread of matches u voted for.

    -You must use the HIDDEN VOTES UBB CODE to conceal your votes. Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count.

    - If you forget to hide your vote you must have one of the moderators hide your vote within an hour of it being cast and the vote will still count as long as no votes had been cast after your vote. Any vote that was editted by anyone other than a moderator will be deemed inadmissable.

    -Votes must be thoroughly explained without any form of biased details.

    -FORMER CHAMPS are allowed to vote for any match (but only 3 matches max).

    -Crew Votes are illegal.

    -1 vote is taken away for each vote you fail to do.

    -1 vote is taken away for each URL you fail to post on your thread.

    -If you win by NS and fail to vote, you do NOT get the win and remain where you are in ranks.

    -Tiebreakers will be determined by the Moderators when the week winds down.

    -Votes must dedicate at least 2 lines of break down for each verse. This means your sentence(s) must reach the end of the screen and wrap around twice, even if only one word is on the third line.

    ALTERNATES:
    If your opponent NO-SHOWS, and you posted a full verse you will be bumped up appropriately to face the next person in the brackets within your range. If no opponent is available such as if you were in the bottom 20 and the next up no show is in the top 10 then you will be given a win for your efforts. You must still vote on 4 matches accordingly as any failure to vote will result in no win and no progress in the ranks. The only event other than this in which you may take the no show win is if you only did post a no-show verse which consists of 4 rhyming lines.

    Topics:
    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=987920

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  2. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2005
    Messages:
    884
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  3. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    Joined:
    May 3, 1999
    Messages:
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    ur a nice guy -- i cant hate on u...

    so good luck.

    End of Story

    I knew a kid in my school, who was fat as a whale
    He was ugly and chunky and his armpits would smell
    Everytime Wilbur ran out to recess with kids
    He would scream out in laughter salivatin his spit
    Little Deena was a cutie that guys loved to have
    But when she ran out to play Wilbur danced in a spaz
    He was huffin and puffin on his way just to meet her
    But he was out of breath by the time he would greet her
    Little Deena would scream and ask the teacher for help
    “Get me far away from Will… he’s a fat patty melt”
    Wilbur leaned for her hand to get himself on one knee
    But he tripped and trampled over little Deena and squeeeeeeeezed…


    END… OF… STORY….


    (Ahem)

    Mrs. Teske had a bosom that was saggy and drooped
    She had to cup her tits constantly to keep em both scooped
    To make it seem she was normal while her skin withered soft
    She would clutch on her crotch everytime when she coughs
    And when the neighbors came to see her in her unsightly ways
    They took a hold of their nostrils and hurried away
    Thinkin how does sanitation let her be where she stayed
    To refuse to take her ass at the dumps to be laid
    So I wrote to city hall and complained out in anger
    Why society is threatened from a hag bringing danger
    Reeking smells of dead fish to make my gut feel queasy
    This problem I felt didn’t make my life easy
    See one day Mrs. Teske came over just to see me
    She said I was sexy and would verbally tease me
    Speakin sex innuendos with her gut on my tummy
    While her fat pudgy hands tried to touch me and rub me
    I screamed… went to getaway as fast to make speed
    But she said I was her slave and I’ll never be freed
    Till she squashed me… and blackness overcame me and then…

    I awoke to find myself draped in leather in bed…



    END OF STORRRRRY…

    One last thing, I had this girl on my cock
    Made me horny for some sperm while it was damp on my jock
    When she suddenly had croaked and then her voice turned to bass
    She put her anus all up on me smothered onto my face….

    And then she constipated….




    END OF STORY
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  4. Vigil

    Vigil Im infinite consciousness

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2005
    Messages:
    884
    The Me in Media


    I'm a watchdog under disguise hovering above the sky
    using my naked eye to find true color lies shoved aside by
    government spies who went undercover covering up ties.
    I've solved pi in the sky.
    But now I'm clueless and on the loose in a twist of events
    I thought I had it figured it out but I'm just another kid on the fence.
    The media's lies get under every inch of my skin
    creating gaps but I'm still willing to fill them in
    even shooting at point_____ range to kill the spin.
    My head is in a disposition, all I have is my craft
    I'm anger personified but half as mad
    senseless like kids who carry the nine but can't calculate the aftermath.
    And I'm riding a cold drift in a pole shift as my soul lifts
    above top secret using a forklift making the world split.
    I analyze from a high horse and I pay the price
    but at least I'm not being paralyzed by their pair of lies.
    They say I'm a conspiracy theorist with a whole lotta will
    but I'm more like a rebuilder of truth working on the bottom of the hill
    filling the holes in their stories, the same ones they tell me I gotta drill.
    They say the truth is too strange while I walk with pockets full of loose change.
    But this isn't about 'them'...NO! This is about me
    and you fucking know everytime I rhyme I make sense
    cause I never tuck my words under blanket statements.
    Lately, while I've been searching for truth I've been sidetracked
    and every carpool has drained its water so I don't have a ride back.
    I'm stuck in drug traffic, trying to cope with being on die mode
    changing lanes with speed, dope and coke on the high road.
    I'm an anarchist, I'll never get boxed in or shown the ropes
    I'll connect the dots like morris code then blow the smoke
    and I'll overdose or overload before I ever sing their chorus note.
    You might find dirt on me when my time is up
    but that's cuz I'm afraid to bite the dust so I guess its right I rust.
    Truth is I'm nothing more than a loose screw in this spider web
    a dragon fly among a group of fighter jets trying to find my step.
    I'll be fighting arrest in protests, its no contest when I'm writing to express
    cuz I'm THE FUCKING ME IN MEDIA, cnn & everything else is the ex press.


    I am in earnest; I will not equivocate; I will not excuse; I will not retreat a single inch; and I will be heard.
    - William Lloyd Garrison
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  5. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    Joined:
    May 3, 1999
    Messages:
    27,822
    time check
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  6. HellRzah

    HellRzah PurE EviL

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2001
    Messages:
    8,824
    [hide]this was a very close battle I must say..wasn't easy to vote on but here it goes:

    Tekneek: Ill and funny verse..consistent flow and a good use of vocabulary..I liked the story but I felt you could of done a lil better there..nonetheless nice rhyming homie

    best lines:
    "Little Deena would scream and ask the teacher for help
    “Get me far away from Will… he’s a fat patty melt”"

    "Mrs. Teske had a bosom that was saggy and drooped
    She had to cup her tits constantly to keep em both scooped"

    points: 79/100

    Vigil: very nice rhymin: very nice flow and a story consistent to the topic (original topic btw)..I like the way you describe "The ME in MEdia"..nice work dunn..good ish

    best lines:
    "I analyze from a high horse and I pay the price
    but at least I'm not being paralyzed by their pair of lies.
    They say I'm a conspiracy theorist with a whole lotta will
    but I'm more like a rebuilder of truth working on the bottom of the hill
    filling the holes in their stories, the same ones they tell me I gotta drill.
    They say the truth is too strange while I walk with pockets full of loose change.
    But this isn't about 'them'...NO! This is about me
    and you fucking know everytime I rhyme I make sense
    cause I never tuck my words under blanket statements."

    points: 82/100

    vote= Vigil (just by a hair tho')

    pz![/hide]
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  7. Sakim Aerias

    Sakim Aerias Sunset Cradling Prince

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2005
    Messages:
    5,176
    [hide] Ahh Good battle but I gotta say it wasn't as good as I thought it would be...but here's a BD of my vote...

    Tekneek-Gotta say I just wasn't feelin the multiple stories...at first until it all tied within towards the end and I started to get it more...and yeh I've seen better from you but you held it enough to a above-average approach:

    "He would scream out in laughter salivatin his spit
    Little Deena was a cutie that guys loved to have
    But when she ran out to play Wilbur danced in a spaz
    He was huffin and puffin on his way just to meet her
    But he was out of breath by the time he would greet her
    Little Deena would scream and ask the teacher for help
    “Get me far away from Will… he’s a fat patty melt”


    You made the jump here and thats what got it goin for ya...I had to re-check though

    Vigil- Nice approach...almost eminem like with the whole I'm the fucking me in media...never slid away from your pride i your verse...I feel where this direction headed...it ignited a good alarm type sense in your verse in other words...you had the courage to write about something so simple and turn into something powerful
    that made it worth while

    "Truth is I'm nothing more than a loose screw in this spider web
    a dragon fly among a group of fighter jets trying to find my step.
    I'll be fighting arrest in protests, its no contest when I'm writing to express
    cuz I'm THE FUCKING ME IN MEDIA, cnn & everything else is the ex press."

    Ya did it.....

    That's how it goes...and Vigil gets my vote even though tek did stay consistent with the flow

    Vote-Vigil[/hide]
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  8. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    [hide]

    Tek you tried to do way to much with this piece...I think in the end that's what really ended up costing you...outside of that it was a not bad written piece that I wish I could give you more critique on, but you know the situation with my net right now...

    Vigil...so this wasn't a bad piece at all...i've seen a lot better from you, but for what it was you stayed consistant with what you've been doing in the past and I enjoyed the read...i'll give you more feed in the mag...

    vote = Vigil

    [/hide]
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  9. UneekTestimony

    UneekTestimony New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2003
    Messages:
    8,857
    [hide]TeKneeK-This was uh, different in every way imaginable. It's like you attempted humor with a hint of sincerity, but I didn't think it was funny at all nor did I find it touching. This type of writing doesn't fit you at all. I respect you for your diverse writing ability, but this was really on some Dic type shit, not a Tekneek verse. I don't care what everyone else says about you, but I like the old Tekneek. This piece this week didn't do it for me. At all. Sorry man.

    Vigil-This was interesting simply because it kept me interesting. It was pretty much self-explanatory. You're the YOU in media with emphasis and you're basically ranting and raving about it for over 20 lines. I liked it though. This was a topical, but you used a lot of figurative language for a topical (pockets of loose change, kid on the fence, spider web, dragon fly, etc). I see you've worked on your rhyming and it's A LOT BETTER, BUT you still need to work on smooth transitions. They were very choppy. One minute it was too smooth, then you jumped into a new rhyme scheme before we ended the last one. Overall, the message was felt. Simply put.

    Overall, this battle was basically based on the writer being felt. There was nothing powerful and memorable. Just a show of writing ability. And I think Vigil won in that aspect.

    v/Vigil[/hide]
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  10. Julius Caesar

    Julius Caesar Born with Pain

    Joined:
    May 14, 2006
    Messages:
    152
    [hide]
    TekneeK- Lol. I think you didn't try in this match, this verse seem like a typo. Ok w/e. Your verse was average, I felt the Imaginary. Well you didn't stayed consistent, didn't give the story more details in all 3 stories. No Emotion what so ever cause I didn't feel each characer feelings, just the fact they were fat and they stink. I'm not going to break down this verse any more.

    Virgil- Pretty predictable if you asked me. This was a good verse, your wording was very top notch and I'm impressed...
    Dopeness. The way you view pointed as being the news was very clever, very creative. I could feel your character emotions, his/her anger. You stayed consistent, didin't trail off one bit.

    V/ Vigil. His verse was very creative and clever and I like that as a writer and a reader.
    [/hide]
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  11. Dicnyaeye

    Dicnyaeye N CuM oN Ya BrAiN

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    251
    [HIDE]
    Tek, this is a different type of narration that I've seen from you and I can appreciate the way you did this. The flow wasn't muc really, but I've never seen you as a flow specialist so I wasn't really looking for that anyway. The narration was comical and kept some nice funny sections that got a giggle or two outta me. Haven't seen any othet person, but me write funny shit so that made it more enjoyable for me too. The old stanky lady tryna molest you was nasty and the girl farted on your face was twisted too. I liked this overall. Cool shit man

    Vigil, this was very direct, which I've always liked in narratives. The flow kept going as topical opened and that was nice too. Your wit as a battler is usually evident as it is in this whith lines of wordplay and tact, but still direct with your approach. The content itself wasnt that appealing to me. It covered a lot seemingly, but didn't really pull me in to want to read outside of the flow and wit, which I mentioned were cool. Your point of view was well displayed though with the topic you chose to roll with and it came together cool.

    This is a hard battle to rate.... Tek had a more interesting approach with more entertaining subjects, but Vigil had the better flow and more witty sequences that displayed his point of view better......

    Vote vigil, for the more complete verse

    [/HIDE]
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  12. idolz

    idolz New Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    8,171
    [hide]
    Tek, honestly what was that all about?If that was an attempt at humor it didnt humor me. Your a great story teller but this verse(s) did nothing for me. I dont like to bash people, cuz i show love to everybody, but this was not your best. Vigil you had alot of nice wordplay and witty lines throughout your verse which made it enjoyable.

    but I'm more like a rebuilder of truth working on the bottom of the hill
    filling the holes in their stories, the same ones they tell me I gotta drill.

    I liked that and other lines as well. This was an enjoyable verse. I think you did a pretty good job. SO you get my vote.

    -vigil

    [/hide]
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  13. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    27,822
    im singin out... u got this..

    vigil 19-11


    pz
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