#1 Contendership!!!! 3. TheReturn 13-3 vs. 4. Ribonuclease 10-5

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Insanevillian, Nov 7, 2006.

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  1. Insanevillian

    Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE

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    [​IMG]


    RSTL RULES AND REGULATIONS

    RULES AND REGULATIONS - THERE'S SOME NEW SHIT SO CLICK AND READ


    The Standard League Rules will still be Enforced

    Due Dates

    VERSES DUE: Saturday, 11:59PM PST/2:59AM EST
    Verses posted after the deadline will not count!

    VOTES DUE Monday, 11:59PM PST/2:59 EST
    Votes posted after the deadline will not count!

    • Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.
    • Verses must incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.
    • Anyone who does not post at least 4 rap lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.
    • RECYCLING IS NOT STRICTLY PROHIBITED. You may not use any verse that you have previously used within the league at any time. Whether it was a no show, tournament verse recycled for the league or visa versa or any verse that have ever been used within the league perimeters.
    • During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.
    • Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a “show” but will not result in a match. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent posts between 16-64, you will lose the match but you will remain in the league. If you post 4-15 lines, and your opponent does not show, you will “Win by no-show”.

    Voting:
    • If you do not show you can still vote and post the links in your match to receive full voting points. In addition, if you do not show, yet vote on at least 4 matches (Or, every match available, should there be less than 4 matches to vote on) you will remain in the league.
    • Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count towards the match or towards your vote requirements.
    • No second chance votes! Editing votes for any reason must be approved by mods and explained in reason for editing.
    • No bias votes! If you have a personal investment in wanting someone to lose, whether because that member voted against you once, or you just don’t like that person, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match. If have a personal investment in wanting someone to win, whether because they’re crew member, or because you want to face that person in the next week’s brackets, whatever the reason, do not vote in the match.
    • ”Bias” must be confirmed by a Moderator.
    • If there is a match which you will not be able to vote on, due to “Bias” of any type, state so within your match prior to Verses Due Deadline. If this reduces the number of matches available for you to vote on to the point where you are unable to vote on at least 4 matches, the point scale will be adjusted according to how many matches you do vote on.
    • 3-ways are inevitable. In order to provide a tie-breaker in a 3-way, you are now required to indicate in what order the contestants finished (1st, 2nd, 3rd).
      anyone who does not show or vote is suspended one week and must sign-in again to be inserted the following week.



    Topics: http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=1018724
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  2. Ribonuclease

    Ribonuclease New Member

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    good luck homie
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  3. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
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  4. TheReturn

    TheReturn Life of the Party

    Joined:
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    [​IMG]

    "The Blackest Thoughts"


    We've changed the way we live, we've changed the way we fought
    Once proud to be Americans, now we've changed the way we thought.
    Let's rewind the hands of time, and see the grandeurs of our past
    As harsh truths of our world through the sands of an hourglass.


    The church is growing tough...
    It's the fifth century after Christ and the time for Rome is up.
    It might seem so abrupt,
    Cause Christianity ain't insanity according to most of us,
    But it made life for the Romans rough.
    Take my example of the way things worked:
    Everything was okay at first,
    When they embraced the words of Christ
    And worshipped him in the place of church.
    Many Romans found God and gave up their hateful surge
    Yet were forced to fight in an army as war began to take its turn.
    That's why today we learn from past events,
    That the Roman's died from bad defense
    Against Christian morals infiltrating the army's brashest men.
    Cause the tragic end,
    Wasn't caused by barbaric tribes crashin' in.
    You just can't defend a country with an army full of pacifists...

    I haven't been to church in years...
    A corrupt institution, built on a foundation of dirt and tears.
    The hurt is here, skyrocketed to the forefront by the worst of fears:
    ETERNAL DAMNATION!
    For those that have cursed their peers.
    It surely is fate,
    That when our hearse is near
    We quickly repent, to secure a seat within the pearliest gates.
    Much like the girly King James,
    A homosexual "queen of a king", that flirted with gays
    Yet preached the word of God,
    And even translated it to its version today.
    That's why it hurts to me say that God's word is a shame.
    But honestly, imagine yourself as the opposition.
    How can we believe that it's not fictitious?
    When it's coming from the epitome of contradiction,
    In the form of a homosexual preaching God's rendition...

    And you know it's true...
    When in Rome, we shall do as the Romans do.
    But this ain't Italy, I'm trying to bring it close to you,
    Show you that a rougher end is overdue,
    That we ain't safe until our animal instincts have broken through.
    When we go to war, we gotta show the proof
    Torture, killing, punishment...
    That's the only way we're bringing home the troops.
    And I know it's hopeless too, that's why I'm sick of this...
    You people put the protest in Protestant, with no idea what religion is.
    How can we settle differences,
    If people preach the scripture, then act against what a Christian is?
    Keep attacking the government until the system ends,
    Keep being the critic's friends,
    But beware! You won't expect what you'll be witnessin'
    When our nation falls, ending the greatest place you've all been livin' in.

    We can't build a future on a foundation of past accomplishments,
    But of course We the People are too arrogant to acknowledge this.
    When the time of crisis comes and we're sitting so defenseless,
    Don't crumble under the pressure of a bundle of broken wishes.

    A government is only as strong as its people...

    So turn back the hands of time and go formulate your own opinions
    Cause we can only blame ourselves when our nation's hopes diminish...


    .
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  5. Ribonuclease

    Ribonuclease New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2004
    Messages:
    1,047
    My Teyeme Has Come

    [​IMG]

    We as humans, are designed to fail
    a train made to ride the rails
    made from planks of wood, spikes and nails.
    When people say you could die tomorrow
    I laugh it off, fuck livin a life of sorrow
    I'd like to say I'd die today
    but have trouble actin like my time was borrowed
    Teeth chatter, knees weaken..
    free speach recieved to defeat my weak evenings
    Repeat my day to day work to feed demons
    tryin to need reasons to live with this cheap grievance
    I had days of fuckin floozies.. boozin in my prime
    it was suitable but ludacris no human is divine
    I walked a tight rope with a beast chewin on the line
    the truth is in my mind - in a beautiful design
    days of hood rats -
    can't look back the doctor says theres a tumor in my spine

    I'm losin hair now - morphine is keepin me sane
    depletin the pain....
    easin my brain..
    this seems inhumane, seekin Jesus needin to pray
    but fuck that- I'm bald - not a human -
    just an evil display that's seepin away
    my family weeps as I bleed and decay
    I'm not dead yet - just hangin on with a child's grip
    my mom and my dad by my colostomy bags - where my bile drips
    next to that my food tube - with water in a mild mix
    bleeding on the floor, they can tell by the way the tile sticks
    I don't need my family exposed to temper tantrums
    but they said its just a growth I was copin with my chances
    cancer spreads, but not as fast as the globe and its advancements
    but my hope had been abondonded
    like Moses after he wrote the Ten Commandments.

    My mother - a wonderful woman, wouldn't wanna hurt the gal
    she let this little human crawl out of her birth canal
    and dad always stuck with her, like "she's worth it pal"
    we finally talked for once - that was where we agreed
    that no fucking parents should ever have to bury their seed
    he wouldn't let me die - as if it was his decision to make
    and for once in his life he'd be given a break
    "just let me go pops, for my sickeness's sake"
    still the fellas waitin for celebrations with ribbons and cake
    so to dad and mom.. I'm sayin goodbye
    and to other friends I've attained in my life
    for every instance - theres a place and a time
    but in this situation I'm just waitin to die.
    They sit next to me with flowers "You need to fight the fear"
    but in my eyes are tears, and hurt that shows my time is near
    I don't need to explain my rights and wrongs to peasants
    sing the righteous songs of heaven
    but will this fight prolong the present?
    to the pad I write this on - even despite the longest lessons
    we'd all like to love acceptance
    never saw the essance of the time -
    but in death I learned that time is of the essance.
    test
  6. Dreamcaster

    Dreamcaster Welcome to My Mind

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2006
    Messages:
    83
    [HIDE]
    Thereturn
    The subject you went is one I've seen a lot of, but the way you made your points were good. Religion, hypocrits and politics go hand and hand ann they seem to be interchangeable in most countries. Politics is formed by religious beliefs and then lies to push that and gain support. In some places, I was really liking the way this read with the flow and words used. Other spots seemed kind of routine and ordinary. Put together nicely for the topic you chose to expand on.

    Ribonucleus
    Using the same topic, I thought that picture was cool and would be used a lot. That's why I didn't choose it, but you two having the same topic makes this interesting. You took a more personal build on a character, while return did an overall view of society. I liked how this was done and the tone you gave it, made the verse fall together good too. Time ticking away as you wait to die from cancer is interesting, would of liked to read descriptions of the pain the cancer caused and the treatments.


    I liked both of these in a lot of the same ways. Your flows were pretty equal, Thereturn maybe slightly edged that with some nice word choices. The way you both used your topic was the factor here and I felt that Ribo had a more interesting thought process to voice.

    Vote Ribonucleus

    [/HIDE]
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  7. HellRzah

    HellRzah PurE EviL

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2001
    Messages:
    8,824
    [hide]return:

    Intro was nice as fuck..flow was very good..content was off the hook..I really like the way you approach ya topics...felt ya piece from top to bottom...nothin else to say: good contendership verse...keep writing

    points:
    90/100

    ribo:

    very deep and emotional/aggresive piece..loved that..flow and vocab on point..very good contendership match verse this was a though match to vote on...keep writing bruah

    points:
    86/100

    close match but my vote goes to TheReturn[/hide]
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  8. Mr. Mynd

    Mr. Mynd The British Guy

    Joined:
    May 11, 2004
    Messages:
    602
    [hide]This was agreat matchup man, you're both pretrty easily matched as far as style goes. This was a hella good read this week...

    Return - Im loving the pic you went for, I thoiught that was sick, I was toying with using it myself but thought it would be overdone this week. Regardless, you came good here man, SICK verse! Thye wholke way through the scheme was on point, the flow was smooth for the most part, pulled in the reader, your word choice and the pieces overall transitions were neatly executed. Solid drop overall. Very polished here my man. Very well done indeed!

    Ribo - You made this a lkot more difficult than I expected the match to be to be honest. Before this, I think all id read from you was that assassin drop- so I only had that to compare you to and this was also fairly dope in parts. You match Return so far as the multi strings and schemes go, but you dont seem AS polished with it just yet bro. You have it there, but in areas it gets the better of you. And that came come off as slightly off to be honest. Its not a major thing, just every so often. And that breaks the fluidity of the piece for the reader at times. Also, while I feel you probably did the better to that picture here, I couldnt help but feel Return's was the better written here. It was more polished, had the sheen, had the minor wrinkles ironed out, and whilke I dont feel this was a blowout by any means- I feel he'll end up taking this one fairly comfortably. He was just the better writer overall this week man, but mad props to you for giving him a run for his money. You're actually pretty good at this, you surprised me, just work out those minor kinks and you'll be a force tpo be reckoned with in the RSTL. Straight up.

    Vote - The Return[/hide]
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  9. Got Life?

    Got Life? Resident Megalomaniac

    Joined:
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    13,681
    looking in...might do a mag article.
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  10. SacriFICE

    SacriFICE TRUspeak

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    5,954
    [hide]
    Jesus fucking... christ..., this is a bitch to vote on.

    TheReturn: One of the illest pieces I've ever read on here. You took this topic and flipped so dopely. So many ill one-liners compiled into a piece full of so much substance, it's hard to pick a favorite part... Anyway, everything was ill in this... flow was probably the lacking aspect to me because I felt it was choppy in some parts, but thats all good and gravy... rhyming ill, conceptually crafted dopely... yeah... fresh.

    Ribonuclease: This is tough for me to vote on because you came so damn fresh... Flow was non stop illness and the rhyme schemes were dope. The story progressed nicely, topic was executed to near perfection. My only qualm is some of the word choices... however, I don't like commenting on other writer's word choices unless it's just a blatant idiotic word to use, and in your case, while some of them could have maybe been improved, everything made sense and everything was on point as far the scheme... So yeah...

    Vote: TheReturn - Alright, I feel TheReturn took this for a couple reasons... and I had to vote on weaknesses rather than strengths, because I feel you are both equally strong writers. I feel Return took this on a couple fronts, rhyming, message and the ENDING are what made me vote this way. Ribo's ending lacked a whole lot and I felt failed to bring the piece to a close. All the other stuff is really preference, but I honestly think with a better ending Ribo could have edged this for me. All in all, I'm scared to face either of you fuckers in the champ match... haha

    Peace
    [/hide]
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  11. archive.

    archive. New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2006
    Messages:
    20
    [hide]
    TheReturn

    ridiculous verse.....imagery, tone, everything......nice...imagery def on point.....great take on the topic too.....original...at times i felt a rhyme or two was forced...but anywho....

    favs from verse

    We've changed the way we live, we've changed the way we fought
    Once proud to be Americans, now we've changed the way we thought.
    Let's rewind the hands of time, and see the grandeurs of our past
    As harsh truths of our world through the sands of an hourglass.​

    So turn back the hands of time and go formulate your own opinions
    Cause we can only blame ourselves when our nation's hopes diminish...

    Much like the girly King James,
    A homosexual "queen of a king", that flirted with gays
    Yet preached the word of God,
    And even translated it to its version today.
    That's why it hurts to me say that God's word is a shame.
    But honestly, imagine yourself as the opposition.
    How can we believe that it's not fictitious?
    When it's coming from the epitome of contradiction,
    In the form of a homosexual preaching God's rendition.​


    took a totally different spin on the the pic...

    Ribonuclease

    i expected someone to do this take....but this was still dope.....nice imagery thruogh out....nice fluidity also...the worth it pal line irked me however lol

    favs from verse

    We as humans, are designed to fail
    a train made to ride the rails
    made from planks of wood, spikes and nails.​

    excellent set up....

    I'm losin hair now - morphine is keepin me sane
    depletin the pain....
    easin my brain..
    this seems inhumane, seekin Jesus needin to pray​

    nice imagery

    I don't need my family exposed to temper tantrums
    but they said its just a growth I was copin with my chances
    cancer spreads, but not as fast as the globe and its advancements
    but my hope had been abondonded
    like Moses after he wrote the Ten Commandments.​

    nice

    the thing about this verse is two superb verses....evenly matched......ima have to go with TheReturn for originality....even tho i dont agree with his stance in it....

    def nice battle fellas

    1
    [/hide]
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  12. ConstantFlows

    ConstantFlows New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2001
    Messages:
    4,283
    [hide]
    The Return- very clean piece. it was very insightful and well thought out. the rhymes were very natural and poetic, which created a nice contrast to ribonuclease's more hip hop influenced piece, which still however had hints of poetic lyricism in it. the cadence of your piece was very rhythmic with no breaks. conclusion was a perfect complement to everything you gave the reader up till that point.

    Ribonuclease- you put up a fight man. that verse was illin. the multi scheme, the flow, the usage of words and topic, the concept, all was well devised and expressed. there were a few times where things got a bit choppy for me while reading it, mostly because of a misspelled word or lack of puntuation to end a thought etc. but i hopped back on the horse and rode it through to the end. nicely done

    Vote goes to The Return who won by a pubic hair. his take on the picture and overall solidity of his verse was just that much more intellectual and comprised than ribonuclease's take on euthanasia from the victims point of view. but like i said. both were soo fucking close, both of you wonderful job.[/hide]
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  13. Ref #1

    Ref #1 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2001
    Messages:
    104
    [hide]

    Match of the week here sirs.

    Mr. Return

    You are quite powerful with the way you put this together. I love the way you put your lines together and how well they blended in this piece, a very clever piece of writing here. The themes all correlated well and it was an original take.

    Mr. Ribo

    This was a more personal approach and the piece read so smoothly that I instantly fell in love with it. The words just dripped onto the page so fluidly I was captivated within the story.

    What it came down to for me was strictly enjoyment as both verses were top notch. My vote goes to Ribonuclease.

    [/hide]
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  14. rocket

    rocket New Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    276
    [hide]
    Vote TheReturn

    Return - Quite an original spin on that particular vein of thought you had me movin right thru this like a knife through butter flowed like the mississippi in storm season and kept me interested and intrigued the entire day.

    RN- good verse and honestly I have just about as much to say positively about yours as I do Returns except his was just a little more polished and practiced

    good choices the bother of you
    [/hide]
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  15. MrMister

    MrMister Urizen

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2003
    Messages:
    6,238
    [HIDE]vote - Return

    Return - this was a ok piece Im just not a fan of these
    leave you think pieces but you pulled it of nice
    by going back in time a little and then coming back
    it was nicely done and read away smooth

    Ribon - this was a weird piece to me
    the rhyming didnt really connect in my mind
    not one your best pieces but it was still ok

    This was kinda a easy battle which I didnt expect
    but I feel return took this
    maybe Ribon had a bad day [/HIDE]
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  16. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    2,962
    Reminder to Keg Party, only 2 crew votes per match is allowed.

    The Return wins
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  17. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
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    this is the rule... next time might not work out as nicely cuz this will dq all of the crew votes instead of allowing 2.
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